Day 1

[Mountaingoat123]

Thank you for this Wiki. I really mean it. After spending probably more than 20.000 euros on physiotherapy, back surgery, accupuncture, psychotherapy, osteopathy, massage, rehabilitation, supplememts, books, medical devices and so on and after diligently working out in the gym three times a week, taking care of my nutrition, working part time only etc. etc... I have hit a dead end.
My story: Episodes of sciatica since about 12 years. Seemingly due to hernited discs in l5 s1 and l4 l5. Three years ago massive pain that made me bedridden and had to take opiates since the pain became unbearable. Numb right foot. After and MRI the doctor told me: It is a miracle that you are still walking. I saw the imaging and it decvasteted me. Complete obstruction of the nerve canal. Pain became worse then better again. I went to a physical rehab for three weeks, but was scared since there were some weird sensations in my genital area. Causa Equina?! Talked to 2 surgeons who advised me to do surgery asap.
So i got microdiscectomy and then I was fine for 1.3 years. Better than ever. I was working out diligently 3 times a week and became super fit. I told myself: This is never happening again.
But then it happened again. Shooting nerve pain down the other leg. I was worried but tried to brush it off. It went away after 8 weeks or so only to come back again 2 months later. I was scared, took another mri and there it was. A reherniated disc. Same spot. L5 s1. My mental health was the worst it had ever been. Even to write about this makes me tear up. Took me months to get out of this depressed state. I was back to square 1. No training, no skiing no nothing. Even walking was almost unbearable. Working in the office was so so painful. Couldnt sit, couldnt stand....only lying down was ok. Now 1.5 years later I slowly have crawled out of this deep dark hole, but the chronic.sciatica is still here. I function, i am back to hiking and the gym and it is so much better, but there is hardly a moment where I do not think about the pain. And there is so much fear that it will come back, that i will loose my job, that i am doomed to live with this.
But something in me recently remembered the podcasts and the books that I read about TMS. And I somehow believe that the pain I feel now can no longer be structural.
TMS acceptance: 85 percent... I mean i do have structural issues, i saw the MRI...but maybe even that back then was TMS...maybe...
Goal: I 100% want to believe that my mind is powerful enough to overcome this. And I am so so grateful for this forum. It gives me so much hope.

 

[Ellen]

TMS acceptance: 85 percent... I mean i do have structural issues, i saw the MRI...

Just want to point out that one can have structural issues, but not pain or other symptoms. You'll find plenty about that in your TMS books.

Welcome to the Forum! You've landed in the right place. You're on the path to recovery.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

Hi and welcome!

I just wanted to share what it says about disc herniations in the TMS guide (written by the leading experts - including Dr Schubiner) in case it helps and provides some assurance:

"Small to medium disc bulges rarely cause any symptoms, while very large herniations may do so. However, even large herniations tend to symptomatically resolve on their own within weeks to months. Persistent pain should rarely be attributed to these bulges or herniations".

"Acute pain can occur due to very large disc herniations (especially leg or arm pain), but chronic pain is rarely due to this."

 

[Mountaingoat123]

Thank you so much for your supporting words! There was one incident that I would like to point out that actually made me think about the psychological side for the first time. When the doctor back in early 2023 in the hospital showed me my MRI and told me that it'd be a miracle that I was still able to walk..my pain got instantly way worse. So much that I was bedridden for 2 days, although I had been back to work at that point... so even back then when there probably was a strucutural cause to it, the pain was amplified by the way the doctor talked and basically scared me.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

So much that I was bedridden for 2 days, although I had been back to work at that point... so even back then when there probably was a strucutural cause to it, the pain was amplified by the way the doctor talked and basically scared me.

Great reflection! It could be evidence that it's fully TMS too, as I wouldn't be surprised if the doctor had have said there was nothing wrong with you whatsoever (the doctor probably would have never said that based on the scan because of their training - but say they misread the scan or read someone else's to you with no findings) - then there's a good chance it could have disappeared entirely (yours was a nocebo, and this alternate possibility the placebo) - such is the power of suggestion (especially from an authority figure)!