1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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Day 1

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by ashcatash, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. ashcatash

    ashcatash New Member

    Wow, so many emotions inside. I didn't even know they were there until I started thinking about them.

    My problem started last April, when I had a major fight with a friend. I went to bed crying and woke up 2 hours later with numbness, tingling, internal vibrations, and back pain. Various doctors couldn't tell me what was wrong (one told me I might have MS). MRIs came back clean. The stress continues over the summer as I finished my thesis. I cried myself to sleep all the time. I worried that my boyfriend might leave me because of my back problems (even though I know in my head that he is faithful and won't leave). I woke up in the middle of the night with spasms and nerve pains - like someone was sticking pins in my toes and knees.

    Then I begin to notice something. It constantly changed sides. It constantly changed places. It disappeared (sometimes for a few days at a time). This does not sound like something physically wrong with me. It sounds like nerves. I have always been a perfectionist, a highly nervous person. I worry about my parents approving of me. I worry if my friends like me or if they are secretly talking about me behind my back. I worry that my boyfriend will leave me. It's constant. But I push it down. I try not to think about it. I think all that has caused this problem.

    I would like to be free of TMS but actually I've grown sort of comfortable with it. I'm used to it. I know that sounds bad, but it's a little nerve wracking to get rid of it. Does that sound crazy? It's just that I'm so normal with it, even though I'm suffering, it's predictable in way.

    If I could get rid of it, I would like to do things I've been avoiding. After hearing about Dr. Sarno, I went ahead and went ice skating on Friday. And guess what? Nothing bad happened. I didn't destroy my back. So I went bike riding yesterday and today. Still nothing bad. I still have the problem, but it didn't get worse with activity.

    Wish me luck!
  2. Enrique

    Enrique Well known member

    Good luck! You're on the right track!
  3. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    You story sounds like mine. I am making progress. You will too.
  4. trypp

    trypp Peer Supporter

    I know exactly how that feels. Back when I had serious TMS there was one time that I went to a doctor and he said that he could cure it all with injections. I didn't know what to feel... it was just too much to process. "You mean I can get my life back?!" I remember being struck by how I wasn't overjoyed. I think it was what you are describing - as awful as my life was, I had simply gotten used to it and I wasn't ready for things to get better.

    Hold on to this memory. It is a wonderful discovery and can give you hope when times get tough.

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