DAY 15 BAD FLARE-UPS

[cosmy]

I had an awful day yesterday! 2 weeks from starting the EP and my symptoms have gotten worse. I feel like I’m going crazy and I panicked and an enormous FEAR took hold on me! I responded with anger and I took it on myself! I told myself that I will never be able to fight this battle and I even started to have huge doubts regarding the diagnosis. That is probably because I am used to focus on negative stimuli. The worse the pain and the discomfort get, the more confuse I become about everything. But I was able to recognize a lot of emotions that I used to suppress: fear, anger, sadness...and personality traits that I have: control freak, high expectations regarding myself, self doubt, autocriticism...Today I was even scared to continue writing, but I managed somehow to pull myself together and I did it! I had to remind myself that I was told in the beginning that this was going to happen, that I am healthy and I can do things(today I even went swimming) and that my subconscious is using pain and fear to distract me! I am wondering if this is good and if these are signs of an extinction burst??? Good health to you all!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Whew, cosmy - this is some powerful stuff going on, and you are letting yourself experience it, which is awesome!

Keep going - I think you're on the right track! I love these two things:

That is probably because I am used to focus on negative stimuli

You're right - because that's exactly what your fearful primitive brain WANTS you to do - stay worried, so you stay "safe". It thinks. Except that this doesn't work in today's world.

Today I was even scared to continue writing, but I managed somehow to pull myself together and I did it! I had to remind myself that I was told in the beginning that this was going to happen, that I am healthy and I can do things(today I even went swimming) and that my subconscious is using pain and fear to distract me!

Exactly right.

You go, girl!

~Jan

 

[cosmy]

Whew, cosmy - this is some powerful stuff going on, and you are letting yourself experience it, which is awesome!

Keep going - I think you're on the right track! I love these two things:


You're right - because that's exactly what your fearful primitive brain WANTS you to do - stay worried, so you stay "safe". It thinks. Except that this doesn't work in today's world.


Exactly right.

You go, girl!

~Jan

Thank you for your kind reply, Jan!!! It feels so encouraging! I was almost in tears when I read it! It is a tough fight this one, but I have to keep going and stay positive every day!!!