New Program Day 12: Cognitive Soothing

[Emre]

Hi Emre,
Remember, the point of this exercise is to help teach your brain that you're safe. If you're in constant hypervigilant mode trying to hunt each fear thought, that sounds like the opposite of a safe feeling. I think the part of your mind that gravitates toward a fight or flight state is actually hijacking this process, so that it's using the practice of recognizing fear as a way to further inject you into a state of fear.

Know that you don't have to catch every fear thought. It's hard to feel safe if you're constantly on the look out. It's great when you catch them, and you should definitely feel proud of yourself when you do, but it's okay if you don't catch some as well. The most important thing is to come at it from a place of ease, not a place of hypervigilance.

Thank you so much Alan for the explanation

 

[hopeful_guitarist]

leading the pledge of allegiance on a popular 80s children’s show and accidentally saying “invisible” instead of “indivisible,” (hypothetically, of course…)

Tell me more!

 

[Aziz]

Gluten sensitivity? Food allergies? Maybe? Could it be related to TMS? Or maybe since TMSers are extra sensitive, any actual physical effects from various foods are felt more acutely by us. Alan, I think you said you'd address food fears. I hope so. I spent a few years "testing" and "discovering" foods that I'm sensitive to...but after discovering Sarno and TMS, I just started to wonder if it's all self-generated. Or if it can be reversed. Have I just been teaching my brain to fear certain benign foods? How to know for sure?

As I healed all kinds of TMS stuff, my wife became very intrigued and healed lots of physical problems as well. She also healed allergies to almonds, chocolate, and gluten. Just like any other form of TMS, she had so much fear of challenging the idea that her reaction to these foods was not "structural" (aka biological and permanent).

She tested the edge, approached it just like any other sort of TMS, soothed herself, and gave herself little rewards after eating some of these foods, and processed repressed emotions.

Now she eats almonds every day, chocolate a lot, and we sometimes get pizza for fun : )

 

[grateful_mama]

As I healed all kinds of TMS stuff, my wife became very intrigued and healed lots of physical problems as well. She also healed allergies to almonds, chocolate, and gluten. Just like any other form of TMS, she had so much fear of challenging the idea that her reaction to these foods was not "structural" (aka biological and permanent).

She tested the edge, approached it just like any other sort of TMS, soothed herself, and gave herself little rewards after eating some of these foods, and processed repressed emotions.

Now she eats almonds every day, chocolate a lot, and we sometimes get pizza for fun : )

Thanks, Aziz - this is encouraging. I'm also reading some other books on energy healing, and have faith that I can overcome this. I suppose I've already generated "proof" because at some point I simply decided that gourmet chocolate wasn't a problem for me, and now I keep some around to make me happy. So. Maybe I can decide not to fear any food, and gently, slowly, allow my body to catch up to this decision. I just have this intuitive sense that all the rampant food allergies these days may have some sort of mind/body component. I will try to be my own success story

 

[jessuckapow]

Without getting too psychoanalytic, I believe a vast majority of people who suffer with TMS symptoms possess a sensitive temperament. If those people also grew up without being comforted by a parent or lived in a tense, disrupted or disfunctional household, it just feels like the mold or cast was set for chronic pain to ensue.
I suppose my question is if a person has been exposed to extreme stress or "perceived" extreme stress for say more than 40 yrs.. (yup, I'm old! Turned 51 10 days ago..) is it too late to learn to "self soothe" or create new neural pathways and push those pain pathways back into dormancy? I've been at this now for almost 3 years and it seems much worse than the last long term issue I had over 20 years ago. I was successful then, and it took about 2 yrs and a multifaceted approach. Counseling, good personal support, a short term course of antidepressants...
I'm very worried maybe this time it's just too much and I won't make it out. I might add that I still think some of my pain issues might be age related. It's just so hard to know for sure.
Also, I want to say thank you to Alan Gordon (and the many other kind experts who give so much of their expertise and time..) for his dedication to helping those of us who otherwise wouldn't have the support or hope we so desperately need. P. S.. The Simpsons clip brought back a lot of good memories! ... Unreal that the Simpsons is the longest running animated program.. Ever! I think more than 20 years.

