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Day 1

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by George2020, Sep 16, 2021.

  1. George2020

    George2020 Newcomer

    Hello friends,

    Today is Day 1 of my 40 Day program, in the hopes that what Dr. Sarno describes as TMS - which fits me to a T, puts me on the road to living a healthy, pain-free, fear-free life. A little about me, I am 34 years young, active, healthy and 6'7''. I have been an athlete my entire life. I am known in my friend circles and family group as being the 'healthy, fit' one.

    But, things started to change a little bit ~3/4 years ago. Little by little, as they tend to it seems. It began with my picking up a barbell on the beach in Miami, feeling a 'tweak' in my low back and being unable to stand up or walk upright for a few days. A steroid pack later and I was back on my feet, back to moving around. Back to the gym.

    Then came two years ago. My wife and I were in the process of having our first child, along with moving to a new city (back home) and buying our first home. In that period, my back went completely 'out'. I went down to tie my shoes one morning, felt an odd 'twinge' of sorts, so I went over to lie in bed and I then went into full spasm. No sciatic pain, fortunately, but I was unable to stand for 3/4 days. All in all, it took me a good 4-5 months to recover. Maybe 6-7 to be clear of the fear of re-injury. But, never completely. I still watched my movement patterns carefully, I stopped bending over to tie my shoes. A sad state of affairs really for someone so young and someone so healthy. But, I felt like I was mostly in the clear at that point. I had solved these mechanical issues so I thought.

    Until a month ago. After returning from a family trip in Michigan I was playing with my now 17-month-old son in the living room and felt that same initial 'spasm' or twinge. It spooked me, so I was careful the rest of that morning. Later that day, I go to get into the car, and when I went to get out...well, I couldn't stand up. My wife had to carry me into the house. 3/4 days of lying in bed again, unable to stand, having to urinate into a bucket. Just like I was two years ago. An interesting tidbit here...I am currently in the process of evaluating a new job opportunity. That opp is on my mind constantly. As the breadwinner and such a career-focused individual, I view decisions like this as 'make or break'.

    I'm a perfectionist. I care a lot about how I look (obsess over it sometimes) ie. I get haircuts weekly, I care a lot about what others think of me. I am always trying to please those around me. I often don't say what I really mean. And I completely - I mean completely, repress all real emotions. For so long, I have viewed those that express emotions as weak, and unable to control their own emotions. My injury pattern reflects this. It seems that when I am going through a difficult time, my low back issues flare up, always in nasty ways. And nastier over time. 2 years ago...our first child and first home, along with a new job. A month ago...a career defining decision. Our second child on the way. Just a week ago, coming out of therapy with my wife and my back spasms again and I am set back 3-4 weeks. Doing of all things that morning, my rehab/ core work.

    So here I am. Looking for a real answer besides what is shown to me on an MRI. I am here because I believe that the mind and body and intimately connected. I am here to face these deep, dark, rooted emotions once and for all. And I am hoping (believing?) that I have a severe case of TMS.

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