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New Program Day 12: Cognitive Soothing
- Thread starter Alan Gordon LCSW
- Start date
Mama-K
New Member
I just watched Dawn Huebner's TED Talk and she mentions,"Being afraid is not the same as being in danger." She suggests thinking of anxiety as a pest that you may be feeding and chasing down a hole. Instead you can observe it and see it as something in the background while you gradually move yourself in a healthy direction.
Thanks for these posts! Really great reminders!
Thanks for these posts! Really great reminders!
MicheleRenee
Peer Supporter
so if our fear thoughts are pretty much continuous throoughout the day... we should just continuously reassure our brain we're safe? (of course i dont mean perfectly!). i feel ill be doing this almost all day! haha
Thats the thing about neuroplasticity. I likely need to do it all day until it is just hard wired.
Bodhigirl
Well known member
I'm so glad you found it helpful. Whenever I am suffering, my wish is that it be turned into something meaning that will serve others. Gets me out of the selfishness of so much self-reflection!
Have been practicing this for a long time and still often need the structure of support groups like ours here. Maintaining change, alone, is so hard. We need our villages and tribes to remind us!
Be sweet to that kid.
Eugene
Well known member
So very very true @Bodhigirl.
That wish that there is a positive that will come out of the suffering is often all that keeps me going.
And as for needing our tribes, I find that is true more and more as I get older. It isn't that I don't my non-tribe members (not at all), it's just that I need my tribe to nourish me and directly or indirectly help me through the dark times.
James59
Well known member
I'm not clear on how to apply the concept of cognitive soothing. This lesson was rather sparse on details compared to the somatic tracking instructions. The audio clip with Mandi gave an example of the adult self comforting the child self, and I tried that last night, but I couldn't think of any way to sooth my childhood self given some real injuries I received from the fists of a 6th grade bully, and from two pre-teen accidents. Throw in some adulthood traumas and I don't see how the mind that lived through those things can effectively soothe the mind that still fears those things.
On the positive side, I've noticed a distinct improvement in my disposition, namely less anger and frustration, in the last couple of days of practicing somatic tracking.
On the positive side, I've noticed a distinct improvement in my disposition, namely less anger and frustration, in the last couple of days of practicing somatic tracking.
James I understand what you mean. I think you can use any soothing parenting skills that you acquire for any of your "in the moment" issues. I dont know how often we need to go back and dig up those old accidents, etc (although with a trained therapist cant see why not?). One of the soothing techniques I have used with my children is mirroring. it is explained here: http://parentingprocess.blogspot.com/2010/05/lets-consider-second-developmental.html (The Parenting Process: Mirroring) I strongly believe that it is a LACK of mirroring on the part of our caregivers that fostered emotional repression in us to begin with. Hope this link helps.
On further reflection I think that some of these qualities that are desirable to nurture in Type A personalities would be, as Monte Heuftle notes in his book, to be more open, allowing, flexible, in a moment by moment way, especially in the face of the thoughts and behaviors and fears that come with this Type A personality. So for me that would mean starting with Somatic Tracking (which is essentially, allowing our feelings, and not repressing or judging them (this is Mirroring-and recommended for parents) and then using self talk to reinforce that our feelings are ok (more mirroring). And then maybe later, once calmer, asking questions to shift out of this Type A mode, such as "What if everything turned out ok?" or "How can I be more open or flexible in this moment?"
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Day 11: Cognitive Soothing
Over the past ten days, I’ve talked a lot about the importance of teaching your brain that it’s safe.
You may have wondered, “How can I teach my brain anything, isn’t my brain me?”
Yes and no.
Of Two Minds
In the 1960s, physicians started conducting an experimental brain surgery on epileptic patients. They found that if they cut the fibers that connect the left and right hemispheres of the brain, the patients’ seizures would often disappear.
But then these patients started developing some bizarre side effects. One man tried to light up a cigarette, and his left hand – acting entirely on its own – knocked it out of his mouth. A different man had to restrain one of his arms from trying to strangle his wife. Another woman woke up to someone slapping her across the face. It was her own right hand...she’d overslept.
There’s a neurological explanation for all of this.
The right hemisphere of the brain controls the left half of the body, and vice versa. So when the lines of communication were cut, the patients found that each half of their body started acting independently from each other!
Once this realization was made, physicians obviously stopped performing the surgery. But subsequent experiments on these “split-brain” patients gave us a new understanding of the brain. Researchers found that within each of us, there are two separate minds: there is the “us” that we identify with, and there is a more primitive part of our brains that’s beneath the surface.
Learning Fear
In the following clip, Marge Simpson is working with a therapist to figure out where her fear of flying came from:
If you experience trauma, your brain can learn and remember that fear, so that even if it’s 30 years later, your brain doesn’t know that you’re out of danger.