I just turned 37 and my trauma started from infancy and I've made tons of headway over the course of the last 10 years of my deep inner work and everything just seems to be one step deeper and then another and another... I think you can do it and I think you may have nailed it a bit too bcs part of you thinks it's an age thing. I used to row competitively and then taught yoga to some of the women I used to row with and these ladies are in their 70's and don't have pain. It's ain't age, and that's a good thing!

 

[Elle V]

I have never considered myself sensitive. Quite the opposite. I’m very logical and independent. But I most definitely suffer from TMS. I’ve had a great life and can find no reason for these symptoms. That doesn’t matter though. I’m learning to be gentle with myself. I don’t need to beat myself up for another relapse. I need a “mother” to comfort my primitive mind. This program really works, as I have found significant relief for longer and longer stretches of time.
So grateful to have found this community!

 

[LindenSwole]

This is wonderful. Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and I'll feel awesome - no back pain, no neck pain, etc. Then I'll stand up and would still feel great. I'd take a few steps and almost start to panic as if to say "Wait, why doesn't it hurt?" Then I tighten up and the pain returns - predictably. As she says in the clip; It's like a runaway train and I can't intervene most of the time.

This course is helping a lot, though! I am working to get the soothing on autopilot.

 

[Sonic]

This is wonderful. Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and I'll feel awesome - no back pain, no neck pain, etc. Then I'll stand up and would still feel great. I'd take a few steps and almost start to panic as if to say "Wait, why doesn't it hurt?" Then I tighten up and the pain returns - predictably. As she says in the clip; It's like a runaway train and I can't intervene most of the time.

This course is helping a lot, though! I am working to get the soothing on autopilot.

Lol yeah I can relate to that and that happened to me for a while where you go looking for it. I thought maybe it was a conditioned response or something along those lines.

In fact a few nights ago while I was in bed and I noticed my ears were not ringing and went looking for it. Then I thought to myself 'who cares if its there or not' and my mind drifted off elsewhere.

 

[Bodhigirl]

“It’s going to be okay. You’re safe. These feelings will pass. You are okay." The more we give ourselves this message – when we’re in pain, when we feel fear, even when we’re doing okay – the more we’re able to internalize it.”
I revisited this lesson today because I have the flu. Day five of feeling mostly lousy. It’s real.
But it leads to fear that other things will go wrong.
Soothing myself with kind words is so necessary. And yet I can forget.
I am safe. I am in bed with my dogs. Nothing to do till Monday! I have all the time in the world to get better. Any pressure I put on myself is optional and likely neurotic.
I relax.
I can heal and get better. I can say goodbye to TMS symptoms as they try to get traction,
Thank you! Better now.

 

[Time2be]

there are so many good insights that could be found in this thread! for me it is challenging to continue in self-soothing, not just to stop when I am doing fine. Because what stresses me is only later experienced as such - and then things are already on fire. Thanks to Alan for this wonderful course!

 

[laugiss]

Creo que para las personas que tenemos dolor crónico.24 / 7 es un desafío total. Sin embargo lo estoy intentando. Luego de 10 años de no encontrar respuestas a tanto dolor. Este curso devuelve mi esperanza. Gracias por sus historias.

 

[turveytops]

Hi Alan and all. Just a new to commenting but not new to trying to work things out. Anyway, see so much in Mandi that is so similar...I seem to always be scaring myself but I just don’t know why. I cant recall as a young person learning the world is not safe, my home life was ok although I did not recall getting much support from my parents but it was not a bad place I don’t think. I can see that I do like Mandi try and sooth my kids all the time but I can’t put myself back to a place when I felt unsafe. I can see like Mandi I do need to sooth myself, take care of myself say everything will be ok but I just can’t seem to do that or take myself bac somewhere in the past to a time where I would need to sit on a lap and tell myself it is going to be ok.
Maybe it’s just cause I know my dad seems to always be worried about his health same with my sister. I just don’t really know....

 

[ciciho]

Hi everyone! I tried something interesting today, I made my own soothing voice memo. basically I recorded myself saying I was safe and that it was just physcological, and that there was nothing to be afraid of and I love you etc. Basically I said everything my inner child needs her mom to say, everything she needs to hear to feel comforted. As I was recording it my pain started dissipating alread so I talked about how that felt in the recording. I’ve been playing it on repeat in the tough moments. Really helps because I find it hard to think of things to say during tough moments

Hope your day is amazing, cherish every victory! Tell yourself you are proud of the work you are doing! It’s hard work and you’re doing it!

