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Day 11 " my heart is overloaded with stored difficult emotions.

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Saoirse, Dec 11, 2016.

  1. Saoirse

    Saoirse Peer Supporter

    I recently watched the BFG(big friendly giant)on my own and loved it complete escapism . My husband says I love kids movies like the BFG because I never really grew up, he says with my dogs I laugh like I mean it and dance like no one is watching. As a grown woman what struck me was in it dreams are caught and contained in big glass jam jars where good ones are sparkly silver and pink and float around peacrfully.While the bad nasty nightmares are dark red, black and bounce off the glass violently trying to get out.
    Since my Mammy dies I think of my heart, the area between my breastbone as my Jam Jar where I have from an early age kept all my unwanted too scary and threatening emotions. Before not really felt as I did not really feel for most my adulthood never really experiencing emotions unless it was for my comfort zone dogs and my husband and my family . I was always afraid I now realize from a very young age it was my childhood environment but we had to be happy and seen and not heard so I locked it all away and became a consummate performer and still do to this day although I now know I dont have to work so hard to be liked or to keep the peace and I am working on just being me. I digress The heavy glass jar in my chest was pushed into my conscious existence when my Mam dies 3 moths later I though I had muscle /indigestion of the worst kind in my chest and tried to get it fixed in the physio....needless to day it was not fixed and is still heavy, dense and very much sits with pride of place just in my heart area or a little more to the middle. I am gojng to use the BFG dream/nightmare jars to visually see my own positive and negative emotions and thoughts and as a very visual person I'm gonna try soften and change the jar content through meditation and mindfulness and not sure it can be talked to like TMS but I do know its the core of TMS in me the epicenter of everything my unconscious feels I can't cope with or things to visceral and too painful to contemplate. I am have been slowly with my therapist and you guys help loosing the lid and letting some of those emotion out to deal with them and then let them move through me and OUT WITH THEM.
     

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