Day 10, who am I hiding my emotions from? and progress so far.

[Calum]

OK positives first.

My pain levels have started to decrease some days, some days they are around normal (4-5) and some days they are around 0-2. Fear levels are down, although I still get feelings of anxiety without being able to find what I am actually anxious about. I am working with a computer every day, but then I refused to stop in the first place (not only perfectionistic but very very stubborn). Feelling emotions whilst journalling is still proving a problem, but today I actually flipped out abit and went to work on my punch bag, I think this is because my girlfriend is not here so my unconcious deems it safer for my emotions to surface. I'm actively trying to be less perfectionistic (I'm refusing to correct any spelling mistakes on here for starters). I have no concious doubts about the diagnosis, but I get the odd doubt surfacing which I think comes from my unconcious, so a bit more work to be don there.


I currently hide emotions from my girlfriend. We have just moved in together and we don't see eye to eye about things like cleaning and loads of other stuff, she moans about it and I get very fustrated and angry, but don't show it too her because I'm scared of an argument. I do love her and don't want to break up over an argument about cleaning.......

 

[Becca]

WOW, that's great news about the low pain and fear levels! Congrats! Love the spelling mistakes perfectionism exercise. I should try something like that.

I was thinking about what you wrote about hiding your emotions from your girlfriend. Reading this, it seems to me that perhaps you might be afraid of showing your girlfriend anything less than perfection...that there's some sort of worry that "messing up" in any respect would cause the relationship to end. I've been there -- it's a really terrifying feeling. (I'm sort of there now, although in a different situation, but with that same feeling that I one slip up could cause total abandonment.) I'm not sure how long you and your girlfriend have been together, or what type of relationship you have, but where I come from, moving in together is considered to be a really big step in the relationship, one that can be scary and stressful. That being said, the decision to move in together is also a very personal and special one, and is a huge testament to your commitment to and love for each other.

The advice I want to give you is a version of the advice I got recently: I'm betting that, at this stage in your relationship, straying from perfection and letting your girlfriend know at least some of your frustration, even anger, will not undo the love I'm sure she has for you. Think about how you feel towards her: you are frustrated because she is complaining, yes, but you still love her. Trust that she will come to the same conclusion if you express the feelings you are suppressing (healthily, of course...I wouldn't recommend throwing a dish at the wall, or anything!). One fight is not going to cause her to love you any less in the long run. As scary as this is, I think allowing yourself to be emotionally honest with her can only benefit you, and your relationship. I mean, let's face it, people who care about each other fight. It happens. It's normal. But one fight is not going to cause her to love you any less in the long run.

CONGRATS again on all your progress!

Take care
Becca

 

[leslie0766]

Calum I have been married 29 years. If the relationship is going to work over the long haul, you gotta be honest. I have spent a long time being afraid of arguments and where they could leave but have recently given that up. My poor husband. I agree with Becca...our perfectionism and abandonment issues are lurking around.