Day 1

Hi this is my day 1 of the SEP.

I was diagnosed with a "significant bulge" at L4/L5 (confirmed by MRI - absolutely no other abnormalities in my mid to lower spine) 2.5 years ago. I have had chronic pain since then in the front of my thigh (which sarno says on page 10 of his book is not related to 'sciatica'). The pain always moves around my right leg and pelvis. I never have the pain in the 2 same places at once. It's either in my ankle, the foot, the thigh, across my pelvis, my lower back.

I no longer can accept it is the cause of my pain.

I have tried anti-inflammatories, cognitive behavioural therapy (to try to treat the symptom), yoga, accupuncture, chiropractor, exercise, physiotherapy and I'm no closer to a resolution of my symptoms.

I used to fear the pain. I no longer will let it run my life. I will no longer fear it.

I read sarnos book before but dismissed it as rubbish. However since all my research into abnormal disc pathologies and back pain proved there is 0 correlation I now accept what sarno wrote about in his book. I reread it again and focused this time on the personality traits which resonate with me. I also have downloaded the audio version of his book and listen to it while working so that it can get into my subconscious. Listening to Sarno read the book is fantastic! It feels like he is sitting over your shoulder talking to you. I urge others to try it.

I have OCD, suffer from anxiety also (for which im getting psychotherapy). As an adolescent, i had hay fever which I no longer have. I had acne for years which i no longer have. I had asthma which i no longer have. I was ceoliac, which i no longer am. I had a very unhappy childhood.

As dante said, you need yo go down into the inferno to get to paradise. I cried during therapy today talking about my awful relationship growing up as a kid with my dad. It just came flooding out. I will start journalling. I also want my therapist to help me through this and force me to confront myself and my resentment of my horrible upbringing with my father - i look back now and realize as a child I was in no way able to handle such emotions. Im now ready to grab this pain by the balls.

My personal question today is how I would imagine a life without TMS? Impossible to answer as I have never really lived without it. It's time to find out...

 

Lighthouse, this is a wonderful affirmation. You seem to have compassion, and a growing capacity to deal with your reality. Good luck in this journey.

Andy B.