Day 1

Started Schecters program today. 2 days ahead of schedule. Shame issues came up today which go back to some of my first memories of covering or wanting to cover my face when someone took my picture. Hated that camera pointing at me. I didn't want anyone to look straight at me or single me out in anyway, even before school age. No memories about why. Many memories of why starting about 3/4th grade. I was too skinny, I had a moustache, my dad drank, our house was ugly. My 2 front teeth were broken where I had fallen on them. Lots of shame and embarrassment throughout entire childhood, got pregnant at 15, quit school & got married at 16.
Also started re-eading Sarno Mind body Prescription today. First chapter. Awesome. Schechter assignment. So much you forget the first time around. Perfect read for me.

 

Hi, TeeJay. My first dog, a big black Lab, would run and hide in the dog house in the back yard when I pointed my camera at her. She was such a good girl, had nothing to be ashamed of, and looked beautiful. I bet you are the same. Dr. Schecter's program is wonderful. Good luck healing with it.

A Happy and Healthy New Year to you!

 

Walt, thank you so much. I am so happy to see your reply. I am having a really bad day. My 2 year old dog has 2 bad knees which have recently gotten worse, it is cold, snowy here and my mom is bedridden in a nursing home, and I feel so responsible and worry about them both. Your kind words were good medicine. Thanks again. Blessings and Happy New Years Eve.

 

Hi TeeJay,
Good luck in your SEP work. Nice to have you on board.
Andy B.

 

Thanks Andy!!
Okay, day 2 of Schecter program, & read chapter 2 Sarno MB prescription. I take medicine for depression and really got from Sarno that my longstanding depression and anxiety as a kid were the first symptoms of my repressed emotions, at 20, it switched to an eating disorder, then back to depression. The antidepressants help the depression, then at 39, I developed severe chronic pain. I get it and it scares me. I wonder if I will eventually have to go off antidepressants to really heal. It really frightens me. I am really afraid of going down so low where I have been before. I feel very sad and scared and now the pain is screaming at me all over. Asking myself how I feel emotionally and it is terrified of going down that dark hole again to get well. Feeling these feelings is making the pain worse.

 

Hi TeeJay,
I observe that you have suffered a lot with depression and anxiety, and that you found relief with anti-depressants. Further, you are now fearful that you'll have to "get off what has helped me" to get rid of the pain,

and, worse:

"That I'll have to feel all those horrible things in the dark hole."

These are fears right now. Fears about the future. I would suggest that you don't really know if you'll have to get off the anti-depressants or if your exploration of your feelings down deep will bring you more suffering. But right now, the fear is real. That is the thing that you're aware of and has your attention.

The way to work with fear is to see it, and not quite believe it. This is where mindfulness helps, because you don't need to believe everything you experience, fully. You can witness it.

Further, I would recommend you take up some practices to reduce anxiety, if you have not already. They really work, and the antidote is all inside you. It is nice to realize there are ways of regulating your nervous system, and that you can access them when you need them. You just have to remember to use them, which is its own challenge!

Here is one link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/27/calming-techniques-stress-anxiety_n_2736457.html

Your journey with learning about yourself and TMS is just beginning. You don't know how gentle or satisfying some of the learning may be. It is natural to be afraid, and that fear is asking for a certain attention.

Andy B.

 

Thank you Andy, but I thought we were suppose to acknowledge, then feel the feelings?

 

Hi TeeJay,
Can you ask me this question again? I did not understand to what it referred to in what I said.

Thank you.

Andy B.

 

It's okay. I figured it out yesterday. Your reply was very helpful..