 

[ciciho]

I'm not clear on how to apply the concept of cognitive soothing. This lesson was rather sparse on details compared to the somatic tracking instructions. The audio clip with Mandi gave an example of the adult self comforting the child self, and I tried that last night, but I couldn't think of any way to sooth my childhood self given some real injuries I received from the fists of a 6th grade bully, and from two pre-teen accidents. Throw in some adulthood traumas and I don't see how the mind that lived through those things can effectively soothe the mind that still fears those things.

On the positive side, I've noticed a distinct improvement in my disposition, namely less anger and frustration, in the last couple of days of practicing somatic tracking.

Hey! So today I wrote down some nice things that my inner child would like to hear from her mom when she’s scared to be comforted, like there’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s okay etc, and I recorded myself saying them. I play it on repeat in the tough moments. It’s hard to think of things to say in situations where you feel like the brain that feels unsafe could never come up with safe things to say, right!? So I find the voice note helps!

 

[Syl]

I always knew there was a second entity in there somewhere The primitive brain, or reptilian brain as some call it, is something I'm now trying to reach. I picture the reptilian brain as a cute little lizard who likes to bask in the sun. When I go for a walk in the sun I am aware that I'm also taking this lizard with me. It helps, somehow, to know that I'm sending love to the lizard via a nice walk in the sun. I only hope my cat never finds it though, otherwise the poor lizard will be gobbled up!

 

[Cheryl]

Hi Emre,
Remember, the point of this exercise is to help teach your brain that you're safe. If you're in constant hypervigilant mode trying to hunt each fear thought, that sounds like the opposite of a safe feeling. I think the part of your mind that gravitates toward a fight or flight state is actually hijacking this process, so that it's using the practice of recognizing fear as a way to further inject you into a state of fear.

Know that you don't have to catch every fear thought. It's hard to feel safe if you're constantly on the look out. It's great when you catch them, and you should definitely feel proud of yourself when you do, but it's okay if you don't catch some as well. The most important thing is to come at it from a place of ease, not a place of hypervigilance.

Oh yes, that’s what I’ve been doing...fearing that I’m not catching the fear. Geeezzzz! The lizard brain is relentless. Thanks for clarifying this, Alan.

 

[Maeve1]

James I understand what you mean. I think you can use any soothing parenting skills that you acquire for any of your "in the moment" issues. I dont know how often we need to go back and dig up those old accidents, etc (although with a trained therapist cant see why not?). One of the soothing techniques I have used with my children is mirroring. it is explained here: http://parentingprocess.blogspot.com/2010/05/lets-consider-second-developmental.html (The Parenting Process: Mirroring) I strongly believe that it is a LACK of mirroring on the part of our caregivers that fostered emotional repression in us to begin with. Hope this link helps.

On further reflection I think that some of these qualities that are desirable to nurture in Type A personalities would be, as Monte Heuftle notes in his book, to be more open, allowing, flexible, in a moment by moment way, especially in the face of the thoughts and behaviors and fears that come with this Type A personality. So for me that would mean starting with Somatic Tracking (which is essentially, allowing our feelings, and not repressing or judging them (this is Mirroring-and recommended for parents) and then using self talk to reinforce that our feelings are ok (more mirroring). And then maybe later, once calmer, asking questions to shift out of this Type A mode, such as "What if everything turned out ok?" or "How can I be more open or flexible in this moment?"

Thanks for the parenting process link Mimsy. It has struck me that if sensitive children are taught, or feel that they or their emotions are invalid then they are perhaps more likely to be invalids (sick, in pain) when they grow up

 

[SRcombs]

When Mandi was talking about how when she didn't have something to worry about she didn't know what to do. MAN that is so me. My husbands says that I have a certain number of worry slots in my head and that if all of them are not filled then I worry about the fact that they're empty!! I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even when things are going well, I'm wondering when the next bad thing is going to happen instead of enjoying the good things.

