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Day 10

futuredancer

futuredancer

Peer Supporter
My back pain went down almost entirely. I went to do gymnastics this week three times. On Tuesday, I went but felt really painful the next morning but kept thinking it was psychological so Thursday I was back on my feet. On Thursday I went again and at some point my big toe started hurting (my TMS trying to make me believe it was a nerve thing coming from my lower back) but I keep training and eventually it disappeared. I was fine on Friday. Today I went again and felt a little small thing but as soon as I felt I thought to myself it is not physical and it went away in a few minutes.
But unfortunately it doesn't feel to me like a successful story.. This week my hair loss got really bad. And every day it got worse. Yesterday I collapsed emotionally. I feel really insecure and this thing is in my mind almost all my waking hours (probably when I am sleeping too). and it bugs me even more cause when pain goes away you are back on your feet, but hair loss leaves you seeing its outcome for a long time. I know people are really judgemental about it and think it is sth minor but it totally wrecks me. It has a power over me I don´t know how to fight. I know this forum is about pain, but this the pain (emotional) that hurts the most in me now.
I had a history of self image problems. I had anorexia in my teens. But the hair is my Goliath fight.
 
Hi, futuredancer. I'm glad your physical pain is going away and you are exercising. You may not think you are having TMS succes, but it sure looks like it to me.

The hair loss must be disappointing, but I do believe it will grow back. In the meantime, are you using caps to cover it?

Maybe the thing now is for you to work on increasing your insecurity and self image. There are some good videos on those topics on youtube. You might be surprised how many very successful people feel those things.

There also are some good Youtube videos about motivation and reprogramming the mind that you might find helpful:
Here is one:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-10.13375/ (Day 10)
 
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