My TMS story started on November 1, 2014. I awoke to searing bilateral hip and buttock pain. I immediately knew something was very wrong. Unlike most folks with TMS, I’ve been blessed not to have suffered with a lifetime of chronic pain or numerous health issues (even though I’m 55). Over the next year and a half, I followed standard “oh, my aching back” search for answers through Western Medicine. MRI’s (bulging discs), CT scan (no stenosis), and X-rays. I’ve had many epidurals, osteopathic manipulation treatments, chiropractic treatments, and even a horribly painful SI nerve ablation procedure. After the epidurals, I developed nerve pain in both feet and almost crippling sciatica. I know first-hand the horrible desperation that will drive you to try almost anything to get relief. Even if the relief is temporary. The impact on my career, marriage, and social life has been devastating. In November 2016, I began to read Dr. Sarno and Steve O. It was like looking in the mirror for the first time and really seeing myself. Perfectionist, goodist, guilt-ridden, and terrified of abandonment. I’m a regular reader on the TMS Wiki and have attended a few of the chat sessions. I try to read a few chapters of Dr. Sarno and/or Steve O every day. Where am I in the acceptance of TMS? Truthfully, not there yet. Although I did have a breakthrough in December. While rushing half-way across the United States to be with my ailing brother, I told my nerve pain to “go away, I can’t deal with you right now!” And what do you know? It did!!! However, the nerve pain has been replaced agonizing left shoulder, neck pain, and muscle spasms. I’ve tried telling them to scram too, but my brain keeps holding on to the pain. I started journaling in January, but haven’t been consistent. Dredging up decades of past wounds and actually feeling the pain instead of going on emotional autopilot is harder than I thought it would be. Now, on to the SEP and hopefully 100% TMS acceptance.