I've been working with the Curable app and that's how I found this site and Alan's work. It's funny because up till now a lot of the TMS stuff just wasn't clicking. I have never had any major trauma in my life, so I couldn't figure out where the pain was coming from. This program with the concentration on fear makes so much sense to me. My mother was always afraid, afraid we'd not have enough money (even though both my parents made good money), afraid of what people thought of her, afraid we would get sick or hurt. And now I know that I learned all this fear from her. Not because she was a bad mother, she was a good mom, but she was always afraid and fear became my norm. I didn't realize that other people didn't live that way until I married my husband. He's not a worrier and he uses these self-soothing techniques all the time, just naturally. He's self employed and as has had lots of set-backs, but he's so resilient because this stuff comes naturally to him. Now that I know I CAN teach my brain to use this stuff it's so encouraging to me.

 

[JuliaJulia]

I've always been a "sensitive soul," as someone once called me. It rang true, and it seems I'm drawn to "kindred spirits" (Anne of Green Gables, anyone?) and other sensitive souls as friends. But it seems like so many of us have TMS symptoms or are struggling with food-related sensitivities. I suspect this may have something to do with Sarno's suggestion that TMS symptoms can creep in as the new "en vogue" thing. Gluten sensitivity? Food allergies? Maybe? Could it be related to TMS? Or maybe since TMSers are extra sensitive, any actual physical effects from various foods are felt more acutely by us. Alan, I think you said you'd address food fears. I hope so. I spent a few years "testing" and "discovering" foods that I'm sensitive to...but after discovering Sarno and TMS, I just started to wonder if it's all self-generated. Or if it can be reversed. Have I just been teaching my brain to fear certain benign foods? How to know for sure?

Anyway. Thanks again for this program. I like to try and focus on the positive aspects of being a sensitive soul. I know I'm a caring, empathetic friend, and intuitive loving mama, at the very least

How very interesting that you mention the “en Vogue” allergies du jour. I read Dr. Sarno’s book as well and I think you may have hit upon something profound here. Almost no one was allergic to anything when I was a kid and certainly not gluten. There was ONE peanut allergy in the entire school. Hmmmmmmm.

Also I am one of those “sensitive” people as well. Just saying hi in solidarity.

 

[TrustIt]

Without getting too psychoanalytic, I believe a vast majority of people who suffer with TMS symptoms possess a sensitive temperament. If those people also grew up without being comforted by a parent or lived in a tense, disrupted or disfunctional household, it just feels like the mold or cast was set for chronic pain to ensue.
I suppose my question is if a person has been exposed to extreme stress or "perceived" extreme stress for say more than 40 yrs.. (yup, I'm old! Turned 51 10 days ago..) is it too late to learn to "self soothe" or create new neural pathways and push those pain pathways back into dormancy? I've been at this now for almost 3 years and it seems much worse than the last long term issue I had over 20 years ago. I was successful then, and it took about 2 yrs and a multifaceted approach. Counseling, good personal support, a short term course of antidepressants...
I'm very worried maybe this time it's just too much and I won't make it out. I might add that I still think some of my pain issues might be age related. It's just so hard to know for sure.
Also, I want to say thank you to Alan Gordon (and the many other kind experts who give so much of their expertise and time..) for his dedication to helping those of us who otherwise wouldn't have the support or hope we so desperately need. P. S.. The Simpsons clip brought back a lot of good memories! ... Unreal that the Simpsons is the longest running animated program.. Ever! I think more than 20 years.

oh my! PLEASE! you are 51 and you are already saying you are old? stop that! this is a pet peeve of mine, hearing younger and younger people talking about getting old, like it's funny or maybe an excuse. it's a meme. don't buy into it. "age related" is such an arbitrary bucket to throw anything and everything in that is inexplicable. yes, we get older, but we don't have to get old. people prove this every day. look up some videos on people 80, 90, 100, doing wonderful things - dancing, lifting weights, teaching yoga, climbing mountains! seriously! meanwhile, watch your language to see how you are perpetuating your negative beliefs. then change those to what you want to happen, not what you have been culturally programmed to "endure". it's never too late for anything that you really want to do. don't mean to yell at you, but i mean it in the most loving way! Really...STOP THAT!