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Day 10 Day 10 and how I'm doing

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Seraphina, Sep 28, 2014.

  1. Seraphina

    Seraphina Peer Supporter

    1. mild and manageable pain comes on and off around my ankle, wrists, elbows, knees, back, and neck. (all TMS)

    2. 2 days ago, I felt a sharp pain on my left shoulder when I stretched them backwards. I get scared a little, but calmed myself down by reading similar stories on the forum. The tension is still there, but I don't care about it that much since it's 100% TMS.

    3. Yesterday, while I was doing exercise for my right ankle (one that was really injured and currently under rehabilitation phase), I felt a sharp pain on my left groin. Most groin pain I've felt was around my right groin, so I was scared if I injured the left part this time. I also figured my left foot was a little more opened than before, so I thought that was the reason of the pain (i.e., 'I put weight on my hip joint when the joint was in a slightly incorrect angle'). I haven't feel the same sharp pain so far, but I feel the very part is still pretty tense. It feels stiff when I sit, walk, etc. I basically think it's TMS on the surrounding tendon, but I am often frustrated why TMS is still poking me here and there, trying all different parts with different types of pain. Now both groins have similar types and level of pain...which adds to my TMS self-diagnosis :cool:

    4. the BUTT pain... the worst enemy...! When sitting on a soft chair, I can tolerate until 1-1.5 hour, but hard chairs give me full frustration. I feel my butt bone (the sitting bone) put on the hard surface right away. It doesn't start as an actual pain, but it soon develops into it.
    I assume the muscle and tendons around the butt bursitis and butt bone are extremely tense and such sensitivity state gives me feeling of "the bone is touching the chair directly and squeezed onto it."
    But it just feels too physical to just ignore it... it literally feel like the bone is directly touching the chair. This is the part that I have most doubt. :(

    5. the butt pain have gradually brought the sensitiveness in the surrounding areas, too: random tingling pain or discomfort that feels like an issue of a bladder, discomfort around the perineal region. I think that's what is called a "pelvic floor pain"?
    It started as I was concerned with the butt pain spreading to other areas while reading other TMSers' stories. So I'm pretty sure it's TMS, but I'm afraid where it's going... why it's only adding up...?
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2014
  2. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Seraphina,

    I'd like to hear how you're doing, but without the emphasis on pain. In other words, how are you feeling? What is your emotional state or sense of well being? Are you feeling optimistic, hopeful, and finding some pleasure in life? I'm hoping this is the case.

    I believe TMS healing is about shifting the focus from what is going on with our bodies to how we feel emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. So Seraphina, how are you doing? :)
     
  3. Seraphina

    Seraphina Peer Supporter

    Hi @Ellen ,
    Thanks for the reminder! I was doing really well until last week in terms of "shifting the focus." You can see this in my previous posts being really positive and emotion-focused. However, when pain increases or appears in new areas, I still find myself easily frustrated and scared, which feeds the pain cycle and amplifies pain...!

    I often have dreams while sleeping, and the dream last night was one of the most horrible dreams I've ever had. I didn't watch any horror movie before going to bed. I had two dreams in a row, and it was all about blood and zombies. Well, I think I survived throughout the zombie run in the end, but I felt so scared and threatened while dreaming. I think I still have fear of something physical of my body and it is easily reflected in such way in my dreams, which is from my unconscious.

    Although I still get easily frustrated when pain comes up, however, I think I've been gradually able to catch where my mind goes. It first gets scared, looks for any evidence if it's TMS or not, and calms down after I continuously persuade myself. The time it takes for me to finally calm down has decreased, when compared to the one in the beginning of my TMS journey. So I see this as a positive aspect.

    So... in conclusion, I'm around the state that I need to learn and apply the techniques to free myself of fear when a new type of pain comes. That is the biggest fear factor for me now which feeds the pain cycle. I think that's the reason that my TMS is now trying many new pains around my body.
     
    Ellen likes this.
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I've been dreaming a lot lately and can't figure most of them out.
    Some I know are what I call "frustration dreams" when I am dreaming I am in school
    and don't have time to finish a test. Or forget where I park my car.

    I think those have to do with financial frustrations, and most of us have those!

    Fortunately, I also have happy dreams and really am glad for those.
     
  5. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Seraphina,

    It sounds like you are making progress at addressing your fear of symptoms. Just don't forget to focus on other things in life too, especially those that bring you joy and pleasure.

    When I was is the early stages of my TMS recovery, I also had some very scary dreams, which was unusual for me. They went away after a short time. It seemed like a stage I went through. Hopefully, yours will subside too.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.
     
  6. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I dreamed last night that I was running for political office.
    I consider that a nightmare.
     

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