New Program Day 11 in need of advice

[DontStopBelieving]

The last two days have been really hard for me, I developed anxiety and panic attacks after a headache that started on Thursday. It was really for the entirety of the last week that I have been feeling particularly nervous and in fear. The reason why I say that the last two days have been really hard is because I haven't had an anxiety attack in a really long while and know that because I fought against this headache successfully, it must have happened that the symptom imperative appeared because the headache was gone when the anxiety started. Also the tightness from my stomach moved to my back. I still have the nod in the stomach but it disappears now and then, for the whole time I have a sort of a heart throbbing that becomes very "loud" during some moments. I couldn't eat much either. Today was the first day I ate at least a little bit more. There is also tingling in my legs and arms with trembling of my fingers and an overall feeling of fear. Psychologically what happened and what is going on in my life at the moment that I think is the main reason for this reaction is the following: my husband has been on a trip for the last month and I'm not going to see him for another one, I'm not happy at work and bored a lot, broke communication with my best friend because we just grew apart, isolated myself from people for the last few month, started feeling very lonely and because of that I started socialising more intensively which left me so empty every time after I had to be alone again, it was scary. Also I developed an attachment to a person in recent weeks because my brain needed the attention and the not being lonely feeling but I mistook it for something bad that shouldn't be happening because the only attachment should be to my husband. It made things worse the fact that it is a man. I spoke about it to my husband and read posts on other forums about people who develop this kind of emotions and it struck me that one of the psychologist explained that the main reason for this is the lack of attention or being taken care of when we are children. We seek it in things we do, in other people and if we find it we become somehow addicted to it. The story of my life. It is also the time of the year when my father died and just writing this down brings tears to my eyes. Not to be forgotten, PMS and period just happened last week. I'm scared of going to work and seeing this person because my brain is in need of being taken care of and that this will cause more anxiety and other symptoms. I have had decided to avoid that person but my husband said that it is not the right solution because the problem isn't the other person, I have to take care of myself and understand what is going on. Did anyone here have a similar experience? The strategies of day 10 and 11 don't really help me when I'm in the middle of a panic attack, what helped was talking to my husband but I wish I would be able to go through this episodes on my own at least once.

 

[Chimpmama]

Hi Dont Stop Believing, Thank you for your vulnerability. I hold you in my heart in a big way. For me, being honest and open like you have, is helping me heal. What I've been told, and I'm still pretty new in my TMS work, is to keep educating myself and writing until my subconscious 'gets' that there's nothing physically wrong, that it's about old and new stressors. The Knowing that my symptoms have no physical cause, that there's nothing wrong with my body or my mind, is the basis for the shift in my symptoms. I'm told to just keep working the program. It's a familiar phrase for me as I've been sober for a very long time, and it's kind of the same thing, whether it's addiction or TMS. Just keep doing the work.

Again, thanks for your post.

 

[DontStopBelieving]

Hi Chimpmama, thank you for your reply. I can only heal if I'm honest and talk about things which isn't always easy and might hurt people, journaling is a great help when I cannot talk to people but sometimes when you find yourself in the middle of a big emotional storm you don't know what to do or what it is and it is hard to think clear. Uncertainty is my biggest enemy, the source of my anxiety alongside self-doubt and agony if I'm doing something that isn't right. I'm way past the doubt if a physical symptom is TMS, I know it is, every time, my symptoms are nowadays more psychological (obsessive thinking, OCD, anxiety as a result of fear) and I still can't control the fact that I react physically when under stress. You are right, keeping doing the work helps but I must admit that there are days when I just can't fight the anxiety and feel like disappearing, depression is there as well. Today I sat through a day at work while having a panic attack almost all day. I'm proud of myself that I did it but at the same time I'm exhausted.

 

[Chimpmama]

Hooray that you made it through the day! Kudos to you for that. I support you on your journey in a big way. I so understand those days that feel almost impossible to get through. You can do this!