Day 1 Day 1

[Andy Bayliss]

Where am I right now in my TMS treatment and recovery?
I still have pain in my left foot, after about a 95% recovery since engaging Sarno's work starting last March...
Noticing:
--my goal of thinking psychological is succeeding; getting easier, more second nature

--aware of how stress is connected to the pain, and how it comes and goes

--more aware of the fear thoughts; and observing rather than going along; one thing I am doing, which has worked for Inner Critic attacks in the past, is simply count the fear thoughts, which is helpful. I can count about 10 per minute when I am walking...then it all disolves and I've forgotten to even notice the fear thoughts==no pain, no fear.

--teaching a little TMS class to interested friends right now, and running through this program to understand it better; believe it is activating my TMS symptoms more because of the attention I am giving TMS and my perfectionism to "rid" myself of all symptoms, and I use comparative judgement to an ideal state of "cure" which only increases tension

--some of the exercises with my class, and with a friend I am coaching really help me feel connected and whole down deep; these experiences are similar to what Alan's Recovery Program explore: being with oneself, self empathy, standing one's ground in relationship to inner and outer interferences

--I am extremely interested in exploring Somatic Experiencing because I've done loads of "top down" inner work: psychodynamic, object relations, gestalt, and I know myself well, but the idea of addressing anxiety at a deep level is really appealing

--just contemplating some of the simple SE exercises gives me space to have less self-judgement about the desire to feel safe; I want to feel safe

--I believe none of the pain I feel, or the fear is essentially that important, which is an important understanding

--rather, I feel the benefits of exploring my existence, which the pain has taught me to investigate more fully; sounds cheesy, but it is true, and this is the arising of a deeper strength

--the way I am constructed, there is a deep tendency to doubt and fear, and this is to be witnessed and held, not denied, judged, or rejected

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Andy, I like your post and appreciate your self-disclosure!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Yes, Andy. I too feel I gain a lot by reflecting on my early years, more than on pain or other symptoms.
I'm posting later today about Caregiving and TMS Pain from a book by a friend of mine in her 80s.
She has some wisdom on why our early years can cause us pain later. Hope you'll take a look at it.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Thanks for the heads-up Walt. I'll take a look.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Andy B) --more aware of the fear thoughts; and observing rather than going along; one thing I am doing, which has worked for Inner Critic attacks in the past, is simply count the fear thoughts, which is helpful. I can count about 10 per minute when I am walking...then it all disolves and I've forgotten to even notice the fear thoughts==no pain, no fear.

Eric)- Andy could you elaborate on this counting to ten about fear thoughts more, I really think its interesting


Andy B)--teaching a little TMS class to interested friends right now, and running through this program to understand it better; believe it is activating my TMS symptoms more because of the attention I am giving TMS and my perfectionism to "rid" myself of all symptoms, and I use comparative judgment to an ideal state of "cure" which only increases tension

Eric)- Your teaching a class in tms therapy, that's cool. Are you the Andy that I got my Sarno videos from? ok with that said, as I learn a lot of tms knowledge daily myself id advise to go with the flow and not expect any cure, just let it happen ya know and keep your mind open as not to take any thing to seriously, just take it all as good stuff to know. it'll really help to not think intensity, just think mindfully. Could you explain " comparative judgment " ? I really can tell you know a great deal on how to obtain the cure, its just outside objectivity will help as you learn more. Right?


Andy B)--some of the exercises with my class, and with a friend I am coaching really help me feel connected and whole down deep; these experiences are similar to what Alan's Recovery Program explore: being with oneself, self empathy, standing one's ground in relationship to inner and outer interferences

Eric)- This is good stuff Andy, you really are doing a good thing for yourself and others, your a person of Gratitude, Awesome.

Andy B) --I am extremely interested in exploring Somatic Experiencing because I've done loads of "top down" inner work: psychodynamic, object relations, gestalt, and I know myself well, but the idea of addressing anxiety at a deep level is really appealing

Eric)- You'll love Somatic experiencing, Peter Levine teaches it well as does Eugene Gendlin. Try the search engine, you should find some good stuff. http://tmswiki.org/search/

Andy B --just contemplating some of the simple SE exercises gives me space to have less self-judgement about the desire to feel safe; I want to feel safe

--I believe none of the pain I feel, or the fear is essentially that important, which is an important understanding

--rather, I feel the benefits of exploring my existence, which the pain has taught me to investigate more fully; sounds cheesy, but it is true, and this is the arising of a deeper strength

--the way I am constructed, there is a deep tendency to doubt and fear, and this is to be witnessed and held, not denied, judged, or rejected

Eric)- This is exactly what Somatic Experiencing is about, welcome aboard.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Eric,
Andy could you elaborate on this counting to ten about fear thoughts more, I really think its interesting

This is a simple way for me to take my ground: I am counting without engaging. Set a timer for 5 minutes, or watch as I do an activity: how sensations of discomfort or tightness lead to the arising of a fear thought like "ouch, the foot may really be physically hurt" or "you're not getting better." There's one thought, there's another, keep counting. It is attuning to the "inner" without being swept away. Helps mindfulness for me....

Could you explain " comparative judgment " ?

In this case I meant I have a thought that compares what I am experiencing in the moment to some ideal of what "I should be feeling or thinking in order to be 'good enough, together, or spiritually attained'." Can yo relate Eric? It is an accute kind of Mind F**k that is typical of a perfectionist outlook. Also, more typically it means comparing me to the other; either side of equation can be more positive or negative, like a see-saw. "She's not tuned in like I am." or "I am not getting anywhere compared to Eric."

Eric)- This is good stuff Andy, you really are doing a good thing for yourself and others, your a person of Gratitude, Awesome.

Thank you for this Eric. It is nice to be seen this way, and to reveal this more clearly to myself, without comparative judgement! I feel good hearing it, and it makes me more curious to feel this positivity directly. My own positivity feels more available to me, as I read your statement...

I did a session with a friend psychologist today with SE; she's learning it and she guided me. Great stuff indeed~! Part of the learning is disengaging from the mind, and feeling safer in the body...

 

[nowtimecoach]

Wonderful thread. Thanks Andy. I love the idea of counting out the fear thoughts as they pop up. It immediately puts me in a different relationship with the thoughts than if not observing. They become Less Me. Also Comparative Judgement - another great exercise. To be able to disengage long enough to SEE that I am DOING comparative judgement - brings me back home to the moment, enough to say "now why the heck would I do that to myself?"

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Nowtime,
Yes, I am doing the counting, and almost always, the whole attachment to the fear drops away, much quicker than trying to "Not be fearful!!"

 

[jazzbluescat]

Great idea Andy I am going to have to try this counting idea!