Towards the end of May I was suffering from lower back pain. I've had on and off back pain almost my entire adult life and after a few days of like walking through it, or sleeping on a hard surface and Advil usually got me through it. However, when the pain did not subside, I went straight to my wife's orthopedist. Two years ago she had terrible pain in her neck that lasted about 3 months. She had been shuffled around from doctors and chiropractors to physical therapist. After 2 epidural injections the pain completely subsided, hasn't had pain since. When I visited the Orthopedist, he followed exactly what Dr. Sarno dictates, an oral steroid, followed by an MRI. The oral steroid helped but after a long car ride, the next morning I noticed pain in my but and leg. Something I never felt before. The MRI results came back with bulged L4-L5 and a small herniation on L5-S1 and a epidural shot was recommended immediately. First shot, I felt great, pain almost totally subsided and I was encouraged to "reduce all activity" so not increase the tear. Few days later pain came back by the end of the second week I was in so much pain on an out of town work trip I could not get out of bed. I was really really frightened and thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. A day later I had my second Epidural and the pain minimized but was still present. After the first week of the second shot, a colleague saw me limping and we began to chat. He is a former TMS sufferer. He told me about Sarno's book and I downloaded it on my iPad a few days later. Immediately I identified with his diagnosis. I have a perfectionist tendencies, easily angered, short and impatient with people, and constantly anxious about just about everything. After reading I thought, yup this is it, and in fact I've had this before without even knowing it except it came in different forms. I totally accept his diagnosis but I have this hindering feeling of doubt that if this doesn't work I'll just get surgery. I've had a pretty comfortable life and most would consider any of the issues I had with my upbringing as "first world" problems but I've had my fair share of devastating experiences. When reading his books my other fear of this is that I have rehash all those issues. I have rage against my parents and the choices they made but I feel like there are so many incidents that like how will I which one it is. I was never abused or anything like that, they just made shitty selfish decisions. I am determined to kick this thing and will do literally everything in my power to beat it. I refused the 3rd shot from my orthopedist, I rejected his recommendation to meet with a surgeon. I am by nature a very process and structured oriented person so I'm working through what my routine can be like. My biggest challenges are waking up in the morning. Mornings are the worst. I have to spend like 15 mins just sitting at the edge of bed convincing myself the pain is only a few minutes, it will end, and its harmless and just TMS. The pain drains me though and causes doubt. If I didn't have TMS I would just spend an extra hour in bed with my wife and my always visiting two year old daughter sleeping at my feet.