My level of acceptance is at a 70% right now. The pain lodged next to my right shoulder blade and the pain on the sides of my throat are in doubt of the idea that it's all physical. When I moved to america two years ago from Kenya, I was eager to start the college experience here, and after a few months fell into some kind of depression. I was so overwhelmed by the racial issues in America, from learning about the history of slavery and how recent so many laws were passed that I became so afraid and anxious all the time of everyone around me. At the same time I was going through a really difficult break up and the person I cared about most 100% in the world just abandoned me. I had lived abroad before, two years in India, and there was surprised to learn all the disturbing ideas people had of me as an african and as a black person. ISo in december 2014, the pain started, as two knots next to my shoulder blades and behind them. This spread up my neck and shoulders and down as well. It's been a NIGHTMARE. I've done acupuncture, physiotherapy, meditation, but none of it consistently because I think a part of me knew that nothing structurally happened to me- no injury, no nothing. Just a horrible winter and the most alone I've ever felt. I quit carrying handbags, quit carrying backpacks, always ask for a chair to sit when we have to stand, and constantly worry about how this will impact my possible career as an actress/musician. Adding onto this, are race issues and how will I support myself living in new york as an actress with back pains? I want to believe Dr. Sarno but a part of me is terrified. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME? WHAT IF I'M ON WEEK 4 AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED? WHAT DO I DO WHEN THE PAIN IS JUST SO HORRIBLE? Yesterday, or the past couple of days, the pain has relocated to my right shoulder blade and it was so bad today at lunch I actually got mad at my body. 'WHAT ARE YOU REPRESSING? UNREPRESS!' wondering what it could be that I was repressing and why it wasn't showing up. I'm genuinely AFRAID. What if this program doesn't work for me? The X-RAYS and MRIs show scoliosis with mild disk degeneration. I started physiotherapy again recently,so I don't know whether to quit it. Growing up I used to cry every single day until I was about 10 (Until I learned that showing your emotions wasn't okay I guess) Father died at 11- Alcoholic who barely got along with my mother, but I still miss him. Had allergic rhinitis growing up and hyperacidity all through high school. Everytime I am in Kenya my digestive system doesn't work and was told I have irritable bowel syndrome when I was 10. In india had ankle pains from a fracture and spent a while in a cast. First year in america got a sprain, then started having knee pains. Knee pains went away now I have back pain. Just wonderful. I really TRULY want to believe.