Week 0 Day 1

I spent a few months on week 0 and I expect to continue day after day.
I am not sure I will have the persistence or will to do it. Today I am focused on my liver which shows some levels slightly higher than normal just for taking Pregabaline for two months 75 mgs a day.
I am cutting Tryptanol also , I started on Thursday and I am very anxious about it. The moment I feel a sour taste in my mouth I want to check it in the mirror. I am too focused on it, but I can´t avoid it today.
I know I can be pain free, I know it.
Yesterday was my birthday, and I had a nice day working with my son at his school to raise money for a study trip. I stood at the buffet selling coffee and cakes for 4 hours, unbelievable for me just a couple of months ago. At a moment, a thought crossed my mind "I have no pain, Do you notice there is no pain in your arms and neck?" And I had to write it down, I think it was a sign that there is another line of thought next to the one that checks my symptoms several times a day. And I am grateful it happened.
Another incident like that happened and I posted it as a reply, I was very frustrated and angry at myself for doing a Feldenkrais class and being a bit dizzy afterwards. I journaled about it but couldn´t get it away, and I don´t want to discuss any of this with my son, he is just 16 and I am a single mother. But, when he asked me what was wrong, I just said "I am upset" and a while later I realized my pain was just gone!!!! Where did it go? How did it go away? I rely on these two incidents as evidence.
Thank you all

 

Hi, Fabi. Your incidents of being without pain, or even very little, is wonderful and proof that your symptoms are from TMS emotions and are not structural. You need a boost of confidence in TMS and the SEP, so I am posting here the success story of one of the TMS community.

Kevin healed 95 % from SEP

Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely readHealing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with aTMS doctorbecause it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

 

Hi Fabi -

I also can see that you are making changes in your life and they are positive!

The only thing which strikes me is that I wonder if there is a way that you can share any of this with your son? If he is perceptive and concerned enough to be able to ask you what's wrong, doesn't he deserve to know what you are struggling with, but also the new hope you have found on learning about TMS?

We say that TMS is "inherited" - not genetically, but because as children we pick up emotional cues from our parents. As parents, we can't help but transfer our emotional conditions to our children. So it would benefit him to learn about TMS early on, AND to see how your TMS journey is helping you.

On the other hand, I can see the problem if your son discovered this forum - I completely understand you would not want him to read your posts! But, you know, he's 16 - he's probably pretty busy with his own activities

Perhaps you can at least give him one of the books by Dr. Sarno, and discuss the concepts with him. It would be a very loving gift - both for his own knowledge, but mostly a gift of your trust.

~Jan

 

Walt, thank you for sharing Kevin´s story.
I have read the two books I could find in Spanish and I am getting rid of medication. My concern today is to get my anxiety level low enough to let me sleep, because when I don´t sleep well my symptoms come back, not immediately, but I feel really bad.
I am not yet confident enough to stop all therapies. I still visit my ostheopath once a month, due to my orofacial pain, which is not present most of the days, but I fear it will. I want to get rid of tryptanol, I started taking half a dose of 25mg a week ago, and I am ok!
I will visit my doctor today since my lab on my liver levels is not ok, but it is not as bad as it was in April, but I am very much concerned about anything that goes down my throat, being pills or food. So I am paying a little too much attention, and I hope I can relax very soon with that.

 

Jan, I have thought about sharing openly with my son, and he is as you say perceptive and concerned. He is also a perfectionist, and we have talked about that. We are both very mental, rationalizing everything, but he is also very compassionate, something I am not to myself.
I have the books in my book shelf, and we discuss many things regarding healthy habits, but he has the "Doctor scientific show me the proof" mind. In fact, being so young, he already says he wants to be a doctor, specifically a surgeon. So, I think that if I can share something with him, it will be if I am confident I will not be too emotional on that. I have shared with him episodes of my life which involve my family which hurt me a lot in the past, and I have done it so that he can understand my behavior towards my parents. He is aware something of a psychological issue is going on, but we haven´t talked it openly. I have told me what makes me angry and sad.
I will certainly think about showing him all the information I have on Dr Sarno, I am not afraid he will read my posts, but I know he is curious about my journal,the notebook I usually take to bed to write my thoughts, but I can´t hide everything to him, and although I am careful with it, I plan to be very open the minute he asks again. Thank you for your concern, you know, we live in Latin America, noone around me talks about TMS. I have had to struggle to get copies of the books, so you are the only people I can discuss this with.

 

Hi, today I felt the need to come back, read what I wrote and what others responded and add what´s new.
What´s new is that almost all the latest symptoms I had, pain in my neck and shoulders, orofacial pain, sensation of bubbles in the back of my head when I moved, seemed to have gone....
But, and here is what´s interesting something that had bothered me appeared, irritable bowel syndrome.
Let me explain, a few years ago, when the pain started I also developed the irritable bowel syndrome, I went to a doctor who practiced a couple of tests, told me I was fine but what I had was something shared with many people. So far it was the first news I had on it.
After a couple of years of medication, the syndrome just went away, and I mean it. I even started eating all the green leafs I couldn´t eat before, all the seeds, etc.
Then came in the pain.
Now what is interesting is that a few weeks ago, and I think I mentioned it in a previous post, I was feeling very frustrated and anger at something that didn´t happen according to my expectations. And, instead of rumiating on it, I just expressed it openly, I journaled about it and was frank with my son also.
The pain had gone in about 3 hours after that.
Then came the bowel syndrome and it took me a couple of weeks to realize it is the same perhaps????
I have never thought about it psychologicaly before, because all my concerns where with the pain and the difficulty getting to fall asleep. But now I am starting to consider, maybe I am holding something in my stomach and the pressure just hurts my bowels.
Does it make any sense? It does to me when I write about it, I am not very sure about how to go on with it, since I know some foods can irritate the bowel more, so today I went into the old chicken and pumpkin diet I was on for those 2 years in the past.
Anybody with a nice story to clarify and encourage me about how to think about this as the same process?
Thank you all in advance!

 

You might find it helpful to read this Ask-A-TMS-Therapist question and answer from Dr. Clarke, a TMS physician who specializes in GI problems. A link to his website is included in his answer. IBS is a common TMS symptom. I used to have it, but don't any longer.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/help-with-ibs-and-bloating.8379/

 

Thank you Ellen! I really found I could relate my IBS to what was described there. So, as I see it the pain moved to the head,neck to the belly. I can´t but ask myself Which one do I prefer? I feel very sarcastic at the moment and I know it is not the right question, it is what my mind is giving me.

 

Fabi, I'm also sensing a tiny bit of humour in there as well, which is absolutely the right reaction to this! If you can laugh at the silliness of your poor primitive brain, that's a beautiful thing.

This is really such good news, because I think it's the proof you need that the IBS is also TMS. Your primitive brain is fighting back against you being able to feel, acknowledge, and accept your true emotions. But if you can love yourself enough, you can give your modern, conscious and positive brain permission to stand firm and move forward.

It actually sounds like you're making progress!

 

Thank you Jan! I need a reminder of that almost every moment of the day!

 

Hi, Fabi. There are dozens of wonderful quotes on self-esteem from many famous people...
do a Google search for "self-esteem." Judging from the quotes, you are definitely not alone in needing an ego boost.