Day 1 - New here

[linapina]

Write a short post about where you are right now in your treatment, the level of acceptance you have of the TMS diagnosis, and of any doubts or worries you may have at this point.

Hi everybody,
Maybe not so short; I have read dr Sarno’s book a few days ago and I felt hope for the first time in ages! I laughed out aloud at times when I read it. It was like reading about myself.

I am still not fully convinced that I ’just’ have TMS instead of fibromyalgia, structural back pain (MRI says two herniated discs and some tightness around a nerve), (severe) structural foot pain (due to arthritis, fallen arches, possibly Morton’s neuroma and lack of fat padding). I also have neck and shoulder pain coming and going and trouble sleeping a whole night due to waking up with pain mainly in my back but also neck and shoulders and hips/sides.
I am exhausted most of the time, I am always freezing, have bad circulation especially in feet and legs, I suffer from sound sensitivity and get extremely irritated with loud people or disturbing noise (which can be other people’s music, car traffic, air plane traffic, constructing noise etc)
I am also low in mood (I don’t want to say depressed) but I would like to say that anyone would be with my life situation! which is miserable with no job and no income, no life partner after a bad break up, very few friends left (people don’t like to hang around with a tired, pessimistic person with pain, depressed thoughts and no money for some reason, haha)

I have been in this situation more or less for the last 15 years after breaking down at my job one day and being sent home to ’rest’. I see no way out of it.
I have always believed though that it had to do somehow with feelings and psychological stuff. Have seeked help endlessly. Gave up finally and realized I can only solve this myself. Only - how?
I am in counseling therapy now thanks to church (as I have no money) And I am going to PT pool training, mostly for the warm water which makes me feel good. I don’t want to give that up but in March I have to anyway because they are closing the pool for good.

So I will start with the SEP program. So, there’s my first post on my road to (hopefully!) recovery.
Lina

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Lina. I'm really sorry you are in pain and also can't sleep well. The two often go together.
Your medical checkup results also are typical. From reading Dr. Sarno you know he says those
structural results often are not causing your pain and that they are from TMS, repressed emotions
and a perfectionist-goodist personality.

I'm glad you started the SEP because it has helped a lot of people, me included I had severe back pain
but when I believed 100 percent that it was caused by TMS, it went away. Your pains will go away, too.

If you lost some friends, don't worry, they weren't there for you when true friends should be.

For better sleep, I like a cup of hot milk and relaxing at least an hour before bedtime.
I like watching Youtube videos on relaxation for sleep.

You've had some personal experiences that most likely cause your pain.
It would help you a lot if you journaled about them. They then come to the surface
and you understand yourself and others better. In my case this led to me forgiving my
parents and older brother for causing me anxieties when I was a boy. I came to realize
they had their own TMS pain from their repressed emotions.

So work each day on the SEP exercises, but try not to think about your symptoms or even
about TMS for more than an hour a day. Find ways to be positive and happy.
Watch funny tv and movies. Laughing can relieve a lot of pain.

Welcome to this web site. You will find many of the posts helpful and encouraging.
You're now part of a very caring community.

 

[linapina]

Thank you Walt!
I will start my journaling tomorrow. I find it quite difficult to write about this stuff and tend to put it off (procrastination ;-)) I started writing my 'history' today and ended up so exhausted that I had to stop and do other things. It was quite a sad, rambling-on story and I felt so sad reading it.

I always fall asleep fine, it's the waking up in the early morning, or too early for my taste anyway, that bothers me. And it's hard not to worry about the pain when you wake up at four in the morning exhausted but unable to go back to sleep. I do have better periods though and I'm happy for them.
I'm glad I found this forum and the program. I think I have a lot of sadness and anger hidden under my pain and other symptoms so I hope I can get it up to the surface and deal with it. If not work through it all at least acknowledge that it is there. I found hope in dr Sarno's book that you don't even have to resolve your problems to get rid of the pain but I do hope I will both get rid of my worst pains and work through some of my more immediate issues.
About laughing, I must say that my sense of humour and being able to laugh even during the worst times is something of a gift. I love watching TV and reading books and find great comfort in both. Singing in a choir is also a great way to feel better. I rarely listen to music (due to my irritability of 'noise') but singing is something else. It's pure joy and a lot of good happens in the body too.
The success stories are very important to me so I think this forum will be a goldmine.
Thanks for the welcome and hope to hear more from you.

 

[Dahlia]

Welcome, Lina! I encourage you to keep putting "one foot in front of the other" and make your way through the SEP program.

I understand how difficult it can be to release the belief that the bulging discs and pressed nerves are the cause of the pain. I've got MRI's that make the doctors exclaim loudly how "awful" my back is. (Even after 4 surgeries....wish I hadn't!) I listen to the rant and then I say, But you know I've been doing well and feeling good!

I've had many of the other symptoms you're experiencing as well and I suggest you allow for the possibility that they will change or even disappear in the near future now. Watch as you work your way through the SEP and see if the symptoms don't start moving around and changing....which will be some evidence that it is not a structural cause.

If the deep emotional work seems too intense to tackle alone, reach out to some of the professional therapists available on this site and get advice on how to find professional assistance in working your way through.

Be gentle, kind and loving to yourself.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, everyone. Dahlia's suggestion is great, to write to the therapists for their advice.
Linapina, you probably are pushing yourself too hard in thinking about emotional stresses of the past and present.
Try not to spend more than an hour a day on that. Enjoy yourself the rest of each day. Choir singing sounds wonderful.

Maybe spend some time each day just feeling positive that you found this web site for TMS healing.
You are now part of a wonderful community of people who are on the same journey, even those who have healed.
TMS is an ongoing thing... every day brings new or old reasons for working on our psychological emotions.

 

[yb44]

I started writing my 'history' today and ended up so exhausted that I had to stop and do other things. It was quite a sad, rambling-on story and I felt so sad reading it.

Welcome, Lina. Earlier on in my journey when I was asked to write about my symptoms, what was happening at that time of my life, how I reacted, etc, I was in floods of tears. We get to a point where we stop seeing ourselves as helpless and powerless victims. Perhaps it's time to re-write or at least re-imagine your story, one where you are pain-free and don't want for anything be it money, companionship or otherwise.

 

[linapina]

Thank you yb44 and Dahlia and Walt, it feels so good to be welcomed and acknowledged by you. That is one of my emotional issues I think. Not feeling welcomed and accepted by others. So thank you. I am moving slowly with SEP and reading other people's stories and listening to the videos/audios is a great reassurance. I am trying everyday now to regard myself as healthy and a competent, powerful person, not the helpless victim I have felt like the past years. I believe it's very important in the healing process.
I am trying to work up the courage to email a person who has promised to listen to my financial worries, a huge step for me, it has been one of my biggest worries for years now. One that I feel ashamed of too.