Many TMS patients feel confused about the onset of their symptoms because they can’t identify any profound trauma. But almost anything can be experienced as traumatic: getting a bad grade, losing a good friend, leading the pledge of allegiance on a popular 80s children’s show and accidentally saying “invisible” instead of “indivisible,” (hypothetically, of course…)
If you have a sensitive temperament, these traumas can strike deep. And the primitive part of our brains can hold on to this fear.
Fostering a Sense of Safety
Imagine you have a child who can’t fall asleep because he’s scared there’s a monster under his bed. You’d do everything possible to soothe his fears - you’d talk in a calm voice, you’d show him that he’s safe, and you’d put his mind at ease.
There’s a part of your brain that, like a scared child, lives in fear.
Cognitive soothing simply involves giving our brains the message that we’re safe.
In the following clip, Mandi uses cognitive soothing to disarm her fear:
The more we give ourselves this message – when we’re in pain, when we feel fear, even when we’re doing okay – the more we’re able to internalize it.
And while somatic tracking communicates a message of safety through a physiological channel (the body), cognitive soothing conveys the same message through a different channel (the mind.)
Using these techniques together, you can let your brain know that it’s safe through multiple channels simultaneously.
There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't feel butterflies in my stomach and sometimes i don't even know why ? And yes it gets worse with pain....it helps to understand how to just observe it, breathe into it and finally soothe myself. Am I understanding you right ?Day 11: Cognitive Soothing
Over the past ten days, I’ve talked a lot about the importance of teaching your brain that it’s safe.
You may have wondered, “How can I teach my brain anything, isn’t my brain me?”
Yes and no.
Of Two Minds
In the 1960s, physicians started conducting an experimental brain surgery on epileptic patients. They found that if they cut the fibers that connect the left and right hemispheres of the brain, the patients’ seizures would often disappear.
But then these patients started developing some bizarre side effects. One man tried to light up a cigarette, and his left hand – acting entirely on its own – knocked it out of his mouth. A different man had to restrain one of his arms from trying to strangle his wife. Another woman woke up to someone slapping her across the face. It was her own right hand...she’d overslept.
There’s a neurological explanation for all of this.
The right hemisphere of the brain controls the left half of the body, and vice versa. So when the lines of communication were cut, the patients found that each half of their body started acting independently from each other!
Once this realization was made, physicians obviously stopped performing the surgery. But subsequent experiments on these “split-brain” patients gave us a new understanding of the brain. Researchers found that within each of us, there are two separate minds: there is the “us” that we identify with, and there is a more primitive part of our brains that’s beneath the surface.
Learning Fear
In the following clip, Marge Simpson is working with a therapist to figure out where her fear of flying came from:
If you experience trauma, your brain can learn and remember that fear, so that even if it’s 30 years later, your brain doesn’t know that you’re out of danger.
Many TMS patients feel confused about the onset of their symptoms because they can’t identify any profound trauma. But almost anything can be experienced as traumatic: getting a bad grade, losing a good friend, leading the pledge of allegiance on a popular 80s children’s show and accidentally saying “invisible” instead of “indivisible,” (hypothetically, of course…)
If you have a sensitive temperament, these traumas can strike deep. And the primitive part of our brains can hold on to this fear.
Fostering a Sense of Safety
Imagine you have a child who can’t fall asleep because he’s scared there’s a monster under his bed. You’d do everything possible to soothe his fears - you’d talk in a calm voice, you’d show him that he’s safe, and you’d put his mind at ease.
There’s a part of your brain that, like a scared child, lives in fear.
Cognitive soothing simply involves giving our brains the message that we’re safe.
In the following clip, Mandi uses cognitive soothing to disarm her fear:
The more we give ourselves this message – when we’re in pain, when we feel fear, even when we’re doing okay – the more we’re able to internalize it.
And while somatic tracking communicates a message of safety through a physiological channel (the body), cognitive soothing conveys the same message through a different channel (the mind.)
Using these techniques together, you can let your brain know that it’s safe through multiple channels simultaneously.
Thank you Alan for your insight and caring to help us. My confidence is growing daily knowing that I am not broken or that I am the unique person who's body is constantly fighting them. These past 10 days has already taught me confidence in my health, to care about myself and Check in to see how I am feeling, and have the belief and assurance that there is nothing to fear. Life is good.
Emre
Peer Supporter
Thank you Allen,
my days turned to "fear thoughts hunting". i became like a paranoid to mindfully catch all the thoughts and situations which my brain might misread and try to comfort my brain. is this normal to live like this each day? whenever something makes my body anxious, i start to comfort my brain telling it that its no danger, all is in my control.. am i loosing it Alan??
Emre, when you say, you are "fear thought hunting" and when you discover something you tell yourself "there is no danger" or "all is in my control" I wonder...is that the same mode that we are in all day that we are trying to actually shift? My understanding of this course is that Alan is asking us to only observe what is going on, and allow and not argue with ourselves that there is no danger and that we are in control. Because, isn't that more of the same? I am sure Alan will have more info on how to shift. So that we can be more open, allowing, flexible in these situations. So that we are moving away from the thoughts and behaviors that keep us stuck. But for me, just observing is helpful. And the "soothing" has to be very allowing and welcoming and not persuading. Persuading does not work with my kids. They want to FEEL what they are feeling. they want to simply be heard. That is why I posted that link above to Mirroring as a parent. I hope you check out that link as I suspect in some form this will be part of the soothing....
