When was the last time you exercised? Do you have any fears or concerns about exercise or physical activity in general?
The last time I truly exercised without fear or hesitation was probably at the end of 2020.
It was about a 30-minute run.
At that time, I still had no diagnosis for my physical symptoms. They would come and go in waves.
Then, in 2021, everything changed, and I lived with a chronic Lyme disease diagnosis until the beginning of this year.
That Lyme diagnosis almost marked the end of sport for me, even during the periods when I felt better.
Why? Probably because of fear. Probably because, in my mind, I had come to associate being ill with not being able to exercise.
As if someone who is ill couldn't enjoy physical activity.
Since 2021, I have gone swimming a few times, in 2022.
You could call those exercise sessions, but I wasn't doing them because I wanted to. It was more because I felt I needed some physical activity.
I've always loved sports.
Sometimes I think back to 2016, when I completed a 14-kilometre obstacle race.
It's one of my favorite memories because it was incredibly challenging, and I loved every minute of it.
From 2021 onwards, I occasionally rode my bike with my son, went swimming to stay somewhat active, and sometimes did stretching exercises in the hope of calming my pelvic floor symptoms.
Walking, however, has always been an activity I could do without any problems because it never increased my pain. I was even able to go on a few hikes.
But it wasn't the kind of sport I genuinely enjoyed the way I did before my symptoms began.
Since the beginning of 2025, when my chronic low back pain started, I've developed even more fear around physical activity.
Unfortunately, I've become even more physically restricted.
I've avoided a great many things.
Two months ago, I discovered the world of TMS, and over the past two weeks I've started doing things again that I hadn't dared to do before, such as going to the swimming pool with my 19-month-old daughter.
The first time was magical. Being able to carry her in the water was wonderful.
The second time, two days ago, was much more difficult because my back was already hurting, but I did it anyway.
A few days ago, while I was out for a walk listening to music, I felt something I hadn't felt for a very long time.
I'd been walking for a while, and the music reminded me of when I used to run.
Suddenly, I wanted to run.
It was 45°C outside, so it wouldn't have been sensible, but I genuinely felt that desire.
Right now, I don't feel ready. I think I would still experience too much fear and anxiety to actually do it.
But I'm moving forward little by little.
Physically, I'm daring to do more things with less fear than before.
Two days ago at the pool with my daughter, I moved and carried her in ways that my body hadn't done for a long time.
I came out of the pool with more pain.
And since yesterday evening, the pain has become very intense, which has been mentally challenging.
Even so, I haven't lost hope, and I know my back will eventually settle down.
In about ten days, I'll be on vacation with my wife and children, and I'm planning to get back on a bicycle for the first time in at least two years.
The last time I truly exercised without fear or hesitation was probably at the end of 2020.
It was about a 30-minute run.
At that time, I still had no diagnosis for my physical symptoms. They would come and go in waves.
Then, in 2021, everything changed, and I lived with a chronic Lyme disease diagnosis until the beginning of this year.
That Lyme diagnosis almost marked the end of sport for me, even during the periods when I felt better.
Why? Probably because of fear. Probably because, in my mind, I had come to associate being ill with not being able to exercise.
As if someone who is ill couldn't enjoy physical activity.
Since 2021, I have gone swimming a few times, in 2022.
You could call those exercise sessions, but I wasn't doing them because I wanted to. It was more because I felt I needed some physical activity.
I've always loved sports.
Sometimes I think back to 2016, when I completed a 14-kilometre obstacle race.
It's one of my favorite memories because it was incredibly challenging, and I loved every minute of it.
From 2021 onwards, I occasionally rode my bike with my son, went swimming to stay somewhat active, and sometimes did stretching exercises in the hope of calming my pelvic floor symptoms.
Walking, however, has always been an activity I could do without any problems because it never increased my pain. I was even able to go on a few hikes.
But it wasn't the kind of sport I genuinely enjoyed the way I did before my symptoms began.
Since the beginning of 2025, when my chronic low back pain started, I've developed even more fear around physical activity.
Unfortunately, I've become even more physically restricted.
I've avoided a great many things.
Two months ago, I discovered the world of TMS, and over the past two weeks I've started doing things again that I hadn't dared to do before, such as going to the swimming pool with my 19-month-old daughter.
The first time was magical. Being able to carry her in the water was wonderful.
The second time, two days ago, was much more difficult because my back was already hurting, but I did it anyway.
A few days ago, while I was out for a walk listening to music, I felt something I hadn't felt for a very long time.
I'd been walking for a while, and the music reminded me of when I used to run.
Suddenly, I wanted to run.
It was 45°C outside, so it wouldn't have been sensible, but I genuinely felt that desire.
Right now, I don't feel ready. I think I would still experience too much fear and anxiety to actually do it.
But I'm moving forward little by little.
Physically, I'm daring to do more things with less fear than before.
Two days ago at the pool with my daughter, I moved and carried her in ways that my body hadn't done for a long time.
I came out of the pool with more pain.
And since yesterday evening, the pain has become very intense, which has been mentally challenging.
Even so, I haven't lost hope, and I know my back will eventually settle down.
In about ten days, I'll be on vacation with my wife and children, and I'm planning to get back on a bicycle for the first time in at least two years.