Day 1

[KatheC]

Here I Go! I am a 50 yr old married female. I have been suffering from chronic back, arm, shoulder and neck pain for about five years now. Just in last year it has traveled to sciatic area with leg weakness. I play tennis and in February 2015 it was finally graining on me that I got an XRay and started PT. I have gone to Chiropractor on and off for over 25 years for nausia and back aches. I decided to take a break from tennis to let me heal. Bad idea. I have felt worse since I started the PT and stopped tennis. Now my leg goes numbish along with pain in my butt. Sitting at my desk at work has been awful and more painful since PT. I have done chiro, acupuncure, accupressure, kinesio tape, tens machine, traction, massage, and eight months PT. All felt okay during treatments, but pain resumed afterwards.

Last month I was sure something was wrong that XRay didn't show, so got an MRI. Ortho doctor says all is good and doesn't see any reason for my symptoms. "Your back actually looks pretty good, no guess why you are in such pain." he says. I left so frustrated and more stressed out. I got on internet for natural inflamation cures; tumeric, celadrin, MSM as tylenol and ibuprofen don't help. I have been taking tumeric, celadrin, MSM with no change over last month.

Then I did internet search for back pain cures. I came across a youtube video on a guy talking about TMS. Wow, his story was amazing, he was better with no meds. I watched John Stossel's 20/20 story. I ordered Healing Back Pain immediately from library and researched this website. I have been researching about two weeks and 80% done with book. Watched numerous success videos on youtube and think this is what is going on with me. I decided today, I am beginning the journaling and tackling this sydrome. Over the last week, I have already seen a difference in the pain sitting at my desk. I know there is nothing structurally wrong with me. I know I supress feelings of anger.

My fingers are crossed that I can beat this and start feeling better again. I already signed up with my tennis team to start playing again in January, so very excited to start my new life pain free! Please wish me luck.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Dear KatheC,

I am wishing you the greatest Luck and Skill in using Dr. Sarno's work.

Welcome to the Wiki and Forum. We've all had a similar experience to yours, so we understand. I am happy you started the SEP, and that you have recently found some relief. This relief will no doubt deepen, until you can resume all activities.

Best to You,

Andy B.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, KatheC. You did all the right things getting medical checkups and tests and came up clean, with no structural problems. That means your symptoms are from your emotions, which is what TMS is. the SEProgram is wonderful and I found the best part to be journaling. I learned that I had been repressing anger and other emotions since my parents divorced when I was seven. Journaling led me to understand them better and to forgive them. Forgiving ended my back pain.

Here is a post by someone who healed 95 percent after the SEProgram, and he posted a few days later that he was 100 pain-free.
Kevin healed 95 % from SEP

Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely readHealing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with aTMS doctorbecause it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

 

[KatheC]

Day 3.

Thank you Walt and Andy for the upbeat comments. I started journaling two days ago and (this may be a strange comment), but I a had the sensation while typing that some tension was releasing from my lower back. The pain wasn't gone, but it was less. I do agree that pinned up anger and rage can build up inside our bodies.

I am having a hard time not cracking my neck and back. I feel a build up of pressure and normally I twist my neck and back and allow them to pop and the pressure is relieved (pain, however, doesn't go away). I am trying not to crack them, but it is a hard habit to break. As pain comes on, I try to look deep inside of what anger/rage I have that may be causing the pain and then focus my thoughts on other issues. The pain seems to lessen without me giving it the attention it demanded before.

I have watched numerous success stories, and wonder if the journaling notes should be kept. The last two days I have typed my journal notes on my laptop and then deleted them. I don't want anyone to get ahold of my thoughts, and decided I would just vent it all out and then delete it. Did you keep your notes and find any reason to go back and look at them?

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi KatheC,
I think you should throw journaling away, if their existence bothers you. The main point is to explore and have support to go deeper, which writing does.

I am happy about your progress in noticing that tension seems to release while typing your explorations. That is great news.

I think you are on the right track to not crack your back and neck, if it is a habitual response to pain. You are telling your body-mind that this is not so important to you, which takes the emphasis off the physical.

Andy B.

 

[KatheC]

Day 5. Happy New Years 2016!

Thank you Andy for the guidance. Today I am on vacation at the beach. This afternoon I walked the beach and my sciatic pain kicked into gear. No fun. I pushed myself to walk even further and ignored it, it did subside a bit. A month ago I was here walking same beach and I gave into the pain and stopped walking to ease the pain. I won't allow this TMS to stop me! 2016 is my year to be pain free!

I also purchased the book Great Pain Deception and learning more on what causes tension. I am finding the popping and twisting of my back and neck is quite a hard habit to break, but doing my best to ignore and think about other things.