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Day 1 Structered Educational Program

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by FreedomFromPain, Mar 31, 2015.

  1. FreedomFromPain

    FreedomFromPain New Member

    In 2009 I was diagnosed with a herniated and bulging disk in my lower back, cervical bone spurs and Fibromyalgia. Since that time I have dealt with chronic pain on a daily basis. I have been through x-rays, MRI's, and tons of medications. I have developed an addiction to pain medication and began Methadone treatment in 2011. I am currently on Suboxone, not for withdrawal so much as for treatment of my pain. I look forward to the day when I no longer have to put chemicals in my body to get through the day. Dr. Sarno's book, The Mindbody Prescription was recommended by a friend and I just began reading it two days ago. Last month I went to Costa Rica with an online transformational leader and dealt with a lot of repressed emotions, basically crying for 7 days straight. The funny thing is that I thought I had dealt with and gotten over all the traumas in my life. Boy was I wrong. After leaving Costa Rica I was pain free for 3 weeks! I have felt that my pain was "trapped" emotional issues for sometime now and have been on a spiritual journey since October, 2014 trying to heal myself. I totally recognize myself in the pages of The Mindbody Prescription. I dealt with childhood abuse and had a mother who was an alcoholic, drug addict and drug dealer. My father was rarely around. My grandmother raised me until the age of 5 when she found out she had colon cancer. She was more like a mother to me than my maternal mother and was the only one who gave me unconditional love. From the age of eight on I carried the responsibility of most all household duties and caring for my baby sister. I left home at 15 to escape the abuse. I have always been a hard-worker and very responsible. I had my first child at 26 years old and since have had two more. I bought my home 14 years ago and have always given my children anything they could want or need. I see now that everything I have done in life has been to prove that I am not my mother and to escape the emotional pain of my childhood. I married in 2009 and my husband unexpectedly passed away at 37 years old in 2012 leaving me alone and pregnant with our son, my third child. I totally accept my pain is TMS. I hope that I can learn to feel my emotions instead of avoid them. When negative things happen I know I should be sad and want to cry, but I can never seem to bring myself to do it. The only emotion I am intimately familiar with is anger. I often scream at my children, get road rage, and take aggression out on inanimate objects. I have known for years that I have anger issues but have never really known what to do about it. I now see that I keep myself busy 24/7 to escape my emotions! Who can feel when they don't have time to think. I am so excited about the possibilities of this program and am so grateful for all of those responsible for creating this free recovery site. I am also grateful for all those that have shared their stories of pain, struggles and healing. Thank each and every one of you!
    Ellen likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, FreedomFromPain. Welcome to the TMSWiki and the SEP.
    You've come to the right place for help.

    I hope you can practice some relaxation techniques so you don't scream at your kids or get road rage.
    Practice deep breathing and use positive mantras that you are feeling good and you are happy.

    Your life has been rough and what Steve Ozanich calls "a perfect storm for TMS."
    Mine was, too, although I wasn't physically abused. My parents fought a lot, over money problems,
    and divorced when I was 7. It left me with feelings of insecurity. I journaled about it and came to
    realize they had their own TMS and understanding them better led to me forgiving them. That ended
    my severe back pain.

    Your parents probably had TMS which caused your mother to drink and use drugs. No wonder your
    father wasn't around much. And losing your husband so early and having three children and
    a fourth one coming sure fills your plate.

    Sure you're angry, and Dr. Sarno says that over the years, anger turns into rage. TMS will help you
    to find was to forgive your parents and others, and to be more patient and loving to your children.
    They need that very much. Try to enjoy them. Play with them, laugh with them.

    The SEP is wonderful. It will lead you to becoming a healthier, happier person than you ever
    thought possible.
  3. FreedomFromPain

    FreedomFromPain New Member

    Hi Walt! Thanks so much for reaching out. Yes, giving my children the life I never had has been my top priority. I remember when my oldest was young I had to force myself to hug him, not because I didn't love him, but because it wasn't something I had ever experienced and so it didn't feel natural. Of course, over time it became natural. I do my best not to yell at them, knowing it can be as damaging as abuse but find myself slipping into patterns of anger occasionally. In reading The Mindbody Prescription Dr. Sarno uses these as examples of signs of repressed anger. I always knew I got way too upset over silly things but never realized, until now, that it was due to past anger stored within me. I began meditation in October and have received wonderful benefits! I would say it has made the biggest difference so far although I still suffer from daily pain.
    Yes, I have often thought about what made my mom the way she was and realizing she suffered her own form of pain, forgave her a long time ago. We have a fairly good relationship now. My mom and dad divorced just after I was born. I feel he was a big part of the reason she became abusive since he physically abused her. They were young. I grew up seeing him maybe once a year, and when I did it was uncomfortable because I didn't really know him.
    It's amazing how much emotional content I still have many years later. Sorry for any confusion in my post, I actually have three children total. I am grateful for the program and all of you. Thanks so much! :)

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