Margot!!
Peer Supporter
Dr. Schubiners article on genetics and mind body syndrome was great. I have known about Epigenetics and Rachel Yehudas work with holocaust survivors as my father was a holocaust survivor. I was fascinated by the idea that we can change our gene expression simply by changing our environment or learning new ways to cope. Given my family history and the dysfunction that permeates my family tree, the idea that I could change things for my daughter was liberating and helped me to realize that the dysfunction does not have to carry forward. I can break the cycle. I suspect that my understanding of this and other things in neuroscience helped me to accept the TMS Diagnosis. The brain is fascinating and I study it for fun... super nerdy. Ive accepted it. 
After my trip to Maine, I came down with a cold and a cold sore. I was worried that my brain decided that I would get sick now and that is how it will slow me down, then I realized that not everything is TMS related.... sometimes I get colds. lol
Thanks to Adam for helping me reframe the pain I experienced post bike ride, it had been 30 years since I rode a bike... that is a really good reason to have some soreness! When your life has been ruled by being in pain and being preoccupied with pain all-day every day, its hard to remember that not everything that occurs in my body is related to the pain. I have started to notice that the pain is getting better, I have had days with NO pain. I am looking forward to my next bike ride, but rain and illness have kept me inside. I will go for a ride today if the rain goes away.
Take a look at your journal entries. What emotions are most prevalent? I am not surprised that my journal is filled with anger, sadness, frustration and fear. Working through the first 18 days has been a journey. I have released alot of the fear and taught my body that things are not dangerous. Last week I wrote a letter to my hips, which is the origin of most of the pain. It was a dialogue between me and my hips. It reminded me alot of the process used to talk to your parts in Internal Family Systems therapy. This morning I noticed that it has been a couple weeks since I had pain in the morning upon waking It's been over a week since I have had the burning pain in my groin and thigh. **knocks on wood**
I also experience numbness and tingling in my right arm regularly and my right foot when I drive. Now that I learned how to manage the hip and low body pain, I have started to focus on the numbness and tingling. The foot going numb definitely brings up fear and anxiety. I drive a 6-speed manual car. The gas pedal foot and the clutch foot need to work together and that is not so easy when you can't feel your gas pedal foot. So as silly as it seems, stalling my car in front of people is really embarrassing and scary for me... I'm judging myself for writing that LOL
The thought of being embarrassed in public brings tears to my eyes and gives me a pit in my stomach
The root of my fear of embarrassment is my parents doing, they made fun of me, teased me and would embarrass me to entertain themselves in front of friends, neighbors, strangers too. I don't think they knew what they were doing to me. The emotional abuse and neglect I experienced in childhood has altered my alarm system and I'm realizing that my alarm system is not accurate. Recently, Ive noticed that sometimes my initial reaction to things seems to be a bit out of Wack for the context. Like I need to recalibrate. Researching brain recalibration, Ill get back to you! JK, that's what I'm doing HERE, recalibrating my brain.
After my trip to Maine, I came down with a cold and a cold sore. I was worried that my brain decided that I would get sick now and that is how it will slow me down, then I realized that not everything is TMS related.... sometimes I get colds. lol
Thanks to Adam for helping me reframe the pain I experienced post bike ride, it had been 30 years since I rode a bike... that is a really good reason to have some soreness! When your life has been ruled by being in pain and being preoccupied with pain all-day every day, its hard to remember that not everything that occurs in my body is related to the pain. I have started to notice that the pain is getting better, I have had days with NO pain. I am looking forward to my next bike ride, but rain and illness have kept me inside. I will go for a ride today if the rain goes away.
Take a look at your journal entries. What emotions are most prevalent? I am not surprised that my journal is filled with anger, sadness, frustration and fear. Working through the first 18 days has been a journey. I have released alot of the fear and taught my body that things are not dangerous. Last week I wrote a letter to my hips, which is the origin of most of the pain. It was a dialogue between me and my hips. It reminded me alot of the process used to talk to your parts in Internal Family Systems therapy. This morning I noticed that it has been a couple weeks since I had pain in the morning upon waking
It's been over a week since I have had the burning pain in my groin and thigh. **knocks on wood**I also experience numbness and tingling in my right arm regularly and my right foot when I drive. Now that I learned how to manage the hip and low body pain, I have started to focus on the numbness and tingling. The foot going numb definitely brings up fear and anxiety. I drive a 6-speed manual car. The gas pedal foot and the clutch foot need to work together and that is not so easy when you can't feel your gas pedal foot. So as silly as it seems, stalling my car in front of people is really embarrassing and scary for me... I'm judging myself for writing that LOL
The thought of being embarrassed in public brings tears to my eyes and gives me a pit in my stomach
The root of my fear of embarrassment is my parents doing, they made fun of me, teased me and would embarrass me to entertain themselves in front of friends, neighbors, strangers too. I don't think they knew what they were doing to me. The emotional abuse and neglect I experienced in childhood has altered my alarm system and I'm realizing that my alarm system is not accurate. Recently, Ive noticed that sometimes my initial reaction to things seems to be a bit out of Wack for the context. Like I need to recalibrate. Researching brain recalibration, Ill get back to you! JK, that's what I'm doing HERE, recalibrating my brain.
