Day 1

[Matt4123]

I have read Dr. Sarno's Healing Back Pain twice now in the past week. I am desperate to get out of this pain. About 6 months ago, I was bending down doing something at work and the pain started, I couldn't get out of bed the next day. The pain was a 9/10. It subsided a bit in the following weeks but I'm still sitting at 4/10 on my bad days, and I constantly feel that if I move the wrong way my back will spasm with shooting pain that radiates down my left leg. Xray showed degenerated lower disk with only a little fluid left in it. MRI showed bulging l5s1 disc (not currently touching a nerve). Regular ortho, and ortho surgeon both say that there is nothing to operate on (thankfully). I've done PT, Chiro, spinal injections, 3 rounds of prednisone/oral steroids). Vitamins, b12, vitamin C mega dosing, turmeric, tylenol, ibruprophen 800, and meloxicam 15mg, heat/ice, cupping, massage, hanging from a pull up bar, Mckenzie stretches, treadmill, elliptical, hot tub, and lost 25 pounds in an attempt to rid the lower backpain.

The pain just won't go away. I feel useless sometimes..... the other day I went to Home Depot with my wife and I had to watch her loading bags of mulch, embarrassed, because I'm a 33 year old man and appear to be able-bodied (aside from a little extra weight). We have 2 small children. It breaks my heart when my little guy cries and reaches up for me to pick him up, and I can't because of the fear of pain that i may experience, either immediately or the next morning. I am definitely guarded and try not to do anything that will trigger an episode. I have extreme flexion intolerance (whether real or perceived? I'm not sure, but I'm afraid to bend forward at all)

Sitting too long hurts my back, laying too long (can't sleep more than 6 hours or so before my back is on fire). Standing for too long kills. Standing from a seated position sometimes sends a spasm down my leg and my back. I have enough different lumbar support pillows to replenish a nursing home. I'm afraid to go to bed, because I'm afraid of how i'll feel in the morning.

I don't know what else to do, I feel like another child that my wife has to take care of, I just want to run around with my kids, pick them up, and push them on a swing without fear of being in pain the next morning. I want to take the trash out and not have to ask my wife to do it. I'm irritable because of the pain, and my wife and my kids don't deserve it.

I think I have TMS after reading Healing Back Pain?? I started applying the methods last week and the pain seemed to slowly get better but I think I may be doubting it because of how much pain I'm in? And now I'm back to square 1. I'm a supervisor and my job is pretty stressful, my kids both have slight learning disabilities and they can be tough to handle sometimes. My wife is getting sick of having to do everything, and I don't blame her. These are just a few things I believe might be contributing to my TMS. When I'm anxious or nervous is when my back is at its worse, so it's got to be emotions/TMS right?! The only thing I look forward to on my bad days (more often than not) is the next time I can take my tylenol/NSAIDs. Praying I don't ruin my stomach in the process.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Dear Matt,

Welcome! Reading your story you fit so much the TMS sufferers' stories. Importantly, like so many lucky others, you've exhausted the other methods and found that this mind-body thing might be the actual explanation!! And that the physicians can't find anything wrong. That is a lucky stroke.

You see the connection between your emotional state and pain levels. Bravo! Keep noticing this without judgement. Just track it and recognize it as evidence that you have TMS.

As you do this program you'll learn, I think, so much more about the inner you. This can be life-changing. Many people who have done this program have expressed gratitude for simply this aspect, in addition to the pain-relief.

Keep posting your progress, questions, ideas. Read success stories every day. Avoid reading negative or stuck posts. Dwell in the realm of healing.

Andy

 

[Matt4123]

Thank you for the response Andy. I'm really hoping it's TMS. I actually made an appointment with a pysiatrist that also does TMS diagnosis, supposedly he worked with Sarno for a while way back when. It's in a few weeks and we'll see how that goes.

I'm trying as hard as I can to redirect my brain when I get spasms/shocks of pain in my lower back/leg. I keep trying to tell myself its not a physical ailment and it's caused by my emotions. But sometimes its hard to convince myself because how painful the electric shocks and throbbing are. The past 3-4 days my left leg sciatica has been worse than the back pain, especially walking down stairs for some reason. Constantly feels like a Charlie horse in my calf that shoots up to my lower back. I'm trying though.... I think.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Good luck with your work Matt. There is a strength which takes hold in time, and it is hard-won. Meantime, if you can shift your awareness to "what is happening to me on the feelings level right now, what is it that 'does not want to be felt or known?'" this is helpful too.