Day 1

[airdrummer]

I am 32 years old I’ve had back pain since I was 17 when I was 29 years old I had a episode of back pain that was the most intense I’d ever had in my life to that point it’s sent me on a journey including physical therapy medication yoga stretching MRIs x-rays and chiropractic. I read Sarno’s book healing back pain when I was 31 and had a breakthrough that lasted up until present day. However now I’m about to enter my sixth week of back pain. I experience tightness that sometimes starts and gradually in the morning i’m completely bought into TMS theory but am unable to totally resolve the pain. by the end of the day I’m hunched over unable to walk upright with intense pain whenever I activate my low back or hip muscles. I try to ignore the physical pain as much as I can and move through it normally to prove to my brain that I know that there is not a structural problem with my back.

 

[hecate105]

I think many people have a blip or something at 29-20 years. I already had fibromyalgia (so called) but had a major operation followed by a nervous breakdown on my 30th birthday..! They call it the Saturn Return. I think its like a time in your life when you internally sum up your life and where it is going....
You say about the pain and tms theory - but you do not mention any stressors or triggers. Perhaps look at what's going on in your life now - work, lack of work, relationships, family, money etc....and see if there is something going on that could be triggering your current 'pain'.
Basically pain is there to take our minds off the repressed stress we feel - that can be triggered by those occurrences that 'push our buttons'. For instance a family event coming up can trigger pain because we have anxiety around some of our relationships...It doesn't mean we don't love our family - but every relationship will have stresses as well as positives.... Or an increase in pressure at work - or just perceived pressure could trigger pain...
Look at your situation and see if any stressors are obvious to you, if not, get journalling, you will soon find some things jump out at you!! Good luck!

 

[airdrummer]

Thanks for your response. Are you completely cured now? How long did it take if so? To answer your questions...

My anxiety and stress come mainly from...

• my alcoholic father being mostly emotionally and sometimes physically abusive when I was growing up. He told me that he wished I was dead when I was 6 years old. He choked me and hit me against the deep freezer in our garage when I was around 15 years old. He would forget to pick me up from boy scouts and I would be left alone crying on more than one occasion, and he would drink and drive with me in the car, etc.
• he would withhold love as a weapon and I never fully dealt with all the pain he cause me until a couple years after he died. He died when I was 28.
• I'm currently planning my wedding, and getting married in February.
• my job is somewhat high pressure and high stakes. I frequently have to present to skeptical C-level executives.
• I'm very loyal to my friends, two of whom are in crisis often.
• my mom had to be two parents when I was growing up, which explains why she has trouble setting boundaries, which stress me sometimes. This is usually only an issue for me around holidays because she guilts me for not using more of my PTO to spend at home.

What I have going for me positively and reasons I believe in TMS....

• I'm as all in as my personality allows in believing in TMS. The pain is psychogenic because I can do indoor rock-climbing, run six miles, etc. without pain during the activity, but about 30 minutes after exercise pain and tension return. I think when the flight or fight instinct is trigged my unconscious is overruled and the pain disappears.
• The pain starts mild and becomes more intense with more tension as the day goes on.
• I once got into a near accident with a bicyclist and my back pain immediately struck due to stress I believe.
• my pain seems to be worse on Mondays (when stress is high from returning to work)
• I have a VERY supporting and love fiancee who is all in on TMS (recovered from short term wrist pain cause by TMS herself) and has a medical background.
• I have a good job and can work from home one day a week (both to relieve stress and if the pain is really bad)
• I had a breakthrough moment last year which still keeps me hopeful even though the pain has returned.
• I do journaling, go to therapy, do yoga occasionally, and maintain self-loving mantras.
• The pain seems to be changing: moving from left to right side of my low back, into my hips, sometimes up my spine. It feels like it usually centered around the base of the spine.
• I also get erythema nodosum (nodules on my legs), spastic esophagus, and chronic diarrhea, BUT all intermittently, and none happen while the back pain is happening.