Margot!!
Peer Supporter
Since starting this program have you told anyone about your condition and TMS? Why or Why not? If you have how did they react? I was a little hesitant to talk to anyone about TMS in the beginning. Partly because I wondered if this was too good to be true. I talked to my partner first and I did that as I was working through severe pain and some pretty raw emotions around judgment and embarrassment. He was receptive, he is just happy that I feel hopeful. I talk to my osteopath about it because he is familiar with TMS. He has been helping me fully digest the TMS diagnosis by pointing out the evidence. He is happy he has someone to geek out about TMS and Dr. Sarno 
On Saturday, I talked to my best friend about it. She was intrigued so I gave her some stuff to read. She is a therapist and works with a number of clients who live with chronic pain. I have also talked to my brother about it at length. He has a number of diagnoses that may fall under the TMS umbrella. I have been sharing the work I have been doing and invited him to check out the TMS Wiki. He has been my biggest cheerleader as he understands what it is like to live in chronic pain. He is excited for me and he's learned alot about TMS, we have great discussions.
Weekend Win: This past weekend we went to Boston for a break dance battle. It was the 50th anniversary of a very popular dance crew. A trip to Boston means and hour ride in the car and lots of walking and standing. I was nervous/afraid, but I did it anyway. I used self-talk to manage the anxiety and pain. I pushed myself to stand longer and walk further. When I stand for a long time, my low back hurts and aches. my back gets so tense and tight, its awful. I pushed myself to stand for longer than usual before finding a seat and I only sat for a few minutes before standing again. My partner offered to drop me off and pick me up and I said nope, I need to walk. We found a spot 3 blocks away, which is a miracle in Boston. I walked, my legs were cramping and revolting making it hard to walk. I used self talk- "I am safe, this will not hurt me" "Increase the oxygen to my hips, low back and quads "Release my low back please" and so on. My body listened to about 95% of my direction. I tried to notice and thank my brain for cooperating. We went out to dinner after too.
I did it and I had a great time. The energy was amazing and I think it actually helped the pain. Monday morning, I woke with minimal soreness, went to work and attended an all-day training.
In the past, I planned around events like this. I would have let my partner drop me off and pick me up. I would have found a place to sit, even if I couldn't see the festivities and I would have taken Monday off in advance to plan for a flare up day. I definitely would NOT have walked 6 blocks round trip and I would NOT have gone out to eat after either.
It was really hard and I cried as we walked to the venue. I felt embarrassed. It felt like everyone was watching me, it's probably not true, but it felt like all eyes were on me. My partner did well sitting with my discomfort, I could tell it was hard for him too. He was encouraging. He said was proud of me and I was doing a great job. It felt good and I was exhausted.
Thursday, I leave for a short vacation with my partner, my bestie and her husband. Thursday to Sunday. Acadia, Maine one of my favorite places. It's a 4 hour car ride to an off grid A frame in the woods/on the beach. I have been there before. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever stayed, magical. I'm worried I won't be able to enjoy it because of pain. I am anxious about the drive. I am afraid that I won't be able to sleep, the walk to the bathroom worries me. AND at the same time,I'm excited for the time off, this is the first break I have taken since I made the transition into this new job. I'm excited to spend time with my best friend and her hubby. We will make art and go kayaking with our men and her hubby will cook an awesome dinner for all of us. I am excited for the campfire and THE STARS. Monday morning, I am teaching Mental Health First Aid with my supervisor and I'm worried that I won't be at my best. I guess I'm glooming and dooming, playing fortune teller. I don't know how any of this will go. I'm going to try to stay positive that everything will turn out for the best. The fear/anxiety is still there but balanced by a good amount of hope and determination.
On Saturday, I talked to my best friend about it. She was intrigued so I gave her some stuff to read. She is a therapist and works with a number of clients who live with chronic pain. I have also talked to my brother about it at length. He has a number of diagnoses that may fall under the TMS umbrella. I have been sharing the work I have been doing and invited him to check out the TMS Wiki. He has been my biggest cheerleader as he understands what it is like to live in chronic pain. He is excited for me and he's learned alot about TMS, we have great discussions.
Weekend Win: This past weekend we went to Boston for a break dance battle. It was the 50th anniversary of a very popular dance crew. A trip to Boston means and hour ride in the car and lots of walking and standing. I was nervous/afraid, but I did it anyway. I used self-talk to manage the anxiety and pain. I pushed myself to stand longer and walk further. When I stand for a long time, my low back hurts and aches. my back gets so tense and tight, its awful. I pushed myself to stand for longer than usual before finding a seat and I only sat for a few minutes before standing again. My partner offered to drop me off and pick me up and I said nope, I need to walk. We found a spot 3 blocks away, which is a miracle in Boston. I walked, my legs were cramping and revolting making it hard to walk. I used self talk- "I am safe, this will not hurt me" "Increase the oxygen to my hips, low back and quads "Release my low back please" and so on. My body listened to about 95% of my direction. I tried to notice and thank my brain for cooperating. We went out to dinner after too.
I did it and I had a great time. The energy was amazing and I think it actually helped the pain. Monday morning, I woke with minimal soreness, went to work and attended an all-day training.
In the past, I planned around events like this. I would have let my partner drop me off and pick me up. I would have found a place to sit, even if I couldn't see the festivities and I would have taken Monday off in advance to plan for a flare up day. I definitely would NOT have walked 6 blocks round trip and I would NOT have gone out to eat after either.
It was really hard and I cried as we walked to the venue. I felt embarrassed. It felt like everyone was watching me, it's probably not true, but it felt like all eyes were on me. My partner did well sitting with my discomfort, I could tell it was hard for him too. He was encouraging. He said was proud of me and I was doing a great job. It felt good and I was exhausted.
Thursday, I leave for a short vacation with my partner, my bestie and her husband. Thursday to Sunday. Acadia, Maine one of my favorite places. It's a 4 hour car ride to an off grid A frame in the woods/on the beach. I have been there before. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever stayed, magical. I'm worried I won't be able to enjoy it because of pain. I am anxious about the drive. I am afraid that I won't be able to sleep, the walk to the bathroom worries me. AND at the same time,I'm excited for the time off, this is the first break I have taken since I made the transition into this new job. I'm excited to spend time with my best friend and her hubby. We will make art and go kayaking with our men and her hubby will cook an awesome dinner for all of us. I am excited for the campfire and THE STARS. Monday morning, I am teaching Mental Health First Aid with my supervisor and I'm worried that I won't be at my best. I guess I'm glooming and dooming, playing fortune teller. I don't know how any of this will go. I'm going to try to stay positive that everything will turn out for the best. The fear/anxiety is still there but balanced by a good amount of hope and determination.