Day 1 Day 1

I'm at a cross roads, accepting TMS has helped me many times in the past with back and shoulder pain, however I've had surgery on my foot, metal plates and screws put into my bones and removed 9 weeks later, this was over two years ago.

The pain had me stressed out and my mind fully occupied, I thought and currently think about my foot hundreds of times a day likely, previously I had managed to curtail my obsession and prove to myself that I'm back to normal and started playing basketball in a team, cycling and badminton, I felt amazing in my body and had no pain while doing any of these activities, I believe I stopped this program at day 3 or 4.

But then I had another injury, my ACL was torn playing basketball, I'm in rehab for that, 9 months post the injury, progress is going well, no surgery is required but the MRI shows the ACL is still torn, and the foot pain/sensations are back. I wouldn't describe it as pain, sometimes its a pressure, other times a mild pinch or a hum, the feelings are in different places, there was a time when it was on the ball of my foot below the pinky, but it's now never there and hasn't been for 2 months or more, a sign that it's psychological, furthermore I don't have any pain when working out.

It's got my mind completely absorbed in it, "how will I live my life like this", "I just got married and this pain will live with me forever", "I bet when I have my first child my first thought will be my foot" and so on.

I read this article today: https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Breaking_the_Pain_Cycle,_by_Alan_Gordon,_LCSW

When he mentions the thoughts that people have:
“Will this pain ever go away?”
“Remember how great life was before the pain started?”
“Wait- is it better or worse than it was yesterday?”

That is me, it's like he's a mind reader and knowing that my thought patterns are so common that they can be written and published by someone who has never met me brings me calm and makes me believe this must be psychological.

I am definitely a perfectionist, I want my body to be perfect, I want my pain to be non existent, before the surgery I had thoughts such as "Having metal and screws put inside you during a surgery is the worst thing possible, if I can get through life without ever needing it that would be perfect", I had those thoughts because I'm a perfectionist, it's hard for me to be in the moment and be happy go lucky. I keep a strict tab on my finances and delay gratification in order to create a better life for myself in the future.

 

Hi! Great awareness in the entirety of your post.

I think this is key. It seems as if your pain came back simultaneously with your frustration and anger at really all of the injuries you have had to sustain and the subsequent rehab. That is understandably quite infuriating. You have clear evidence to me that this stems from the perfectionism - work on that and tone that down and you won't feel the need to be perfect in your body, you'll then accept it (screws and all) and that pressure won't flow through to the pain. You'll be more accepting of the pain (both as a result of this but also due to your understanding that it isn't structurally caused) and as such it will go away as less attention is given to it.

It might not be that simple but that's my read. Best of luck!