Day 1

Marytabby

Marytabby

Peer Supporter
Hi,
I overcame all my back and neck pain in 2005 with Sarno's books. Whenever I have a new relationship and it gets sexual, I get yeast infections, UTI's or what FEELS like UTI. Yes, I was sexually abused as a child and I have worked through this in therapy for years. Maybe I just still have some issues around trust. Not sure.

My current TMS equivalent is bladder/urinary pressure and UTI/urgency symptoms. I had this set of symptoms 3 years ago and I saw all kinds of GYN specialists and urologists. All tests then, including a cystoscopy showed nothing wrong. They wanted to treat me for IC (interstitial cystitis). I was dating someone at that time whom I was feeling doubt with. He was demeaning to me and I started worrying maybe he wasn't the guy for me. The day after we broke up, ALL the bladder symptoms disappeared. I KNEW all along this must be TMS but was having doubt. Now I had no doubt.

Fast forward to ten days ago. I am in a new relationship of 5 weeks with a separated man who is stalling his divorce. We start to get intimate physically and I get a raging yeast infection, AND also at the same time I have BV (bacterial vaginosis) and I get put on antibiotics. Then the bladder UTI symptoms came on. Now full anxiety is in place and I'm taking 1/2 Ativan to calm down. I was in urgent care 4 times that week. I was put on antibiotics even though the culture showed no UTI, so I know I am back down this rabbit hole again. I am very uncomfortable. My urethra is on fire. When I bring my concerns to my man about him stalling his divorce he said he wants to take a break from our dating, take a step back. Ok, I hope the bladder symptoms will now cease like they did 3 years ago when my prior boyfriend broke up with me. Nope, the symptoms are still here. Part of me feels like I have no closure because this current man is just "stepping back, taking a break". He won't talk to me so I can't even formally break up with him or have my say if I wanted to. I feel like if I could have a chat I'd feel better. Because then the symptoms maybe would stop. So I am giving him his space, and even though I have had great TMS success in the past and have read EVERY Sarno book and all the other TMS books, and I am a walking TMS encyclopedia, I am back where I was 3 years ago. My guess is that even though I am closing the door on him in my head, I am in a sub-conscious rage. Also my brother died in May. Lots of grief there. So I am going to try this SEP. Today is day 1.
Mary in Boston
 
Hi, Marytabby. I'm sorry about your symptoms but it looks like you know from where they come, your relationships. I think you need to stop hoping your current guy figures himself out and leaves his wife. It may not happen, so try to find another guy. It's unfair of the guy you've been with not to want to talk to you about the situation. That sounds like he's only interested in himself, and that's not a good thing for you. I'd do what Nellie Forbush did in "South Pacific" and wash that man right out of your hair.

I'm glad you've begun the SEProgram and that you have such strong belief in TMS. That's what it takes to heal, as you know from experience.

You'll come out of the relationship rabbit hole. Keep positive and smiling. A smile can attract someone new who could be the right one for you.

From your TMS name, Marytabby, I wonder if you have a cat. I'm a dog guy because I'm allergic to cats, but either kind of pet is wonderful and helps us in trying times.

And maybe for now, just enjoy being independent and not under a relationship problem situation. There's a lot to be said for being independent. Spend more time with your girlfriends, especially the happy ones, whether they are single or married.
 
Thanks, Walt. I have definitely closed that door. I appreciate your advice, and I do have happy girlfriends. To answer your pet question, I foster homeless cats on occasion. My profile pic is a boy cat I fostered last winter and spring. He was very sickly and I got him healthy and adopted. I may opt to foster again soon now that summer is over and I have more time on my hands not being with the man. Also, since I am not new to TMS, and have practiced this work since 2005, would it be ok for me to do two days in one day? I don't really feel the need to go one day at a time. I am doing all the work, but I also have done a lot of this reading already. I am doing 2 days per day.
PS: I had a nice supportive chat with my sister last night and already today I feel physically a bit better because she gave me some validation in my situation with the man. I have been beating myself up. I know I did the right thing and she helped me see that. Today was a decent day. Not perfect, but acceptable for just chipping away at this.
 
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Hi,Mary. Yes, doing two days in one in the SEP is fine.

Taking in a boy and homeless cats are wonderful things to do and you should congratulate yourself.
 
Sorry, I meant a boy cat, not a boy. But thank you. I have fostered lots of homeless cats over the years! It's fulfilling.
 
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