Ok so I've been thinking psychologically and paying attention to when symptoms are better and worse etc... Basically my life right now revolves around music and being in a band. I play in a 5 piece rock band and I'm one of 2 singer songwriters in the group. The truth is that I fluxuate back and worth on an almost daily basis between being excited about the band, and resenting it. Resenting the work, resenting the dynamics of the relationships within the band, the pressure to perform, the financial pressure (we are in debt), the pressure to write songs and perform well. I realize all this is self imposed pressure.. I think? Yet the trouble is, Music is the thing that I am best at, I am a good singer and I have written some really good songs. My band is doing well on a local level and has potential to do really well. We are planning on touring across Canada repeatedly starting in March 2013 when our 2nd album comes out. This is exciting as we finally get to embrace the lifestyle and see where it goes, but it also scares me. The whole thing scares the hell out of me I think. But its so hard to know what is going on unconciously. The pain in my arms makes it difficult to function fully as a band member and as a songwriter.. I find myself insecure, very insecure of myself within the band. Before I got pain, I got anxiety and depression directly after a trauma resulting from music. I went out to Toronto to persue a career in music at the age of 19 and was badly robbed, had a girlfriend back home that I was all mixed up with emotionally, and basically had a nightmare time over there. Since then I've lost a lot of the confidence that I possessed as a youth. It also changed my relationship to music and made it tainted with a lot of pain. Obviously I'm onto something major here.. but the question is what the hell can I do about it ? I'm in no position to leave the band, and the thought is terrifying.. my entire identity as a person is as a musician/singer/songwriter. Quitting is a very terrifying thought... any suggestions ?