Day 1

I found out about TMS today, and have just finished 2 hours of Dr. Sarno's lecture on YouTube. Today I’m experiencing a flare up tht is making me want to end it all, and something told me to Google just one more thought. Can sexual trauma be the cause of nerve pain? And I found this entry After a sexual assault, I started experiencing pudendal nerve pain. This led me to investigate TMS, and it confirmed some things I have always deeply believed. 1. That there is nothing wrong with me, and 2. that Western medicine cannot “heal” me.

Do I believe that I could have chronic pain caused by the brain creating physical symptoms to distract from repressed unconscious emotions like rage or anxiety (TMS)?

Absolutely. I believe that I carry the rage from childhood emotional and psychological abuse throughout most of my adult years. I’m enraged about the state of the world, I’m enraged that I’ve had to work so hard and don’t have what I want to show for it. I’m a licensed therapist, so I believe that our emotions cause us real pain, but for some reason, the buy-in for me wasn’t 100% there. I held, and still am skeptical to let go of the belief that I am incomplete, broken, fragile, or unable to get better - but I’ve tried everything, and am willing to bet on myself.

At this point, I’m worried only that I’ll be the exception to finding relief. I’m not worried I won’t do the work, because there’s nothing I want more than to "live" again.