Day 1

[calcifer99]

I found out about TMS today, and have just finished 2 hours of Dr. Sarno's lecture on YouTube. Today I’m experiencing a flare up tht is making me want to end it all, and something told me to Google just one more thought. Can sexual trauma be the cause of nerve pain? And I found this entry After a sexual assault, I started experiencing pudendal nerve pain. This led me to investigate TMS, and it confirmed some things I have always deeply believed. 1. That there is nothing wrong with me, and 2. that Western medicine cannot “heal” me.

Do I believe that I could have chronic pain caused by the brain creating physical symptoms to distract from repressed unconscious emotions like rage or anxiety (TMS)?

Absolutely. I believe that I carry the rage from childhood emotional and psychological abuse throughout most of my adult years. I’m enraged about the state of the world, I’m enraged that I’ve had to work so hard and don’t have what I want to show for it. I’m a licensed therapist, so I believe that our emotions cause us real pain, but for some reason, the buy-in for me wasn’t 100% there. I held, and still am skeptical to let go of the belief that I am incomplete, broken, fragile, or unable to get better - but I’ve tried everything, and am willing to bet on myself.

At this point, I’m worried only that I’ll be the exception to finding relief. I’m not worried I won’t do the work, because there’s nothing I want more than to "live" again.

 

[cafe_bustelo]

Welcome to the forum! I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. There are many others who are more knowledgeable and who are further along in their recoveries here to help you, but I wanted to reassure you that pretty much everyone when beginning TMS work thinks that they'll be the exception. I certainly have struggled with this, but little by little my belief is growing. My pain also began with an injury to the pelvic region and I have seen improvement since beginning this work (though I still feel like I'm just beginning).

It's great that you checked out Dr. Sarno's lecture. I would recommend reading one or more of his books, and starting the SEP here on the forum (no pressure to finish it).

I also wanted to say on your username and avatar: Howl's Moving Castle is one of my favorite movies of all time, and has become very significant to me as a metaphor for recovery; I wrote about it once in another thread here.

 

[Lavender_lily]

I believe you will not be an exception, you are already on the right path.

One thing that might help is to think of and write down any times where you were feeling nerve pain but maybe got distracted by people, tv, shopping, etc and not until you finished the distraction did you notice the pain again. This can help to reinforce that there is nothing wrong with you.

 

[calcifer99]

I believe you will not be an exception, you are already on the right path.

One thing that might help is to think of and write down any times where you were feeling nerve pain but maybe got distracted by people, tv, shopping, etc and not until you finished the distraction did you notice the pain again. This can help to reinforce that there is nothing wrong with you.

I receive that affirmation. Thank you, and the counter-evidence list was started yesterday - I really liked the idea of this tool.

 

[calcifer99]

Welcome to the forum! I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. There are many others who are more knowledgeable and who are further along in their recoveries here to help you, but I wanted to reassure you that pretty much everyone when beginning TMS work thinks that they'll be the exception. I certainly have struggled with this, but little by little my belief is growing. My pain also began with an injury to the pelvic region and I have seen improvement since beginning this work (though I still feel like I'm just beginning).

It's great that you checked out Dr. Sarno's lecture. I would recommend reading one or more of his books, and starting the SEP here on the forum (no pressure to finish it).

I also wanted to say on your username and avatar: Howl's Moving Castle is one of my favorite movies of all time, and has become very significant to me as a metaphor for recovery; I wrote about it once in another thread here.

Well, I didn't think I'd cry while reading your post, but there we were....
You said, about Sophie's hair not changing back, "and not for the worse, but for the wiser", and that struck me, because of all the unveilings that are happening, and have yet to happen for me to get to the roots of this thing. I will never be the same, yet I think I will be better - more compassionate, more empathetic. Yes, high pain days make me irritable as hell at times, but better miserable, irritable, and honest - I think.

Thanks for your reply, and I'm on Day 4