New Program Day 12: Cognitive Soothing

[kim marie]

Thank you for sharing this Bodhigirl. I think it is wonderful that you were able to connect that gluteal pain to the cowgirl incident. What a sweet memory of your innocence and Im so glad that you were able to have your adult me care for the cowgirl and put your mother's frustrations at bay. I think it was ingenious of that cowgirl to figure out how to make a cigarette out of a stick of gum- it was very cool!! I agree the no warning of a spanking was certainly traumatizing and filled with shame as you were proud of yourself but that got taken from you. And I really love the term empathic failure. My dad also hit my butt out of the blue for me, but he had a reason lol - I have to practice reparenting myself. that is something needed but im not comfortable doing it and dont remember that i should do it. Hopefully this will be a start.

 

[Nir Hermelin]

Seeking safety, a sense of being home, is perhaps the most basic human need.
This practice of self-soothing is something that has only begun to work for me when I was committed to sitting in meditation and then moving - with kindness - in yoga - while reparenting my inner infant.
Years of work...
After listening to today's recording of the session with Alan, I was in meditation and I took a myofasial release tool and placed it in the place where I most apt to hurt, way inside my lower back/gluteal area. I breathe in and immediately saw a critical moment between my mother and me that I have not been able to relate to my TMS until today.
I was five or six. I was in my amazing cowgirl outfit with red boots, a red skirt with fringe and a vest. And a wonderful gun. I was simply all-powerful! I got a stick of gum from a friend. I rolled it into a cigarette (both parents smoked back then, very sophisticated and cool) and I strode from the front yard into the house, across the living room and into the kitchen to show my mom how amazing I was, smoking my 'cigarette'. I leaned on the doorjamb, I said, "Howdy, partner." My mom looked up, yelled and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me off the ground and began spanking me without warning. When she set me back down she pointed at the living room carpet. I had tracked dog-pooh across the living room on my amazing red boots! My mom was not a yeller, or a spanker-for-no-reason, she was soothing, kind and patient. But not that day.
In the moment of connecting the spanking, hot gluteal place and the bewildered and shamed little girl, I was able to have me, the grownup, walk into the scene, lift little me up, set me on the couch and pull my boots off, looking up at my mom, I said, "It's okay mom. I got this."
I got the boots off and took them outside, assuring Little Me that we would get the cleaned up good as new, that mom made a mistake, that I was safe and loved and that the gum-cigarette was a very cool, cowgirl thing to do...
I just had to share that. It felt so very dear. So very new. I have visited many places where there was "empathic failure" by my parents and done lots of self-soothing work around it, mostly in hypnotic work, since trance and memory dance so beautifully together. It was solely from participating and listening to these past two weeks on TMS-wiki and I only hope to remember this and keep smiling as I am now.

This gave me chills and tears.
I have similar stories that I'm going through now as well.

 

[jonconner]

Day 12: Cognitive Soothing

Of Two Minds

Over the past eight days, I’ve talked a lot about the importance of teaching your brain that it’s safe. You may have wondered, “How can I teach my brain anything, isn’t my brain me?”

Yes and no.

In the 1970s, physicians started conducting an experimental brain surgery on epileptic patients. They found that if they cut the nerve fibers that connect the left and right hemispheres of the brain, they could significantly reduce the patients' seizures.

But then these patients started developing some bizarre side effects. One man tried to light up a cigarette, and his left hand – acting entirely on its own – knocked it out of his mouth. A different man had to restrain one of his hands from trying to strangle his wife. Another woman woke up to someone slapping her across the face. It was her own right hand...she’d overslept.

These cases led to whole new branch of neuroscience.

It turns out that the right hemisphere of the brain controls the left half of the body, and vice versa. So when the lines of communication were cut, the patients found that each half of their body started acting independently from the other!

Studying these “split-brain” patients gave us a new understanding of the brain. Researchers found that within each of us, there are two separate minds: there is the “us” that we identify with, and there is a more primitive part of our brains that’s beneath the surface.

Learning Fear

These experiments help explain why our fear can be so persistent.

If you grew up in an environment where you didn't feel entirely safe, the primitive part of your brain could have learned and remembered that fear...so that even if it’s 30 years later, your primitive brain doesn’t know that you’re out of danger.

The following clip is a great example of this. Marge Simpson has a fear of flying, and her therapist is exploring her past to find the root of that fear:

Even if logically you know that you're safe, your primitive brain may not. But it can learn.

Fostering a Sense of Safety


Imagine you have a child who can’t fall asleep because he’s scared there’s a monster under his bed. You’d do everything possible to soothe his fears - you’d talk in a calm voice, you’d show him that he’s safe, and you’d put his mind at ease.

There’s a part of your brain that, like a scared child, lives in fear. But you have the ability to calm those fears.

One way to communicate a message of safety is through Cognitive Soothing. Cognitive Soothing simply involves giving our brains the message that we’re safe.

In the following clip, Mandi uses Cognitive Soothing to disarm her fear:

Click here to download the mp3 audio​

"It’s going to be okay. You’re safe. These feelings will pass. You are okay." The more we give ourselves this message – when we’re in pain, when we feel fear, even when we’re doing okay – the more we’re able to internalize it.

