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Day 1 Day 1 - Pain on the right side of my body

P

Plz568

Peer Supporter
Hi, I have been working on my TMS for about 3 weeks but decided to participate in the forum because I want to be guided. I am a 51 year old female, mom of two boys, wife of a wonderful husband. I've been teaching yoga part time for 10 years.

My hip pain started in May when I was thinking about my parents coming to visit. My husband and I were doing house projects that needed to be done - preparations for visitors. I have to say my parents cause me so much stress. I had a very dysfunctional childhood/young adulthood. We were "the perfect" family from the outside, but there was abuse (physical, emotional, verbal) by both my parents especially my dad. I was the middle child and never fit in, never wanted to. I could not speak up and had to follow the directions of my parents expectations - activities, friends, even where I had to go to college. They took care of our physical needs but there was absolutely no emotional connection. Each and every time I see my dad he repeats the same thing, "your mom wanted kids, I didn't - kids are a pain in the ass." Anyway, I finally moved away after meeting my husband. I was in therapy for 10 years prior and had a successful HR career but when we met, we wanted to move and build a new life.

Whenever I see my parents it is 3 months of anxiety before, suffering during, and venting and decompressing after. This year is the year when I have felt pain in my body that now will not release.

I don't want a relationship with my parents but I cannot completely erase them from my life. I am not sure why - it would hurt them so much. They are unable to identify with how completely unsupportive they are. I have tried numerous times to explain - they get mad and say I am too sensitive, blow things out of proportion or I cannot take a joke.

My childhood was tumultuous and it affects certain things - I am a perfectionist, people pleaser, do gooder, worry what everyone thinks. I work on it everyday.

Additionally, I have a son with special needs. He is 12 and I hate to even bring this up because he brings so much love into our lives. He is not independent, needs help with daily tasks, has a severe speech problem so it is had to understand him, and he does not "fall in" with all the other kids his age. We love and accept him, but our lives are not like others in that their kids grow up and become more independent. Our son cannot stay home alone, and luckily our in laws are in town and help so much. They are we are our son's primary caretakers.

Since I started my TMS study, my pain is now in my hip and up to my shoulder. It is like the right side of my body. I stretch and breathe and try to associate the pain with emotions and repressed emotions. I have had 3 really deep cries in the last 3 weeks. One each week, it comes out of nowhere and is so tiring I am worn out for the day.
 
Welcome to the Forum! Really great post. You're already tuned into the issues that are triggering your TMS. I, too, had pain that was mostly on the right side, but it is all gone now. Just keep at the SEP and you can be pain-free too.

Best wishes........
 
I think in the past, what I would do when I felt pain, was to pour a glass of wine (or two). I am not an alcoholic, but use wine to suppress certain feelings, escape my fears, numb my thoughts. At the beginning of the summer I decided to live life without that coping mechanism. And, interesting that I do not have it, I get pain in my body. I want to have a life without TMS, to be free to have fears but let them go. I try and protect myself without even realizing it.
 
Thanks Ellen! That is encouraging. I feel my impatience with the pain - cause I read all the books, accepted that it is TMS and had some deep emotional releases, then it is time for the pain to go away.......I guess it does not work that way!!! I will keep at it. Namaste!
 
Hi, Plz. Your post indicates to me that you know what your emotional stresses are, which is a big step toward TMKS healing. You have grievances against your parents that are justified, but I suggest that somehow you try to forgive them. I had those feelings against my parents and by putting myself in their shoes I realized they had their own TMS pains, and I was able to forgive them. I believe it was the main thing that healed my severe back pain.

Also I hope you can work on modifying your perfectionism and people-pleasing. Try not to expect so much of yourself, and
try not to knock yourself out for others.

There's nothing wrong with having a glass or two of wine, preferably red. Then put the cork on the bottle.

A good cry is therapeutic. So is laughing.
 
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Thank you Walt - forgiving my parents is a tall order. I will keep working on that. Forgiveness soothes the soul, I know that logically. And, thank you, laughing is just as important!
 
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