Day 17 What helps me the most…

I find that all the pieces of the program help me - the education component to expand my understanding, the experiences of others through this forum and in each days offering, and the journaling which opens me up to a habit of reflection, digging and processing, moving on,…

My back and leg pain have been much reduced since I jumped into this TMS work with more earnestness. I still have right foot numbness when standing too long. And, now with gardening underway, the body aches are here from exercising those garden muscles again. I get that, I am 71.

I recently received results from my MRI - the change from the last mri in 2023 was now I have bilateral severe foraminal narrowing at L4L5. I have many other lumbar spine issues but that is the new update. My doctor says that explains my symptoms. Anyway, her recommendation was continue your exercises (she knows I am doing this work and it has helped in the past), another ostheopathic manipulation, injection if necessary and then referral to surgeon if it comes to that. So, the mri verifies some progression of issues in my low back. The mri and doctor’s plan sends my mind back to “Is it TMS or a structural issue?” I responded to her that I planned to continue my TMS work and would reach out to her. For me, clearly after getting the last ostheopathic treatment and doing this TMS work with gusto most of the pain disappeared quickly, phenomenally. That confirmed TMS for me.

I know that there can be serious issues identified by imagery that doesn’t necessary translate to pain. So, my plan is to continue this work. My walking has improved, not consistently yet, but it is improving after two years of “fear of walking”. The numb foot is still a concern,….and I plan to continue this work with gusto. Even as I say that there is still this little voice in me that asks “is this structural? Can this TMS work take care of this too?” That doubt holds me back. Not terribly but it’s there.

I have never been to a TMS trained doctor but I’m considering reaching out to one to have an assessment and have some local support. There is only one TMS trained doctor in Maine so I will call his office to see if he sees new patients and would be willing to do a consult with me. This may help fortify me. If he can’t see me then I will continue my work, as I will do anyway,…

Thank you for listening to my process. The support of this forum and the SEP training and structure has helped me immensely. I look forward to continuing.

 

I loved reading your post and relating to experiences of someone my age. I’ve been wondering a lot about the relationship between the awareness of what’s going on in my bodymind, my perceptions of pain, and the results showing up my MRI. According to my MRI, I’ve got lots of lumbar-related physical causes for my pain (also inflammation in hip area). But the pain goes away when i “think psychologically.”
What I’m now trying to work through is whether pain that comes from stiffened joints/muscles is due to old age and lack of use versus pain from repressed emotions. Can joints loose flexibility and muscles loose strength without pain? It seems that i am regaining full flexibility but maybe not full muscle strength as i age. Isn’t the pain there to let me know that I’ve lost functionality? Or is the pain, when it comes (and assuming it is not due to stretching past rupture), a result of an existential, unprocessed “trauma” around mortality?
I’ve come to believe that there is a very strong and active feedback loop that goes both ways (mind to body and body to mind). In light of this, is my mind “generating” the cyst that is associated (in doctor’s explanation) with my hip/thigh pain ? Will the cyst impinging on my sciatica nerve shrink as my mind stops demanding it swell to cause pain? I don’t know yet for sure. However, now, many weeks into the TMS-based approach of moving my body without giving into the fear, I find myself moving my hip/thigh and other joints without pain. They used to scream in pain when i got to a certain point, now, I’m moving them gently past this scream-inducing limit with the thought that if nothing else, they are limbering up and that seems good.