Day 11 and TMS Diagnosed

Hi All
I actually had an official TMS diagnosis yesterday from Dr. Paul Gwozdz. Going back for a lecturing two weeks.

I am somewhat relieved that my pain may not be from a structural deficiency but worried/concerned that I might not be able to have the willpower to cure myself. There's no doubt, that I have improved some since I started the program, but after a year of suffering I am tired of all of this. I just want it to STOP!

Compared to others I know my back pain and leg pain is not that bad, but the fact that I have it at all is annoying me a lot.

I have no doubt that I have built up feelings of anger and have repressed my feelings. When I journal and read back my entries especially to my therapists and some family members, I cry like a baby. Sometimes, I think I feel physically better after a good cry, but I am not sure.

To top it all off last week I managed to fracture/break one of my toes so I am wearing a special shoe/boot.

I am going to keep with program and am trying to not be discouraged.

Thanks for reading this. Any thoughts greatly appreciated!!

Steve

 

Reading between the lines you sound like a 'TMS' person! (takes one to know one...!) The fact that you seem so annoyed at the pain - and worried about 'getting it right'. Then you go and damage a toe - difficulty in moving forward.... Listen to your body - you have all the necessary answers within you. Carry on with the programme and make sure you don't put pressure on yourself to 'be really perfect' at getting rid of TMS. If you feel resentment, anger or deep sadness at why 'you' have the pain - look at those emotions - run with it - when did you first feel that way? When you feel annoyance welling up - get out your journal and write till it goes away. Gradually it will all make sense and you will make progress. But one of the real 'gifts' of TMS is that in healing from it we are given the chance to really get to know ourselves - our character, our foibles, our bad points AND our good points. We become a better version of ourselves along the way. But it ain't easy - Like walking up an incredibly steep hill - once we see the view - it is worth it... Good luck.

 

Hi
Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful reply. I am trying very hard to do this, perhaps too hard and when the pain comes or is present I do get angry that I can't get it to go away and to be normal without pain.
Each day at times, I feel like just accepting that I will have pain forever and that I am helpless to stop it.

Is this normal?

Thanks
Steve

 

Yes, it's normal. It is like grief, we go thru many stages when we have chronic pain. First we try not to worry and go to Drs to find out what's wrong. Then maybe we obsess about it and it takes centre stage in our life. We cannot consider a life with pain so we rush from pillar to post to find answers... If none are forthcoming we panic and think 'How do i cope with being like this?' Then somehow we accept the pain and integrate it into life - it becomes a part of us. But still we have moments when we rail against it and look for cures.... I think it is part of normal human behaviour.
I spent so many years trying every medicine, every therapy, every herb, pill or potion. I tried diets, cleansing, had all my mercury fillings removed, gave up wheat, food combined, ate only protein, ate only veg... I even gave up alcohol - once! I read every book about chronic pain/fibromyalgia, went on forums and joined self-help groups. I had spiritual healing and attended religious events. I accepted the pain, i ignored the pain, i welcomed the pain, i gave in to the pain.
Occsionally something would seem to work and then stop. I spent thousands and exhausted myself in the process.
Then i found a John Sarno book and my life changed the moment i finished it.
I recommend doing the SEP - either it will work - or you find out and understand so much more about yourself - or both! Either way you will benefit.

 

I agree with Hecate. The SEP was the basis for my recovery from horrible foot pain that at one point landed me in a wheelchair. In working the SEP you journal, and are introduced to many TMS authors and techniques. You'll also read success stories, which help you to realize that you can DO this.
Blessings on your journey.

 

Hi Gigi and Hectate
I really appreciate all of your comments and support!
I do have some additional questions and need your advice.

For those of you out there who are back pain suffers or leg pain suffers as I am burning pain in my leg).
What is your technique when the pain comes-on?(mine seems to come-on and last for hours and hours with
burning pain that drives me nuts).

How does one get it to stop, do I just repeat the 12 daily affirmations that Walt posted?
Do I tell myself over and over again that it is TMS and it is harmless and my mind is playing a trick on me and it is caused by my emotions and that
I am repressing them?

I try this daily, but it doesn't seem to make the pain go away nor does journaling, which I am doing daily.
Medidate as well twice a day.....

I get frustrated when I read that others have the pain go away compleatly in two weeks and I am at two weeks now.

Any advice appreciated!

Thanks,
Steve

 

Hi Steve. I frequently talk to my subC when TMS pain starts. Sometimes I yell at it, as Sarno suggested. At other times a more gentle approach works for me. Some people envision their subC as a toddler, and speak to it that way. Try anything and everything and see what works!

 

I agree with Gigi. We are all different - and have to find the way that fits 'us'. I was so lucky in that i got the 'book' cure - i called out the pain and it stopped. I then spent best part of 2 years keeping on doing that - as well as the SEP, other programs, reading books, journalling, meditation, and mindfulness - along with taking a break from seeing many family members who 'triggered' my symptoms... I still have to ensure i put time aside to do tms work - just coming on this forum, reading books (just finished the excellent 'Emotional Alchemy) and meditating/practising mindfulness often. But then i had suffered for more than 20 years - so it was SO worth it to finally get rid of the pain. But i think some of us do have to get to the root of WHY we have the pain - i certainly did - it was a very emotionally painful process - but again - so worthwhile. So keep on keeping on and see what works best for you - but be aware that sometimes the pain is there for a reason - see 'when' it flares up - what is it connected with? How were you feeling psychologically? or did you have a visit/phone call from family/friend, was it something work related? Did you feel anger, sadness, grief, resentment...?
It is like being a super sleuth - so get your Poirot hat on and get looking! good luck