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Day 1: Reflections

Kiara

Kiara

Well known member
I just wanted to introduce myself and explain a bit about my journey with TMS so far. I am twenty three years old, and I am from Australia. I currently study and work part-time, plus doing a bit of art on the side. I have a few websites including an art gallery and a blog:

Online Art Portfolio: http://www.laurenwestcombe.daportfolio.com
Blog: http://www.enterthehaven.com/blog/
Shop: https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/ComeThirsty

I started having some mild pain in the shoulder when I was about seventeen, and by the time I was twenty it had grown to severe upper back and shoulder pain. It got a lot worse when I did some data entry and administration jobs, so I assumed it was due to all the typing and thought I had RSI. I tried going to a physiotherapist, but the stretches didn't really help at all.

The pain eased off eventually, and I decided to study full-time. However, by the end of that year my pain was getting even more severe, and I was taking aspiring on a regular basis. The next year I went back to uni for the first couple of weeks, and I could not sit through a lecture. I started to get really stressed, and decided to see an osteopath recommended by a friend.

The second time after seeing the osteopath, I noticed that I had trouble holding onto the steering wheel while I was driving. I started to have sudden attacks of severe pain and numbness all over my body - arms, hands, legs, feet, torso and even in my head at times. I was scared as I started dropping things and yelling out due to the excruciating, stabbing pain. It felt like electric shocks, which I had never experienced before.

I went to my GP and was really upset about the pain, and she questioned if I was anxious or depressed. I didn't really want to hear that, as I felt she wasn't taking me seriously. In hindsight, I have to give her credit for at least considering a psychological cause! However, she still didn't have a deeper understanding of TMS or the mind-body connection with pain. She suggested a referral to a psychologist, but I explained I had already seen a Christian counsellor and would prefer to go back to her instead.

I ended up being put on several pain medications primarily for the nerve pain, including Lyrica, Endep and Panadol Osteo. I was also referred to a sports medicine specialist, who referred me on to a different physiotherapist. The stretches from the specialist and the physio seemed to help - especially for my back and shoulder ache - but they did nothing for the nerve pain. The specialist gave me a physical explanation for the pain, but it didn't really make sense to me and I found it hard to believe him.

I first started learning about TMS and Dr Sarno's work last year, and I ordered two books including 'Mind Over Back Pain' by Dr Sarno and 'They Can't Find Anything Wrong: 7 Keys to Understanding, Healing and Treating Stress Illness' by David Clarke. I could identify a great deal with the stories in the books, and they gave me fresh hope. I also ordered the MindBody Workbook by David Schechter and did the exercises, but I didn't get better quickly as I had expected.

I became a bit discouraged, and gave up on the idea of TMS. However, this year I took a renewed interest in it, and started doing a bit of research on the internet. I wanted to fully recover, as even though I was "getting by" on the pain meds and exercise, it wasn't solving the problem. It was just enabling me to survive and manage the pain. I also went to a friend's church, where the minister talked about how emotional or spiritual issues can cause health problems - and shared a couple of stories where people were healed from dealing with anger or feelings of self-loathing.

It surprised me as I had just been searching on Google about TMS that week, then my thoughts were confirmed by the stories at the church service. Since then I've been watching a lot more YouTube videos about TMS, bought the book 'Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain' by Fred Amir, journalling and working on expressing my emotions, finding inner healing and resolving childhood hurts. This time I've decided to persevere with the TMS treatment programme, as I strongly believe this is the answer to my chronic pain problem.

Since I have started to deal with the TMS again and journal more, I've noticed the pain start moving around and changing. I have also experienced the "symptom imperative" and have developed a mild version of chronic fatigue, as well as periodic depressed mood. I realised that my pain has been providing a distraction from my problems and struggles, and my mind has been trying to do me a favour after all.

At the moment the most frustrating thing is the fatigue, which is making it a lot harder to work, focus and do the things I normally enjoy. I've read some scientific research which demonstrates a strong correlation between childhood trauma and chronic fatigue, which just confirmed the TMS diagnosis. I'm really looking forward to getting completely free, but I must admit what I want most is to experience full healing mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I know I'm going to get better… it's just a matter of time!
 
Hello, Laudisco. I'm glad you've started the SEP because it is a very good way to learn how to heal from TMS. Your post tells a lot about your symptoms and they sure sound like they are from TMS which could be repressed emotions, often going back to childhood, and/or a perfectionist or "goodist" personality, someone who wants to be liked by everyone all the time. We who have recovered from pains through TMS practice share those traits.

Welcome to this community of those who have TMS and those who have been healed through TMS.

I'd like you to take a look at a video that another member of this TMS community posted recently. Herbie does a real good job of explaining who gets TMS and why they get it and can heal from it.

http://tmswiki.org/forum/threads/what-to-know-to-heal-from-pain-pt-1.5482/

Herbie also wrote an extended version of Dr. Sarno's 12 steps to healing TMS which are very helpful.

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

  1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but its caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does cause real pain too.
  2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or in anxiety then the the blood is restricted from going to your lower back for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain - remember, where theirs no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, The pain stays because of fear and focus to physical organic symptoms and repressions.
  3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from tms healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
  4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. Tmsers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits,traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks its helping you.
  5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you wont have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed cause you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
  6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear then I feed the pain, If I fear Its impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
  7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless.If I want to work against the pain I could but its better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I=t have to be in pain trying to heal cause facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them then I can heal.
  8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my bodies ability to heal now. I can move how I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
  9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how its hidden -- its illusion, Its fear.
  10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face everyone of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present, in flow.
  11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
  12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling. The science behind mind-body/tms healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of tms. Tms will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off psychical symptoms and on emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore thus making the tms of no effect. This will in return, give us the cure.
 
Hi Walt,

Thank you so much for sharing that! It's really encouraging and helpful to have someone else confirm the TMS diagnosis, because I don't know anyone in real life who fully understands it.

I also watched the video which was really good - I think I needed the encouragement to have fun! I've taken a couple of weeks off work due to the extreme fatigue, and I've been thinking of going away for a holiday. I wasn't sure because I thought to myself, "What if I feel too tired to do much?" But now I realise that I don't need to let that hold me back, and I'll be fine. :)

The detailed version of the 12 Daily Reminders was helpful - I have actually written my own version of it, which is targeted to my own pain/fatigue symptoms. I've also been trying to watch Forrest's video of the 12 Daily Reminders on YouTube frequently to settle it in my mind.

Kind regards,
Lauren
 
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