1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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Day 1 Yay!!!

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Brandon J, Jul 3, 2016.

  1. Brandon J

    Brandon J New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I am thrilled to be posting here. After a year battling back pain and enduring the ridiculousness of our health care system I finally feel hopeful. I found Dr Sarno's book a couple of weeks ago and, like all of you, saw myself on every page. This year has been the most stressful of my life not including the back pain. Almost exactly a year ago, my beloved Doberman, my best friend and my constant source of stability and comfort passed away. I was and still am devastated. About two weeks after I lost her I woke up to excruciating back pain and could not stand or walk. I thought I had dealt with the loss, but I am coming to find that I am very much still angry and sad. Also uncovering a slew of other emotional issues. So many it's hard to pick one to concentrate on. I knew I had anxiety, I have been on antidepressants and Xanax for years, but I had no idea that my mind was stockpiling emotions until the last couple of weeks.

    As I was reading Healing Back Pain, my pain got a little better. But in the last few days my pain has flared up. I'm at about an 7/10 right now. Just telling myself that the pain will not control me and that it will go away.

    I still feel doubt, though intellectually I believe that TMS is at play, I still can't help but wonder about my two herniated discs and I am incredibly afraid that I will make the pain worse. All things to work through. I'm so happy to have found the SEP, I was disappointed that I wasn't cured by reading the book. But now understand after reading through the forums that this will be a process.

    Thank you so much for reading my post. I feel so grateful to have a community of people who can relate. I don't feel so alone in my pain.

    Here's to Day One!
    Ines and JanAtheCPA like this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Brandon. I am truly sorry for your pain, and believe it does come from anger and sadness over the death of your dog. I am a huge lover of dogs and know what losing them is like. It is heartbreaking and more. I have had three black lab mixes, the first two dying after 16 years. I now am with my third, Annie, a black English lab, and she is 14 and failing. She has trouble walking, seeing, and smelling, and does her wet and poop in the house, but I clean up after her. She's lying beside me on the floor in my small office at home. I dread the day she passes, so I am appreciating her every day I have her.

    My way of dealing with losing my dogs has been to cry my heart out. Then get another dog, a puppy, from an animal shelter. A dog that needs a new home and a loving master. I don't forget the dog that died, I tell myself my past two dogs are living in my present dog. I don't make the new dog earn my love... I know it gives that to me unconditionally.

    A new dog, whether a puppy or older dog, will help relieve your pain by lifting you out of anger and sadness. Pour all the love you had from the dog who passed and put it into the new dog. I am confident this will heal your physical pain.

    The SEProgram asks you to journal about emotions that cause pain. Maybe journal telling your dog that you loved her/him and believe you will be reunited in a new dog. Believe that God is taking good care of your friend and that he/she is in paradise waiting for you.

    Bless you for caring so much about your beloved friend. I'm 86 and my three dogs over the years have given me most of the best times I've ever had.
  3. Brandon J

    Brandon J New Member

    Thank you so much Walt. The experience was truly devastating, I miss her every day. I actually did get a new puppy in October, a wonderful White Doberman. Having a puppy has been very stressful, as I also have a rescue dog who literally came off the street (he's about 8 or 9 now) who isn't social with dogs or people and it has been constant work to not let our new girl learn his bad habits. I love them both with all my heart, but it has definitely been a challenge. That with the sadness of losing my girl last year who kept our house in balance, has made for a very stressful year. I've also been at a major crossroads in my career and dealing with money issues. So needless to say my dog's passing was the start of the most stressful year of my life. The TMS diagnoses clicked with me right away, as my personality (the TMS personality) wants control over everything and for a year my life has felt completely out of my control. I'm so grateful to have found this forum and the SEP because I feel like I have a little bit of control back in my hands.

    I will definitely be journaling about my baby. I spent weeks crying after she passed, but at some point I think I buttoned it up. I have cried since then, but I don't think I've come close to the daily release I really need.

    I'm so glad you have a four legged companion as well. They really are beautiful creatures. And though we only get to live with them for a while, I think they stay with us forever. I was always amazed on walks with my girl that butterflies would fly right up to her nose, almost like a fairytale princess. I have seen a butterfly almost every day since she left us and I whole heartedly believe it is her telling me that she is still here. 14 is such a long beautiful life. Our girl was only 9 and it was a complete shock. I am so grateful though that I had any time with her at all, she was one of a kind. Give Annie a hug for me and thank you again for such a nice response and your advice.

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