While Somatic Tracking communicates a message of safety through a physiological channel (the body), Cognitive Soothing conveys the same message through a different channel (the mind.)

And you can let your brain know that it’s safe through multiple channels simultaneously.

​

How to feel safe with the urge to urinate? Any help please I’m struggling with this. Thanks

 

[Lilaynie]

Without getting too psychoanalytic, I believe a vast majority of people who suffer with TMS symptoms possess a sensitive temperament. If those people also grew up without being comforted by a parent or lived in a tense, disrupted or disfunctional household, it just feels like the mold or cast was set for chronic pain to ensue.
I suppose my question is if a person has been exposed to extreme stress or "perceived" extreme stress for say more than 40 yrs.. (yup, I'm old! Turned 51 10 days ago..) is it too late to learn to "self soothe" or create new neural pathways and push those pain pathways back into dormancy? I've been at this now for almost 3 years and it seems much worse than the last long term issue I had over 20 years ago. I was successful then, and it took about 2 yrs and a multifaceted approach. Counseling, good personal support, a short term course of antidepressants...
I'm very worried maybe this time it's just too much and I won't make it out. I might add that I still think some of my pain issues might be age related. It's just so hard to know for sure.
Also, I want to say thank you to Alan Gordon (and the many other kind experts who give so much of their expertise and time..) for his dedication to helping those of us who otherwise wouldn't have the support or hope we so desperately need. P. S.. The Simpsons clip brought back a lot of good memories! ... Unreal that the Simpsons is the longest running animated program.. Ever! I think more than 20 years.

I”m 73 years young and I’m just starting! And I might add, age is NOT a disease! I think you’ve just hit another layer and had some triggering episode. It’s never over and it’s never done! Hang in there. There are many more of us than you can imagine.

 

[Syl]

I”m 73 years young and I’m just starting! And I might add, age is NOT a disease! I think you’ve just hit another layer and had some triggering episode. It’s never over and it’s never done! Hang in there. There are many more of us than you can imagine.

Hi. Yes, there are many, many out there who suffer from all sorts of chronic conditions. And you're right--it's never done--but I hope we can improve things. I've seen some improvement over the years, but I've also seen how quickly things can return when we are stressed, anxious, or afraid

 

[Susan Mary]

I've taken a break from these sessions. It turns out that I have additional nerve damage (neuropathy) in my back, this time with pain in both my back and my feet. My PT verified this and has told me to stop doing iyengar yoga. So, I pushed my rehab too hard--hard enough to cause further injury. The pain feels different this time, and my situation is more complex. Yes, I have neuroplastic pain, but I also have structurally-caused pain. I have both. It's been about 2 weeks since I learned this, and I am roughly familiar with how long it will take my nerves to heal. Four months? Six months? The thought of backing up and not walking very far, increasing very slowly, which I just went through, is painful to me in itself. I was someone who kept up my mood by getting a lot of exercise. Once again, I wonder who I really am. What do I like to do, that I can actually do?

It's difficult to make some of my friends understand what I'm going through. I still look like myself. So, my friend-group has shrunk back down.

So, plenty of opportunity for depression, anxiety, stress, to creep in again. Even though only "part" of my issue is neuroplastic, I'm glad this series is here.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

@Susan Mary, I'm afraid that I am skeptical of just about everything you said here. Starting with a PT diagnosing neuropathy (in the States this a physical therapist, not an MD). I was under the impression that neuropathy is diagnosed by an MD trained in neurology.

In any case, if you're interested in receiving feedback from other members who have experience with neuropathy, I would encourage you to create a new thread with Neuropathy in the title, and ask what people think of your diagnosis. I can tell you up front that neuropathy is often reported as resolved or at least relieved by applying TMS techniques. I get it that it's not an easy one.

 

[Susan Mary]

Hi, Jan, neuropathy is a condition or symptom, NOT a diagnosis. Neuropathy is weird, and it's caused by a huge spectrum of diseases--people who've had chemo, are diabetic, have plantar fascitis, or are alcoholics can get it, and often they can't recover. Most typical causes are chemo and diabetes. Most neuropathy sufferers are not in the boat I'm in. My neuropathy is caused by an injury.

Two years ago my PCP assumed at first that it was plantar fascitis and sent me down a rabbit hole. By the time we ruled that out (and $400 for a pair of shoes I didn't need), several months had gone by. It was 5 more months before I could see a neurologist (they're backed up). MRIs, nerve conduction studies, etc.

My PT, who has a specialty of neurological conditions from injuries, has given me the most concrete things I can do, and I was making headway. Brain reprocessing therapy was helping. From where I sit, my PT knew more than anyone, maybe even the neurologist. It's just that on this recent increase in pain in a new place on my body--that fails all the relevant tests Alan lists for neuroplastic pain--I happened to have an appt w my PT (all other practitioners are jammed).

