Day 1, suffering for almost 10 years

[jammers]

i am hopeful. but the facts are simple: failed back surgery in 2009, major sciatic pain in the right leg. can't sit, stand or walk for prolonged periods. all my doctors abandoned me after 2011 and have been trying to get better ever since. pretty much lost touch with the person I was and now controlled by this terrible pain. it tells me what I can and can't do everyday.

a part of me feels soooo much regret and anger because I put my body through this. I was a healthy 30 year old loving life and never even understood the term sciatica and micro discectomy, etc... this world of back pain was never a part of my life. i can only tell you that I was playing indoor soccer (very much a weekend warrior) fell hard and felt my lower back pop. fast forward and voila surgery was recommended. three different specialist told me the same thing. You require surgery. I remember going into the operating room and thinking I hope this works, had major doubts but never expected to literally be disabled to this degree.

anyway, sometimes you need to hit rock bottom in life to really appreciate a different way of thinking. such was the case when a colleague at work came in my office (as I was lying on the floor, my regular daily routine) and provided me with Dr. Sarno book, Healing Back Pain. I read it 2x and felt small improvements. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I have slowed down and want to be one of these success stories. Day 1 of recovery begins today. Good luck to me......i deserve to get better!!!

 

[JBG1963]

Yes you do! We all do. I'm a back pain sufferer too, among other things. I've read several related books, but am finding this program with real practice (journaling,etc.) to be more helpful. Reading was great to internalize the concepts. Practice makes it real. As you know, you have to believe in the diagnosis. This has taken me a good part of a year, but belief really makes the practice work. Good luck to you on your journey!

 

[jammers]

Thank you for your message. It's great to know that there is hope and nice people like you with words of encouragement. Sending you nothing but positive energy for your complete recovery!

 

[Tennis Tom]

...I've read several related books, but am finding this program with real practice (journaling,etc.) to be more helpful. Reading was great to internalize the concepts. Practice makes it real.
... As you know, you have to believe in the diagnosis.
... This has taken me a good part of a year, but belief really makes the practice work. Good luck to you on your journey!

This IS the key to TMS healing!

 

[georgethee]

After I read my first dr. Sarno book I felt like you a slight improvement. I went to the library and took out all the Dr. Sarno books and read them all. I started the SEP program. Each day I read and did SEP I felt better and better. Days after I saw the movie 'All the Rage' I woke up completly pain free. I cried throughtout the day. I still get tears in my eyes thinking of that moment. What i'm trying to say don't give up hope. All the tools and support is here on this site and in this forum. You will get better!

 

[jammers]

so glad you persevered through it....definitely an emotional ride. day 4 I'm really feeling this nerve/back pain amp up. gotta keep going..

 

[JBG1963]

You are very welcome, @jammers Sending you good vibes too

 

[Rainbowdash]

Welcome to the recovery world @jammers . I too read a lot of books but struggled to implement it. SEP program is working wonders uncovering what's fueling the pain.

I'm on Day 8 today and I had severe flareup on Day 6 but I'm keeping a positive attitude and chugging along. What's helping me is treating the brain, the painful body part and my inner child - all of them as 5yo children and being compassionate.

 

[jammers]

took few steps back with this nerve pain. it was so bad that i could feel my sciatic nerve throbbing right through my surgical scar in my lower back. cant shake this. feeling super down.

attempted to join my girlfriend on Saturday for a trip into the city (something I wouldn't of even contemplated prior to this program) so we could walk around and shop. she was so proud of me. we took a cab and I literally lasted about 30min on my feet. my leg became completely numb with severe sharp pain shooting down from my lower back. had to sit it out in a shoe store to regain myself.

thought to myself, ok this has to be a conditioned responses it will go away? but it didn't. just the fact that I tried made my girlfriend so happy! wish I could see her face light up like that again. spent Sunday limping around the house and took today off from work cus i can't walk. pain to severe.

hopefully I'm better tomorrow.

 

[Arg]

I wish you the best. I am a fully recovered TMS (sciatic pain) sufferer since 2000 (had some minor relapses, none of which incapacitated me again). I could not help but notice how important it was for you to make your girlfriend happy during today's episode, and maybe you should not put that additional pressure on yourself. Be nicer to yourself, try to relax a little bit. Let others comfort you. I would also recommend you that in addition to the program, you may start some kind of psycotherapy that will help you deal more efficiently with your emotions. Hope your pain recedes soon! Best regards.

