Day 1 - Peter

Hi Everyone,

My name is Peter and here is my story. I was a very active kid growing up and excelled at many sports but running was my best. I was achieving mile times in hte low 4 minutes in high school and was very competitive about it. When i went to college i started having a lot of doubt in myself and thought that i was too skinny and weak. I thought if i got bigger and stronger girls would like me more so i went about a lifting regimine to become a body builder. It was going great until one day i was deadlifting and felt a twinge in my back, right in the middle of my spine. That sent me on a 5 year tailspin of back pain which mysteriously went away one day on its on.

2 years later i was back to lifting again and started getting some slight tendonitis in my knees but nothing of concern, it got to the point where it was so bad i couldn't even walk. I went to about 10 different doctors and tried any kind of PT imaginable. Then about a year later i started to get pain in my elbows where the ulner nerve is and my hands would tingle. Then it moved to my wrists and became carpel tunnel and then it move to my achilles as well. I am 28 years old and thought i was dying and my life was over. Eventually i didn't know what to do and in my google searches came across sarno. I read his book and it didnt help but i believed in it, after working with a therapist trained in mind body disorders i was able to get rid of all my pain and start working out normally again, it was a major success!

About 2 years later i was back to woking out again and one day went to squat heavy and felt some pain in my lower back which wasnt unusual. The problem is this time it wouldnt go away. I didnt care and wasnt worried because i knew it was a mind body thing and ignored it and continued to workout. Every time i worked out it got worse and worse and eventually got to the point over 2 months where I couldnt even lay in bed. Eventually i decided to see a back specialist, they told me i had a herniated disc, a massive one pressing up again my L1 nerve and recommended a microdisectomy. I had it done and immediately i was cured! Life was great again except for about 2 week later the pain came back during a coughing fit. It was no where near to as bad as it was the first time but still hurt.

At this point i didnt know what to do my pain was much better but wasnt perfect, i met with my surgeon again and we decided to do another microdisectomy. The MRI showed a small hernation at the same level so decided it was worth going in and cleaning out. As soon as the surgery was over I didnt feel better at all and felt the same. I was disappointed but at least i didnt get worse. Then 2 weeks later all the pain started coming back and worse than ever. It came back and i was crying it hurt so much. Pain down both legs, inability to sit or stand it was horrible. I didnt know what to do so i went and met iwth the surgeon, he said give it time or get a fusion (im 32) I tried doing PT but everytime it made it worse. I insisted on another MRI and got one because i was also having burning pain down the front of my legs as well which made absolutely no sense because my herniated disc was at a different level. The new MRI showed barely any herniation and they didnt know why i was in pain. I met with surgeons, neurologist, everyone and they said i shouldnt be having symptoms.

I sat on this info for about 6 months and then decided i should do something. At this point my pain was progressing and there was nothing else for me to do. I have committed myself to believing this is TMS and one of those situations where the brain is trying to outsmart me but i wont let it. Hopefully this all made sense!

 

I'm glad you're here and glad you shared your story. It is so helpful to me to hear about other peoples situation and to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this nonsense!

I think that the hardest part of my battle with TMS is that, like you, I've faced it in the past and successfully taken it DOWN! But here I am again....I sometimes feel helpless like will I be doomed to have TMS flareups for the rest of my life?
Will I ever be emotionally healthy enough to put this behind me forever?
I know the diagnosis is true and I know the process works, but the moment to moment can be tough!
Hang in there!!!
All my best,
srton