Day 1

Hi all -

I'm a woman in my early '40s and have been very active my entire life. I love running and swimming, and have done a couple of sprint triathlons and many road races. My troubles with my back started when I was in my 20s and about to move abroad for work. I was working with a CrossFit trainer who had me doing heavy lifting, and just before I was supposed to leave the country, I started having bad back pain. Long story short, I dealt with this pretty much constant pain for almost a decade, with the symptoms progressing into neurological troubles (dizziness, lightheadedness, arms and legs going numb). I started seeing a therapist who recommended the book Back Sense, which at the time was a total game-changer for me and relieved much of my chronic pain.

However, after my second child was born, I started having debilitating back spasms every 4-6 months. The trigger would be different every time, and I never knew what would bring on the spasms. I went through countless rounds of physical therapy, chiropractic, acupuncture, cortisone shots, etc., etc., but nothing helped. My MRIs revealed several herniated discs, some mild narrowing, and spondylolysthesis, but no smoking gun that was the definite cause of my pain. All the doctors I saw were just like, "Hmmm. Well, let's try [x]." And I kept going along with it, because what else was I going to do?

A few days ago, just as my husband and I were getting ready to have a child-free weekend away, I got another terrible back spasm, so bad that I was hobbling around and couldn't stand up straight for several days. I was frustrated and felt so alone with this affliction. I don't know anyone else my age who regularly has back spasms, and I was feeling very sorry for myself. My husband suggested I google it to see if anyone else was going through this and if they had any solutions. I ended up on a reddit thread that pointed me towards Dr. Sarno's book, which I read in one day. In many ways, Dr. Sarno's approach seems similar to the Back Sense approach, except that it directly addresses spasms, and also explains why the body and brain are working together to create a distraction from difficult emotions. I am an Enneagram Type 1 -- perfectionistic, conscientious, self-critical -- and so the description of the personality types who suffer from TMS was dead-on for me.

I really want this to work and so I am dutifully going to do each step of this structured educational program in hopes that I can finally get rid of these spasms, which have been such a source of stress and loneliness for me over the last eight years. My only niggling doubt has to do with my spondylolysthesis, which Dr. Sarno mentions in the book as a potential source of pain. Logically, though, it doesn't totally make sense to me why one tiny broken bone in my back would generate spasms every four months rather than constant pain, so I am trying to let go of that and accept that my pain is probably emanating directly from my brain.

 

Welcome! It sounds like you are on the right track to start the work! It sounds like you have exhausted all resources with your doctor and now need to focus on healing with your emotions. As I read through your synapsis, you can see when events happen to trigger the pain. Moving abroad, having a child, and getting away for the weekend.

Here is some advice for you as you start the SEP:
1. Don't put pressure on yourself to heal-that will have the opposite effect.
2. Let go of your perfectionism. I can see it where your wrote that you will "dutifully go through each step." You don't have to do this program perfect for it to help you-just follow along each day! The only way you can mess up this program is if you don't do it at all.
3. Lastly, start living life. This will look different for everyone depending on their symptoms and how long you have had TMS. Find something you enjoy and do it. Or plan something so you have something to look forward to. Don't keep your focus on TMS. Do the SEP and then go about your day. This forum is wonderful for helpful advice and seeing others improve!

I highly recommend listening to Nicole Sachs. She has a podcast and was diagnosed with spondylolisthesis. Even if two people have the same symptoms, the healing will be different. But you can see how she handed her diagnosis as it has not affected her at all after doing journal speak.

 

Thanks! I just ordered Nicole's book.