Margot!!
Peer Supporter
When was the last time you exercised? Do you have any apprehension about exercising or engaging in physical activity?
Again this is timely for me. I fell behind on the program because I have been in training all week, which added alot to my day. Since April, I have been so worried about attending this training. A good portion of this training involves physical defensive and disengagement skills (think self defense) along with getting down on the floor and getting up from the floor. Something I have noticed about myself is anxiety is always there. Mostly around physical ability/energy and getting enough sleep. Anxiety makes the pain worse. Anxiety and fear go hand in hand. I had alot of fear and anxiety about this training and now sitting on the other side of it I realized that the anxiety was also about letting my colleagues down if I failed the trainer certification. The story I told myself in the months prior to this training was that I would fail the physical part of the certification and everyone at my new job would realize that I was a fraud... imposter syndrome, but also the fear of losing those relationships because I wasn't enough. More fear of abandonment. None of that was true and in the moment I was able to use self talk to help with the fearful and negative thoughts, but its exhausting to keep anxiety at bay some days.
To continue with the theme of physical activity- I was more physically active this week than I have been in months. I KILLED IT YALL!! I did all the physical stuff with NO PROBLEM just a little muscle soreness. I walked more too. Half way through the week I started to worry about "flare ups" so I went back to Dr. Sarnos audio book and started reframing the flare up thoughts. I use SO MUCH self talk... I'm sure people think I am responding to voices in my head LOL and my partner is always thinking I'm talking to him. But talking to my brain works really well for me. Yesterday was the last day of the training, I passed everything and got certified! I was very sore last night, and feared that I wouldn't sleep well. I worked with the pain and the fear. I slept through the night and did not wake up until the sun came up !! THAT IS HUGE. I think its been YEARS since I have slept through the night with no interruptions. Today... very minimal muscle soreness, no worse than when you have a good work out. More data for the fearful brain!!!!!
Ive also been talking to my little girl daily, inspired by some of the videos on the inner Lense YouTube channel. I realized that I spent most of my life doubting my childhood memories, no adult ever acknowledged what happened when I was a kid. We didn't talk about it... probably a big reason why I struggle with trusting myself in adulthood. Tomorrow I am planning to start my daily yoga flow again. I stopped months ago because of the pain. It was an awesome week of growth for me
Again this is timely for me. I fell behind on the program because I have been in training all week, which added alot to my day. Since April, I have been so worried about attending this training. A good portion of this training involves physical defensive and disengagement skills (think self defense) along with getting down on the floor and getting up from the floor. Something I have noticed about myself is anxiety is always there. Mostly around physical ability/energy and getting enough sleep. Anxiety makes the pain worse. Anxiety and fear go hand in hand. I had alot of fear and anxiety about this training and now sitting on the other side of it I realized that the anxiety was also about letting my colleagues down if I failed the trainer certification. The story I told myself in the months prior to this training was that I would fail the physical part of the certification and everyone at my new job would realize that I was a fraud... imposter syndrome, but also the fear of losing those relationships because I wasn't enough. More fear of abandonment. None of that was true and in the moment I was able to use self talk to help with the fearful and negative thoughts, but its exhausting to keep anxiety at bay some days.
To continue with the theme of physical activity- I was more physically active this week than I have been in months. I KILLED IT YALL!! I did all the physical stuff with NO PROBLEM just a little muscle soreness. I walked more too. Half way through the week I started to worry about "flare ups" so I went back to Dr. Sarnos audio book and started reframing the flare up thoughts. I use SO MUCH self talk... I'm sure people think I am responding to voices in my head LOL and my partner is always thinking I'm talking to him. But talking to my brain works really well for me. Yesterday was the last day of the training, I passed everything and got certified! I was very sore last night, and feared that I wouldn't sleep well. I worked with the pain and the fear. I slept through the night and did not wake up until the sun came up !! THAT IS HUGE. I think its been YEARS since I have slept through the night with no interruptions. Today... very minimal muscle soreness, no worse than when you have a good work out. More data for the fearful brain!!!!!
Ive also been talking to my little girl daily, inspired by some of the videos on the inner Lense YouTube channel. I realized that I spent most of my life doubting my childhood memories, no adult ever acknowledged what happened when I was a kid. We didn't talk about it... probably a big reason why I struggle with trusting myself in adulthood. Tomorrow I am planning to start my daily yoga flow again. I stopped months ago because of the pain. It was an awesome week of growth for me
