Day 10 Day 10

[Thibaut33]

Hello,

TMS… that’s a term I had never even heard of two months ago.

I had no idea that all of you existed.

You, who are like me—or perhaps me, who is like you.

For years, I had been placed in the "Lyme disease" category.

I could just as easily have been placed in the "fibromyalgia" category.

Whatever the label, in the end we’re all facing the same thing.

It didn’t take me long to become convinced that TMS is what I’m dealing with.

One of the hardest things to accept was realizing that everything had been right in front of me all along. Since childhood, I had all the ingredients for a severe case of TMS: my family environment, anxiety, painful breakups, this deep need to be loved… it was all there.

And yet, for years, I chose to see everything through the lens of chronic Lyme disease.

In a way, that was the easier path because the cause was something outside of me.

It’s much easier to believe that the problem is a tiny bacterium or infection and that all you need to do is take medications or herbal treatments to recover.

It’s much harder to accept that my brain—and everything it has been through since I was born—may be at the heart of the problem.

I’m still a complete beginner when it comes to TMS, and I’m still finding my way.

I’m working with a coach who is helping me see things more clearly and figure out how to move forward.

The work isn’t easy because the more I learn, the more I come across ideas that sometimes seem to contradict each other.

But I keep moving forward, and every day I learn a little more.

This program is helping me discover things I never understood or had never even considered before.

Each passing day shows me that this process will take time, and that I probably won’t be one of those people who recover after reading a book or after just two or three months of practice.

That’s frustrating, and I accept it. I know this is going to take time.

I’m convinced that TMS is the right explanation, and I hope that one day I’ll start seeing results that reassure me I’m on the right path and using the right tools.

 

[Thibaut33]

My emotions and my wife:

In 2019, my physical symptoms had already been affecting my life for about a year.

That was when I met my partner, after a year of struggling.

She accepted me as I was and has stood by me through these past seven years, whereas many people would probably have left long ago.

At the end of 2024, after a difficult journey and three miscarriages, we became the parents of a wonderful little girl.

Unfortunately, when my daughter was two months old, my back gave out, and ever since then I’ve barely been able to carry her without triggering severe pain.

My partner has done everything—everything that I haven’t been able to do.

She continues to give everything she has, and it’s been incredibly difficult for her as well.

Because of that, I tend to avoid talking to her about my emotions, about how I feel regarding my TMS, and about my emotions in general.

She already carries so much that I don’t want to add any more to her burden.

Through this work, I’m learning to recognize my emotions. It may sound strange, but I’m realizing that I’ve been living with them for years without even knowing how to identify or name them.

In a way, I want to shield her from the work I’m doing, even though I’ve told her about it and have done my best to explain TMS to her.

 

[BloodMoon]

Hi @Thibaut33.

I really feel the weight of what you’re carrying here—there’s a lot of love, but also a lot of pressure you’re putting on yourself to “protect” her.

What stood out to me most is that you’re trying to shield her by holding things in. I understand why—you can see how much she’s already doing—but sometimes shutting someone out can create a different kind of distance, even if the intention is kindness.

It sounds like she’s chosen to be there with you through all of this, not just the practical side but the emotional side too. Letting her in a little, even in a gentle or limited way, might not add to her burden as much as you fear. It might actually help her feel closer to you, rather than feeling like she has to carry everything alone.

Also, what you said about only now learning to recognise and name your emotions—that’s huge. That kind of awareness takes real effort, especially after years of being disconnected from it. You don’t have to get it perfect or explain everything—just sharing small pieces might be enough. Maybe it’s not about telling her everything, but about not carrying it entirely on your own either.

And for the parts that feel too heavy or hard to say out loud, journaling or even writing unsent letters can really help. It gives those emotions somewhere to go without putting pressure on either of you.

You can take 'baby steps' with all of this and see how it goes. For the time being, you can just 'test the waters' and share what you want to share, but if you don't actually want to share anything at all at the moment that's okay too. Take your time... imo, and personally, I have found that recovery from TMS symptoms is a process that's best approached gradually.