Day 10 update

[veronica73]

Sometimes I feel frustrated with my progress, though even my doctor thinks I am doing very well. I find that a lot of my issues are related to childhood or patterns that started then and it frustrates me because I've journaled most of my life, did therapy, went to workshops, etc. and it's like how much more work do I have to do to process this stuff? I hope to start therapy with a new therapist soon who among other things works with people who have had difficult or even traumatic childhoods; I emailed him and told him about my work with TMS and he thought that it might be a good fit and that we could schedule a session soon.

I also find that I am stuck in some of the same issues I was stuck in 15 years ago. Today's question to ponder was about someone you hide your feelings from. I thought of my father (this has been a life-long issue with me and him). I hide my feelings from him for a variety of reasons. One is that he worries about everything and I am concerned if I tell him about TMS he'll be worried something is really wrong with me--he's getting older and I don't want to worry him. Related to this is the concern that he'll drive me nuts about it--"how are you feeling today?" "don't tell anyone about this, they will think you're crazy!" etc. Of course, I have no idea if he would actually say these things. Part of me feels a strange sense of elation at the idea of telling him about this and my lifelong anxiety and the rest of me thinks it's better to leave well enough alone. My mother knows some of it as she is the person that first told me about Dr. Sarno.

I don't know what I'll do but acknowledging the fact that this is even still lurking in me seems to have helped.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hi Veronica - these are some tough issues! Bringing the old patterns with your father to the surface is pretty interesting stuff. I'm not sure that many people would consider hiding feelings from a parent to be a real problem - I always thought that was a natural part of growing up, LOL! Seriously, though - where does this guilt come from? It's an interesting dynamic! Your father has anxiety (our old friend) which he likes to transfer to others (you) and he does a pretty good job of sucking you in, too, because look how anxious you are about talking to him, without having a clear intention of talking to him!

I'm not an expert at any of this, by any means. My non-professional, purely personal opinion is that I don't think whether or not you talk to your father is the important issue. The important issue is for you to choose one course of action - and make your peace with it, once and for all. For yourself, not for him. HE will survive whatever you tell him - professional worriers are good at surviving :^) Now, whether you can survive the subsequent nagging.... that's a valid decision-point!

And I may be totally off-base here! A couple of random thoughts, though...

Regarding being stuck: what if you tried something completely different? I've heard a LOT of great feedback about The Presence Process, which is described on the wiki as "...a simple, direct, how-to manual to finish your emotional past so that you can stop reacting to it and live in the present moment."

I'm also reminded of a little article that I came across at Consumer Reports, of all places: "Mind-wandering can ruin your mood" (http://news.consumerreports.org/health/2012/01/mind-wandering-can-ruin-your-mood.html ). "Mind-wandering can involve stressful preoccupation with the past or future... . Periods of mind-wandering are associated with lower levels of happiness, and frequent mind-wandering is also associated with a number of psychiatric conditions..." The article mentions various "contemplative practices" that enhance brain function and reduce mind-wandering.

Anyway, you've made it through Day 10 - good job, and keep us posted!

Jan

 

[Megan]

I don't know what I'll do but acknowledging the fact that this is even still lurking in me seems to have helped.[/quote]

Hi, hey why don't you write a letter to your dad, telling him you have TMS and telling him you hide the real you from him for 'fear' or his reaction. Write a long, detailed letter, then read it out loud in front of a mirror, then tear it up and throw it away, tell your dad you love him (in the mirror) and consider it dealt with. i don't think we need to tell everyone close to us about TMS, not in detail anyways. I often say 'I'm going well thanks, my back's getting better, how are you?' because I am not answerable to anyone. All the best in your journey.

 

[veronica73]

Thanks everyone. I tend to think about things intellectually a lot and figure I've talked through or written about these issues before so why aren't they gone? I tend to make the best of everything, reframe with positive thoughts, etc. I don't always think that's the best idea, I think a lot of times it is just another way to repress feelings. I am still having new insights on childhood stuff and I'm almost 40. I like the idea of writing the letter, I'll give that a try.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I tend to make the best of everything, reframe with positive thoughts, etc. I don't always think that's the best idea, I think a lot of times it is just another way to repress feelings.

You just hit the nail on the head, Veronica! TMS recovery is all about facing our negative thoughts - facing them, accepting them, and recognizing that they are just thoughts, they don't have the power to hurt anyone but yourself - and they can only hurt you if you fear them. Let go of the fear, lose the pain.

Write the unsent letter - it sounds perfect for your situation. Let us know how it goes.

Jan

 

[veronica73]

And I also want to check out the book you mentioned, Jan.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

The little bible for chronic anxiety. Hope & Help For Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes.

Dr. Sarno and Dr. Weekes - what a recovery team. Sadly, she is no longer with us (she died in 1990 at age 87)

 

[veronica73]

Yes! I have all of Claire Weekes' books at home. They're very helpful and calming. I also really like the Panic & Anxiety Workbook.

 

[Beach-Girl]

I tend to think about things intellectually a lot and figure I've talked through or written about these issues before so why aren't they gone?

As an unofficial expert on anxiety, as Jan said, this sentence says a lot. Anxiety is an emotional state. And there are several different types. Sounds like you are like me and worry. You really can't resolve worry through an intellectual process. It starts with an event, or something in childhood. You can "reframe" all you like, but until you reach the core of why you do what you do - and feel it - it will be your constant companion.

I am always looking at myself from a distance and the time I waste on worry. Ultimately, it changes nothing and exhausts me. But we KNOW that intellectually, now we have to catch ourselves and work it from another angle.

I got a lot out Dr. Paul Foxman's book "Dancing with Fear". Saw myself on every page. There are things in that book that described me to a "T" that I had no idea were related to my anxiety. He also gives you new ways to think and catch yourself when you start to worry.

The key is to find the root, and work from there. It's a daily process. I too have Claire Weekes book, but haven't had time to read it yet. I think there will be things in there that will help.

I tend to make the best of everything, reframe with positive thoughts, etc. I don't always think that's the best idea, I think a lot of times it is just another way to repress feelings. I am still having new insights on childhood stuff and I'm almost 40. I like the idea of writing the letter, I'll give that a try.

I'm just a tad older than you *cough* and I am still learning about my anxiety issues. It's a relief to me anyway, that I'm not alone. Millions suffer anxiety and do nothing about it.

BG

 

[veronica73]

I've found once I start trying to reason with anxiety is starts to escalate and go around in circles. The best thing for me is just breaking the worry cycle. Claire Weekes I think has something about that.

 

[Beach-Girl]

Well we'll each conquer it in our own way. After all, we arrived here in Anxiety World for different reasons. I hope you find your way out Veronica. I'll get on reading the book too and let's see where we land!