 

[jammers]

thats so true Arg, i do put pressure on myself. ya, I had a bad episode/flare up, whatever u want to call it but stayed positive. even though it was difficult doing so. my surgery was back in 2009 but often feel like it was yesterday. JBG1963, tennis tom, georgette, and rainbowdash, all said it best.

believe, hope, positive attitude, keep chugging along,

love that.....

 

[Arg]

Hi! Please do not misinterpret my previous comment: I do not believe in "positive thinking" so much when TMS is involved (though it may be very helpful for other problems such as depression, for instance). Quite the opposite, I believe you should try to get to the bottom of your anger. That is why I strongly recommend psycotherapy and trying to avoid pleasing other people while you are in pain. Of course I do not mean you should mistreat people because of your anger, but simply stop putting pressure on yourself to be nice and positive (even with us at the forum). There is nothing positive about anger and still, until you get fully in touch with it, accept it and start laughing at it, pain will be a problem.

 

[plum]

Hi! Please do not misinterpret my previous comment: I do not believe in "positive thinking" so much when TMS is involved (though it may be very helpful for other problems such as depression, for instance). Quite the opposite, I believe you should try to get to the bottom of your anger. That is why I strongly recommend psycotherapy and trying to avoid pleasing other people while you are in pain. Of course I do not mean you should mistreat people because of your anger, but simply stop putting pressure on yourself to be nice and positive (even with us at the forum). There is nothing positive about anger and still, until you get fully in touch with it, accept it and start laughing at it, pain will be a problem.

Your original comment was golden. You've been there and recovered and come here to generously share your wisdom. God Bless You for that.

 

[jammers]

so its Day 25 and I'm supposed to write a forum post on how i'm doing so far, and what apprehensions i may have about treatment or life in general?

this has been an emotionally roller coaster ride to say the least. my progress has been slow but don't have the fear i once had. the sciatic/surgical pain in my right leg still lingers but I'm feeling a warmness in both my legs that is hard to describe. Its not new pain but rather a light warm feeling rushing through my legs from time to time. perhaps, increased blood flow? not sure? very weird but I can say its felt 2 - 3 times per day. for 5 min each time.

Emotionally well....there are a number of personal family issues that have come to light and i struggle with it. especially if it means speaking with the family I haven't seen for over 7 years. long story short, my family is fragmented in many pieces but wonder if its enough to recognize/journal about? or do I have to reach out to them (which would be tremendously difficult).

This family topic is hard, but seeking a therapist is financially costly for me. there is tons of anger, guilt and sadness surrounding this topic for me, but will stick with the program in hopes that it will help ease this emotional baggage and ultimately move on. i find the writing part helps release these strong emotions.

thanks everyone. have a great weekend to all!

 

[Click#7]

so its Day 25 and I'm supposed to write a forum post on how i'm doing so far, and what apprehensions i may have about treatment or life in general?

this has been an emotionally roller coaster ride to say the least. my progress has been slow but don't have the fear i once had. the sciatic/surgical pain in my right leg still lingers but I'm feeling a warmness in both my legs that is hard to describe. Its not new pain but rather a light warm feeling rushing through my legs from time to time. perhaps, increased blood flow? not sure? very weird but I can say its felt 2 - 3 times per day. for 5 min each time.

Emotionally well....there are a number of personal family issues that have come to light and i struggle with it. especially if it means speaking with the family I haven't seen for over 7 years. long story short, my family is fragmented in many pieces but wonder if its enough to recognize/journal about? or do I have to reach out to them (which would be tremendously difficult).

This family topic is hard, but seeking a therapist is financially costly for me. there is tons of anger, guilt and sadness surrounding this topic for me, but will stick with the program in hopes that it will help ease this emotional baggage and ultimately move on. i find the writing part helps release these strong emotions.

thanks everyone. have a great weekend to all!

Family issues are explosive...so maybe some forgiveness in your heart and move on and accept it. I am in the same boat with a family member that is extremely deceitful and ripped our family to shreds over greed. You can't change people but you can change the way you approach this in your heart. It seems like your subconscious is responding to your thoughts. Take care my friend and stick to your program. Do not fear and get out and try enjoying something that makes you happy.

