This is Day 1 of the SEP for me but I finished Dr. Sarno's book, "Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection" last night. I am convinced in the diagnosis seeing that I am already interested in yoga, meditation and mind-body practices, but I feel like I'm fighting my subconscious as I let all of this go. It hasn't been totally easy. About 10 days ago, my acupuncturist recommended I read Dr. Sarno's book. My symptoms of sciatica and back pain and toe numbness went away immediately the next day, and I was overjoyed to be cured. It seemed almost too easy. Then, the following week I had a coffee late one afternoon after work (which I rarely do) and could barely sleep, knowing I had to get up at 6 for my new job the next day. My heart was pounding, I was worked up and anxious and angry and only slept 2-3 hours. I woke up the next morning with horrible back pain, worse than ever, present again in my body, and this past week has been hard for me in terms of sleep and restlessness. All things lead to other things... I have a history of perfectionism and OCD-induced anxiety ever since childhood which has never been fully resolved, especially at night, and even while I was reading Sarno's book could not sleep very well last week because of the pressure put on myself. The anger of doing something to myself, like the back pain and the lack of sleep. Now I have continued reading the and feel much improved again, with occasional pains coming up, but I am talking to my brain and to the pains and letting them know I am in control. I particularly liked the point in the book about how we should not blame ourselves, it is not our fault that we are doing this and we don't even know we are doing it to ourselves, it's just a habitual pattern we have become accustomed to due to upbringing and environment. I had a few better nights at the end of last week yet I could not sleep very well again last night, my mind tending to fear lack of sleep and the anger and anxiety that come up when it happens. I tried to relax and finish reading Dr. Sarno's book instead of toss and turn at night, which helped me and I fell asleep quicker than I have in past days. While the back pain originally came after a car ride and stepping out of the car made me feel that my back had been "thrown out", the strange numbness and tingling and throbbing felt more neurological and not normal for just being a pulled muscle. Thinking more about things, I have always had a pretty open schedule and been pretty flexible in my work, working part-time and since this is my first full-time job where I am supporting myself and away from my family, perhaps I am feeling angered and unsupported and upset and anxious. I don't feel I'm getting enough help, and even living with my boyfriend causes some anger as I wish he gave me more attention. Anyway, to make a long story short this book and program are already helping me so much, and I am finding that it's helping me let go of years and years of OCD and anxiety which I have fed into and repressed. It takes hard work but I am excited to get better and better and heal.
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