Day 10 question to ponder

[ColleenBK]

I'm writing as a response to the day 10 question to ponder. The question is, is there someone who you hide your feelings from, and why?

I hide my feelings from my mom. When I was very young, she made it clear that she would not tolerate my anger/sadness/fear. Im 48 now, and just about every single day I struggle to accept my own anger. I hide when I feel anxious (which is alot). I generally keep my opinions to myself for fear of people rejecting me. I've made good progress in my relationship with my husband, who is very supportive (he also introduced me to TMS!). But with others, especially my mom, true connection is a challenge.

Ive thought about telling her how her emotional neglect in my early childhood has affected my life. I haven't done it, though. She's nearing 80. What good would come of it? I may feel temporarily better (or not) and she would feel guilty and have to question things she did or said forty something years ago.

I have alot of grief around how my life could have been, and how it would feel to have an attentive mother who is truly curious about me. Not just about superficial things. Can anyone relate to this? I often feel so abnormal due to how strongly this still affects me.

 

[Joulegirl]

You are writing exactly how I felt-especially in the beginning of my journey. Is it worth it to tell someone how I felt about my childhood? I ended up writing an unsent letter. If you haven't come across the unsent letter exercise yet in the SEP, you will. I used that letter to say exactly how I felt to the person who I felt like hurt me. And then I got rid of that letter. And for now, I set boundaries around that person. And it's working. We have a much better relationship now. As time as gone on, the childhood hurts have lessened now. For my situation, my parents did the best they could at that time. That doesn't excuse them, but helps me see that we live in a very different world now and had they had access to more resources or were raised differently themselves, this was the best I was going to get. Wishing the best in your SEP journey. This is such a great program!!