 

[georgethee]

You say emotional rollercoaster and your right. I think for most people life itself is an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes its enough to recognize it, to write it down and move on. First time TMS it took me 14 days. With my ‘new’ TMS issue im well over 25 days but I noticed changes in recovery. I read my old journal and pick up on the family matter and started adding some observations. It helped. Don’t give up, i told my wife to drag me of thr couch even if i protest. Go out do things you wanted to do for a long time, even if its only for a short period. Goodluck and remember your not alone.

 

[Changewillhappen555]

Heya. How a

i am hopeful. but the facts are simple: failed back surgery in 2009, major sciatic pain in the right leg. can't sit, stand or walk for prolonged periods. all my doctors abandoned me after 2011 and have been trying to get better ever since. pretty much lost touch with the person I was and now controlled by this terrible pain. it tells me what I can and can't do everyday.

a part of me feels soooo much regret and anger because I put my body through this. I was a healthy 30 year old loving life and never even understood the term sciatica and micro discectomy, etc... this world of back pain was never a part of my life. i can only tell you that I was playing indoor soccer (very much a weekend warrior) fell hard and felt my lower back pop. fast forward and voila surgery was recommended. three different specialist told me the same thing. You require surgery. I remember going into the operating room and thinking I hope this works, had major doubts but never expected to literally be disabled to this degree.

anyway, sometimes you need to hit rock bottom in life to really appreciate a different way of thinking. such was the case when a colleague at work came in my office (as I was lying on the floor, my regular daily routine) and provided me with Dr. Sarno book, Healing Back Pain. I read it 2x and felt small improvements. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I have slowed down and want to be one of these success stories. Day 1 of recovery begins today. Good luck to me......i deserve to get better!!!

How are you getting on? X

 

[jammers]

I'm doing ok so far....thx for asking changewillhappen555. small improvements. My failed back surgery set me back the last 10 years with this piercing sciatic pain and don't expect a miracle book reading recovery. this is going to take some time as I adjust to thinking mentally and not physically. however not going to put extra stress on myself. we all recover at our own pace. this program is where I want to be. the support is tremendously heartfelt......helps with the tough days!

take care my friend. and thank you for reaching out.

 

[Click#7]

I'm doing ok so far....thx for asking changewillhappen555. small improvements. My failed back surgery set me back the last 10 years with this piercing sciatic pain and don't expect a miracle book reading recovery. this is going to take some time as I adjust to thinking mentally and not physically. however not going to put extra stress on myself. we all recover at our own pace. this program is where I want to be. the support is tremendously heartfelt......helps with the tough days!

take care my friend. and thank you for reaching out.

I think there are 3 things that I've learned that finally sunk in over the past week...you don't have to change your personality; you don't need to figure out the most minute repressed emotion that could be bothering you because just knowing this is the reason for your pain is sometimes enough. And according to Sarno it's ok to use medication when the pain is bad in order to keep moving forward. Otherwise it is extremely difficult to get back into life and normal physical activity. As the pain abates with acceptance so will using pain Rx. Could it be because many of us are so OCD and just not realizing how simple things can be. I listen to Sarno's words that are comforting. Go back to the 12 daily reminders that sums things up.... Just a comment from the peanut gallery.

 

[dede]

i am hopeful. but the facts are simple: failed back surgery in 2009, major sciatic pain in the right leg. can't sit, stand or walk for prolonged periods. all my doctors abandoned me after 2011 and have been trying to get better ever since. pretty much lost touch with the person I was and now controlled by this terrible pain. it tells me what I can and can't do everyday.

a part of me feels soooo much regret and anger because I put my body through this. I was a healthy 30 year old loving life and never even understood the term sciatica and micro discectomy, etc... this world of back pain was never a part of my life. i can only tell you that I was playing indoor soccer (very much a weekend warrior) fell hard and felt my lower back pop. fast forward and voila surgery was recommended. three different specialist told me the same thing. You require surgery. I remember going into the operating room and thinking I hope this works, had major doubts but never expected to literally be disabled to this degree.

anyway, sometimes you need to hit rock bottom in life to really appreciate a different way of thinking. such was the case when a colleague at work came in my office (as I was lying on the floor, my regular daily routine) and provided me with Dr. Sarno book, Healing Back Pain. I read it 2x and felt small improvements. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I have slowed down and want to be one of these success stories. Day 1 of recovery begins today. Good luck to me......i deserve to get better!!!

Hope it is going well for you. I just started today.