Day 15

O

OnTheRoad

Peer Supporter
The question for this day in the Education Program was, has the pain been moving around, and has this changed your feeling about the diagnosis? No, it has not...and that makes it somewhat harder to accept the diagnosis. When it is moving here and there I think, aha, this feels so weird, must be TMS. But when it stays in the same place (left hip/glute), it really feels like my back is twisted somehow, and that MAYBE I need to do physical exercise to release it, AS WELL AS work the TMS program. I certainly do not discount that TMS could be causing the whole thing, however.

The fact that I have a mild scoliosis and a spondylolisthesis at L5 S1, and as a ballet dancer in my teens and twenties it was harder to "find my placement" (align) my left side, and engage my left side psoas "correctly", when the pain settles into this left hip/glute area, it feels like an extension of that original "problem", for which my physiotherapist had always blamed the spondy. Now I feel, I wonder if I have TMS AND a problem with my back having been "pulled out of alignment" somehow. This is magnified by the fact that when I do Hanna somatic exercises, I start to feel more "lined up". I do not discount the idea that I need to do emotional release work like journalling, etc., and that a psychological "hang up" could be causing the whole thing.
 
Hi, OnTheRoad. It looks like you still need to convince yourself 100 percent that your pain is TMS, from your emotions and not from anything structural. I urge you to do journaling, to discover repressed emotions. Try to keep active and exercise even if it is very mild.

Happy Holidays!
 
Thanks, Walt. BTW it is not exercise that is the problem so much, as sitting. Tailbone, hip, glute, sometimes thigh pain, usually on the left. As my husband said, you can stand it, you just can't sit it! Also lying on my back. My go-to position is lying on my side. I have regained so much mobility and flexibility and strength. When I think about it logically it is really kind of absurd, these positions I "can" and "can't" do, so it is probably all TMS! and I am just impatient. It has been a long time... 11 months of repeated back spasms, about 6 months of no spasm but extreme stiffness, feeling of disconnection, shakiness, tension and weird pain, and before that, 6 years of sitting "wrong" because of tailbone pain...I have a lot of unlearning to do, learning to trust and let go and accept and stop trying to heal! as the wise Steve Ozanick said.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.
 
Your husband shows he has a good sense of humor, and is tolerant and helpful. You have a good handle on your pain and I am sure you are going to be pain-free soon in 2017.
 
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