New Program day 13 a day in Fear with Perseverance

[DontStopBelieving]

Today I sat through a panic attack almost the whole time while working. There were moments when I wanted to give up and run far away, scream, cry. I didn't. The main fear was the person I developed the attachment to, the fear that he will make me feel more guilty by talking to me or realise what was going on in my head. I saw him as what he actually is, a replacement of all the things I miss at the moment and that made me see him as he is, not what I thought he was. It was a relief, an understanding, a step forward. I feel so exhausted right now, and when I came home and started my daily TMS recovery routine I smiled to the title of the 13th day Fostering Empowerment that also talks about Perseverance. I'm not sure if that is what I did today and am even more respectful of Steve O for how perseverant he was. It takes great courage to do all this, all the people who fight against TMS deserve such respect, it is amazing what you do. The panic grew smaller after lunch and became a dizzy feeling with moments of anxiety in my stomach. In waves. What I think I will never master is how not to react like this to stress, how to make my subconscious not recall all the traumas, how not to seek acceptance and love from my parents in all that I do or the people I meet?

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, DontStopBelieving. You rode out your anxiety, and that makes you stronger. Most of us have been through the cycles of pain, anxiety, anger, fear. We tell our subconscious we know the emotional causes of our TMS pain. Then we need to get on with our lives, not dwell on those past traumas. Focus our minds on being positive. Don't worry about getting acceptance and love from parents or others. I hope this doesn't sound evangelical, which I am not, but believe in acceptance and love from your Creator.

 

[DontStopBelieving]

Hi Walt, it does but at the same time I know I would react the same way if the situation happens again. That is one of the reasons why I've decided to start therapy with a TMS therapist. I did the assesment with one that helped me a lot a few months ago, so I had the confirmation it was TMS, but I never continued with the therapy. Because I feel stuck and most of the techniques that are provided thorugh the SEP and the new program dont help me, I said it is time to take this a step further. I still do all the work and journal, which is the best for me. But I'm tired, frustrated and dont know what else to do and I will give it a chance. I'm not worried about getting acceptance but through journaling and observing myself, I noticed it is the need for acceptance that drives me and pusshes me. When I'm alone and not in the centre of attention, it really gets to me in a weird way. I'm not religeous and dont believe in God. I'm already feeling much better, this episode showed me things I'm actually worried about underneath but it is just frustrating to keep reacting like this.