Day 18 Emotions

Gosh we are all filled with compressed and repressed emotions in this TMS family. I have had a firm control on them from an early age and the only time I allowed myself to let my defenses down was with my Dogs over the years my life lines. The emotions I see coming up again and again in my journeling is Fear,anger, grief, sadness,
anxious and overwhelmed. I feel betrayed by those I loved and let down and I work too hard to be like do to much and ask too little. I value myself low and judge myself harshly I bully myself as I was once bullied inside and outside the house as a child. I am learning this is a long road with a lot of work on me and my emotions and reactions but I am doing it and that gotta be good.

 

Hi, Saoirse. I'm sorry you are bullying yourself. You have had a lifetime of low self-esteem, and I think that is the main thing you have to work on now.

I suggest you journal about valuing yourself low by making a list of the things you've done over the years that you feel happy about or proud. I bet you've forgotten a lot of them.

I also suggest you look at Youtube videos on raising self-esteem. I've read that many famous people who have accomplished a lot, have low self-esteem.

You realize that TMS healing can be a long process, and I'm glad you are positive about the journey.

I hope you and your loved ones have a very Merry Christmas. Try to spend more time thinking about its meaning. I pray that it brings you peace.

Maybe phone a few people who might be in the winter or holiday blues, and cheer them up. Or just dial any phone number and wish a Merry Christmas to whoever answers. Maybe you can talk to each other about anything at all.

 

Thanks Walt and a Merry Christmas to you and yours lets pray 2017 will be a great year for us all. I have been quiet positive and tried not to focus or enter into conversations about my siblings not talking to me as it just starts the upset again even if people mean well. Not having my Mammy is hard but its an old Celtic custom to set a place at the table for a loved one who has passed over and it helped imagining her there. I am working hard at getting out of internal dialogue and comment on my pain, anxiety ,IBD whatever TMS and to start connect with whats around me more so even though I am having an extra hard time with pain I am not allowing myself to be sucked into worry and fear. Thanks for all the valid advice . God Bless You Saoirse .