Without getting too psychoanalytic, I believe a vast majority of people who suffer with TMS symptoms possess a sensitive temperament. If those people also grew up without being comforted by a parent or lived in a tense, disrupted or disfunctional household, it just feels like the mold or cast was set for chronic pain to ensue.
I suppose my question is if a person has been exposed to extreme stress or "perceived" extreme stress for say more than 40 yrs.. (yup, I'm old! Turned 51 10 days ago..) is it too late to learn to "self soothe" or create new neural pathways and push those pain pathways back into dormancy? I've been at this now for almost 3 years and it seems much worse than the last long term issue I had over 20 years ago. I was successful then, and it took about 2 yrs and a multifaceted approach. Counseling, good personal support, a short term course of antidepressants...
I'm very worried maybe this time it's just too much and I won't make it out. I might add that I still think some of my pain issues might be age related. It's just so hard to know for sure.
Also, I want to say thank you to Alan Gordon (and the many other kind experts who give so much of their expertise and time..) for his dedication to helping those of us who otherwise wouldn't have the support or hope we so desperately need. P. S.. The Simpsons clip brought back a lot of good memories! ... Unreal that the Simpsons is the longest running animated program.. Ever! I think more than 20 years.
Without getting too psychoanalytic, I believe a vast majority of people who suffer with TMS symptoms possess a sensitive temperament. If those people also grew up without being comforted by a parent or lived in a tense, disrupted or disfunctional household, it just feels like the mold or cast was set for chronic pain to ensue.
I suppose my question is if a person has been exposed to extreme stress or "perceived" extreme stress for say more than 40 yrs.. (yup, I'm old! Turned 51 10 days ago..) is it too late to learn to "self soothe" or create new neural pathways and push those pain pathways back into dormancy? I've been at this now for almost 3 years and it seems much worse than the last long term issue I had over 20 years ago. I was successful then, and it took about 2 yrs and a multifaceted approach. Counseling, good personal support, a short term course of antidepressants...
I'm very worried maybe this time it's just too much and I won't make it out. I might add that I still think some of my pain issues might be age related. It's just so hard to know for sure.
Also, I want to say thank you to Alan Gordon (and the many other kind experts who give so much of their expertise and time..) for his dedication to helping those of us who otherwise wouldn't have the support or hope we so desperately need. P. S.. The Simpsons clip brought back a lot of good memories! ... Unreal that the Simpsons is the longest running animated program.. Ever! I think more than 20 years.
For me it is not age-related. I used to wake up "crickety" with minor pains thinking it was age (I am 63). I no longer wake up feeling that way. Yoga practice (poses & philosophy has helped me tremendously.
This is a phenomenal course!!
It started to change my life!!
Today i caught myself with so many fear thoughts all the time: in the pool "this chlor stuff is not good for me i should go out", ..."i should change my swimsuit because its wet or else...", after taking a shower "i must dry my hair or else i'll get a headache", sitting at lunch "whops its windy here, i better close one of the doors or else..." Etc... Each time i laughed at the feard thought and did just the opposite of what i used to do! Didnt leave the pool, didnt change my swimsuit, didnt close the doors, didnt dry my hair!!
I quickly did a somatic tracking and i did tell myself that i am all ok.
I already loved this course and i thank you Alan and Forest and Christie and everyone involved
I removed these words from my speech & thought patterns: should, would have, could have, didn't, wouldn't, couldn't, can't, must, etc. They are just fear and beating myself up. Now I use these words instead: It would be good if..., I choose to ..., I'm not bad if I don't..., etc. I used to have lists of things (which were always the same) I should do. Got rid of those, too. I am not perfect; I am good enough.
Penny2007
formerly Pain2007
I thought this Ted Talks video on mindfulness jived well with this lesson as well as the lesson on Somatic Tracking. She speaks about paying kind attention to yourself and how "what we practice grows stronger" - meaning if you keep practicing it, you can change your neural pathways for the good.
MentorCoach
Peer Supporter
@Penny2007 Absolutely LOVED that video! ^^^
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Alan Gordon LCSW
TMS Therapist
Hi Emre,
Remember, the point of this exercise is to help teach your brain that you're safe. If you're in constant hypervigilant mode trying to hunt each fear thought, that sounds like the opposite of a safe feeling. I think the part of your mind that gravitates toward a fight or flight state is actually hijacking this process, so that it's using the practice of recognizing fear as a way to further inject you into a state of fear.
Know that you don't have to catch every fear thought. It's hard to feel safe if you're constantly on the look out. It's great when you catch them, and you should definitely feel proud of yourself when you do, but it's okay if you don't catch some as well. The most important thing is to come at it from a place of ease, not a place of hypervigilance.