Day 1

[Needel94]

Hi there,

I’m really excited to begin this journey. I’m a 30-year-old male and I was diagnosed with TMS two weeks ago by a medical professional.

I’ve been struggling with chronic neck pain for around 7 years, lower back pain for 1.5 years and upper back pain for about 7 months.

At this point, I’ve accepted that my pain is the result of TMS, but I am not fully better. I have experienced a moderate reduction in symptoms, but they still pop up every day, most of the day. I have strong conditioned responses that lead to pain — sitting is a big one, for instance. You can see how that would cause frequent symptoms.

Around the time I discovered TMS, about five weeks ago, I purchased an acupressure mat, and that seemed to relieve my symptoms — though some on this forum have insisted that was likely due to a placebo. I’m still grappling with this truth. Perhaps I need to let go of the mat, or the belief that it was the mat that was helpful.

I experienced a complete reduction of pain in late December for a 4-5 day stretch. It was in the days leading up to my appointment with the TMS specialist. I was also nursing a bad cold. I wonder if my symptoms dissipated because I was so focused on the cold, or because of the anticipation of seeing the doctor.

Anyway, really excited to continue on this path. This forum seems like an incredible support group.

EDIT: I should also note that I have IBS and have struggled with frequent bowel movements my entire life. I have about 5 BMs a day and persistent gas. I've had two colonoscopies, both of which yielded no significant discoveries.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I was also nursing a bad cold. I wonder if my symptoms dissipated because I was so focused on the cold, or because of the anticipation of seeing the doctor.

It could be either or both, but perhaps more likely the cold symptoms, because they are uncomfortable, and your TMS brain likes of any sensation which keeps you uncomfortable and on edge, always worried about danger. It only needs to create symptoms if your body doesn't have one at hand, LOL. Anticipation (aka anxiety) about the visit could certainly add to the distraction.

So now that you've discovered the crazy variability in your symptoms, remember it as you get into the program - because it's likely that you will experience all kinds of things as your TMS brain scrambles to keep you in fear instead of uncovering emotional vulnerabilities. In its view, emotional vulnerability is a risk to your physical survival, which is something that most of us learn in childhood as our emotions start being repressed by our caregivers. Pretty soon we are experts at repressing our emotions on our own.

As you work the program, you might get worse symptoms, and/or new symptoms, and/or a return of symptoms you haven't experienced in a while or forgot you ever had (most of us realize, as we make our SEP lists, that we actually had TMS symptoms in childhood). You might even experience an increase in anxiety or other mental symptoms (anxiety is the most common). These are common, they are normal, and they are 100% created by your primitive fearful TMS brain mechanism. Your brain will do its best to get you to rush through the SEP, to skip things, to avoid certain topics, to even believe that certain list items are "not important" and so on. It ultimately wants you to get nowhere so that you give up... don't be fooled! If you are mindful of these tricks, you will have a rewarding and life-changing experience.

Anyway, really excited to continue on this path. This forum seems like an incredible support group.

It is! Keep posting and keep us posted!

 

[Needel94]

Thanks so much for the feedback, @JanAtheCPA.

In its view, emotional vulnerability is a risk to your physical survival, which is something that most of us learn in childhood as our emotions start being repressed by our caregivers. Pretty soon we are experts at repressing our emotions on our own.

What's interesting about this as I'm actually extremely emotionally vulnerable, at this point in my life. I wasn't always like that, but in recent years, I've really prided myself on my emotional availability/intelligence/vulnerability. I'm sure I have room to grow in this regard, but I almost wonder if, given that I'm starting from perhaps a higher level of emotional vulnerability than most, maybe I won't experience as significant as a symptom reduction. Does that make sense? I'm probably over thinking this.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I'm probably over thinking this.

You are definitely overthinking everything! Remember what we said on the chat today about the negative pressure exerted by expectations, vs developing an attitude of Outcome Independence. Accordingly, I refuse to respond to your speculation, because if I did, I would be enabling your TMS brain to keep you stuck. Not gonna do that, because I know what I'm looking at and I am not fooled! You can get there yourself, someday, IF you can let go of all of this analysis and intellectualizing and actually engage your emotions without all of the preconceived notions.

Hah - that was an unexpected rhyme, and a good one, too! I might have to work on that one...