I realize now that my neuropathy has BOTH structural and neuropathic causes. I am not giving up on brain reprocessing. I merely halted for a while because a new, concerning variable entered the picture. Brain reprocessing, and similar therapies, have helped me find calm, which was a problem--a lifelong problem, I realized. That's been a blessing. I was on my way to ramping up my rehab; brain reprocessing is a big part of my success; I just took it too fast. And then I suddenly had a sharp increase in the pain that sent me to the MD in the first place . . . and I recognized that I had had twinges when I did half-moon-pose . . . the PT gave me some important guidance, that the source is the next vertebra up (L3-L4) from my original injury (L4-L5). Apparently that happens sometimes.

I remember seeing, early in what I've read from Alan Gordon, that those with neuropathy should get a confirmation that their damage isn't structurally-caused. I tried to find a practitioner who could make that call, who is covered by my insurance, and there are none. So, as far as the western medical community is concerned, I don't have a cause. The neurologist spent a lot of time and effort (and a LOT of blood tests from me) to rule out other causes of the neuropathy symptom. Given the nature of my injury and the progress I've made since, I think the PT is right on.

The PT I'm seeing isn't even covered; I had to get a network exception from my insurance to see her. She helped me enormously in the past when she was working for someone else (and covered), when I had a concussion and many other things. Her specialty is neurological disorders resulting from injury.

I'm getting defensive now and I don't want to. My anxiety is spiking.

I'm going to stop trying to convince you and start a thread on neuropathy from spine injury. It's a relative rarity. I'll see if anyone shows up. Thanks for that tip. In the meantime, I'll keep posting in here, since it's the only relevant forum I know of.

 

[Susan Mary]

How to feel safe with the urge to urinate? Any help please I’m struggling with this. Thanks

Hi, Jon, what a challenge! I've had lots of urinary tract infections and related issues.

I should ask, have you ruled out a UTI? They are sneaky--they can be low-grade and persist for a long time. As far as I know, the definitive test is a urine culture--and they need to test for all likely types of bacteria.

I don't know if this will help, but the only exercise I can do is walking. In the cold, exercise is especially a challenge for the urge. I was getting frustrated . . . and then I remembered about Kegels. I started doing them every night before I went to sleep, including a version I learned from a pelvic PT that involves contracting the uretheral muscles gradually (to a count of 10, if you can imagine that), and lo and behold, my whole pelvic floor did better.

Bon Courage,

Susan

 

[Susan Mary]

Without getting too psychoanalytic, I believe a vast majority of people who suffer with TMS symptoms possess a sensitive temperament. If those people also grew up without being comforted by a parent or lived in a tense, disrupted or disfunctional household, it just feels like the mold or cast was set for chronic pain to ensue.
I suppose my question is if a person has been exposed to extreme stress or "perceived" extreme stress for say more than 40 yrs.. (yup, I'm old! Turned 51 10 days ago..) is it too late to learn to "self soothe" or create new neural pathways and push those pain pathways back into dormancy? I've been at this now for almost 3 years and it seems much worse than the last long term issue I had over 20 years ago. I was successful then, and it took about 2 yrs and a multifaceted approach. Counseling, good personal support, a short term course of antidepressants...
I'm very worried maybe this time it's just too much and I won't make it out. I might add that I still think some of my pain issues might be age related. It's just so hard to know for sure.
Also, I want to say thank you to Alan Gordon (and the many other kind experts who give so much of their expertise and time..) for his dedication to helping those of us who otherwise wouldn't have the support or hope we so desperately need. P. S.. The Simpsons clip brought back a lot of good memories! ... Unreal that the Simpsons is the longest running animated program.. Ever! I think more than 20 years.

Lunarlass,
I think it's very likely that people with sensitive temperaments--HSPs, or Highly Sensitive Persons--would fall into TMS. The stress response is a learned reflex. I'm 70 now and have just started with brain reprocessing--and it works for me, even though my ailment is partly structurally caused. I can get myself stressed at doing the dishes, lingering in bed, looking for anything that's even just temporarily lost . . . I found a great book, The 5 Resets, that has in it a lovely on-the-spot calming technique that's been very effective in turning off my stress. Thanks to Alan Gordon, now that I recognize that it's a step in the cycle. fear->anxiety-> pressure->pain->fear->anxiety etc.

In addition, I had childhood trauma (one of the signs that one's pain may be neuroplastic, per Alan Gordon) and had just finished a year-long treatment in trauma therapy when I had a spinal injury that brought on my neuropathy. People who have had childhood trauma are by definition Highly Sensitive People. It does help me to acknowledge that I am highly sensitive and then to take my trusty stress breaths. And Lunarlass66, I wish I had learned at 51 about the fear-pain cycle. You're in the right place!

 

[Lilaynie]

Hi. Yes, there are many, many out there who suffer from all sorts of chronic conditions. And you're right--it's never done--but I hope we can improve things. I've seen some improvement over the years, but I've also seen how quickly things can return when we are stressed, anxious, or afraid

Who was it said, Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right! ? Just believe in the process. Never give up and never give in! Extinction bursts and setbacks will happen but really, what else are you going to do? Get worse and worse on drugs the rest of your life? I suspect, NO you are not! Forge ahead my friend. We’re all in this together.