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Day 1 Hi my name is Toni

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by aces0730, Sep 12, 2015.

  1. aces0730

    aces0730 Peer Supporter

    Hi my name is Toni and I have been suffering with chronic ankle pain for two years .
    I have had re-occurring peroneal tendon/nerve pain for the past two years. This is a long a complicated story. I first injured my tendon in May of 2013 and was given a boot to wear for two weeks and then 4 weeks of PT. The day before my last appointment of PT, I went to the beach, but wore sneakers because I knew I lost a lot of calf and ankle stregnth. The next day the peroneal pain was at the top of the peroneal muscle and the pain radiated to my toes. I went in for my last PT visit and they had me do the exercises and they iced me down.

    They said to wait for a couple of weeks and I could come back for a few visits and I'd be all set. Not the case. I went back for a visit and the therapist said "oh you're fine" just get a strassburg sock and that will help you, it didn't. I waited a few weeks and went to see another orthopedist and he sent me for an MRI. This was now November 2013. The MRI showed NOTHING. I told him about the radiating pain down to the baby toe and the forth toe, he sent me for a test to see if I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, wrong. He sent me to another PT, and this time it took from December until March for the pain to subside. Finally. It gets better...
    I started to work out very slowly at first by June, I ramped up the workout, bad idea, pain came back in the lower peroneal muscle. I went to see my Primary care and he sent me for another round of PT, so I went back to see the person I saw in December, unfortunatelly she left. This time I saw I student PT and he made me worse. During this time i also had to fight for PT, Blue Cross was cutting my benefit.

    By October of 2014 I saw a third foot ankle specialist, he sent me for another MRI, showed nothing. He sent me for PT, but I could no longer continue because of insurance so I started looking at Active Release Therapy and Acupucture, did very little. By the time the 2015 rolled around I saw the third orthopedic and he gave me cortisone shot and I was allowed PT. By the end of March I was healed and Blue Cross cut me again. I was ok, I had started seeing a chiropractor who did graston and would have her just do a maintenance treatment once a week. I started working out slowly, never ramped it up, but a walk in the cemetery is what did me in. I have seen a podiatrist and have had to pay for PT out of pocket, but I am not getting better the PT and the Podiatrist believe it's the superficial peroneal nerve that is entrapped. I can't stand it anymore. I want relief. I'm not buying into this superficial peroneal nerve entrapment thing. I believe I have TMS.

    I am sorry this is so long, see there I go, saying I am sorry. I have all the type A behaviors, the goodist, the people pleaser, I probably have enough rage of being taken advantage
    of by my sister who is 10 years older than I. I constantly have to worry if she has enough oil to heat her house, and yes I have paid for her oil. Every time we go out I end up paying because she is low income, and on. Sometimes I am so afraid she's going to lose the family home that I end up sad.

    I know I have a long way to go but this ankle problem is making me nuts, I know it's repressed anger and TMS.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  2. Scott.Cameron

    Scott.Cameron Peer Supporter

    Hi buddy, I'm there too, only just discovered this after 20 years of various symptoms. Severe ankle pain being the latest! but let me assure you, I have had success in stopping the pain instantly using Sarnos techniques. I have been experiencing Symptom imperative that is quite shocking! In one 12 hour shift at work I suffered neck and shoulder pain, then back pain, then headache and finally the ankle, I couldn't shake the ankle at first, there was a tiny doubt as this pain felt like how I imagine arthritis to feel. Not muscular or nerve like my back. Could it be my shoes I wondered? I could not walk without limp for last four hours at work but had NO other pains or headache. I limped from my car to my front door. I relaxed, had a bit of me time and sat contemplating what might be wrong. Then bang, I thought of something that just instantly stopped the pain. Testing the theory I decided to jump up and down, on one foot!! The bad one!! NO PAIN. Point proved, definitely psychosomatic. I have come to realise that i do have some deeply repressed feelings and have booked my first session with a TMS aware psychiatrist. I am so excited to get back on track now, I know in time I will be better than EVER. And not just because I won't have the symptoms, I will have a whole new understanding of the human race. Good luck and congratulations, this is the start of getting your life back.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  3. aces0730

    aces0730 Peer Supporter

    Guess what, I just jumped up and down on my ankle and no pain. Yep, it's definitely TMS. I am in the Bodton area and need to find either a TMS aware psychologist or psychiatrist. I have gained 13 pounds since this started and my work clothes and skirts are getting tight. It's TMS, there is hope.
  4. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Welcome, Toni, and I'm glad you came to the Saturday Chat earlier today! And good for you for starting the SEP, so give yourself credit and a big hug for that.

    We know that self-love and acceptance are an important part of recovery. Part of self-love means becoming aware (mindful!) of the negative self-talk that is constantly cycling around inside our heads, along with obsessing about the past and worrying about the future. This constant conversation is a distraction, just as much as the pain is a distraction, and it will keep you from accessing and experiencing the deeply repressed emotions that your brain thinks are too dangerous for you to handle. You CAN handle the truth of those emotions, but you won't know what they are unless you can slow down, calm down, hear the distractions, and put a stop to them.

    Here's an example: when you are asked by the SEP to do a writing exercise, your brain will try to keep you from writing certain things down. It will tell you that something is unimportant or too embarrassing, so you should just ignore it. Don't Listen!!! Those old things can reveal a lot about how your unconscious dealt with old hurts and embarrassments. Maybe an item was traumatic, maybe it wasn't - the only important thing is that your brain has been repressing whatever it was, and if you can look at it today, acknowledge it, and accept it as part of who you are, then the reason to repress it is gone.

    To be successful in this work requires changing your mind and changing your experience - and that means going against a lifetime of programming. It can be done, there are many people here who have done it, and you have already made a great start!

    Keep posting and keep us posted!

    wwildeeeeee and mike2014 like this.
  5. aces0730

    aces0730 Peer Supporter

    I woke up this morning with a great deal of the pain gone. The only bad thing is I have a massage scheduled for today and if I cancel, I get charged. I know we are not to keep doing treatment because that perpetuates the mind to think it is in control, but I believe just for relaxation shouldn't hurt? I am about to start day 2 and I now believe that I am making progress. Thank you Scott and Janet for supporting me.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  6. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Toni, If I were you, I would go. You don't want to unconsciously trigger off any stress by cancelling and losing money.

    I would also look at creating an evidence sheet of your symptoms just to enforce your beliefs. Once you are comfortable it's TMS, give up the massage therapy as it will only give you temporary relief, at best. It will also, unfortunately, strengthen your belief it's physical rather than emotional.

    I would also like to add, please be kind, gentle and loving to yourself.
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2015
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  7. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree with everything Mike says, Toni. And besides, massage is lovely, go and enjoy it without concentrating on any particular area of your body. The laying on of hands is a powerful tool for psychic healing.

    And how cool is that?
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Toni, caring about someone's wellbeing and a "goodism" nature can cause a lot of pain. Tests you have taken showed there is nothing structurally wrong with you. Your pain will go away when you totally accept that it is caused by emotions, as Dr. Sarno writes in his books.

    The SEP has helped thousands of us to heal, by discovering the repressed emotions or character traits that create the pain. Here is a good "pep talk" about how the SEP heals...

    Kevin healed 95 % from SEP

    Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

    I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

    So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely readHealing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

    It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with aTMS doctorbecause it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.
  9. aces0730

    aces0730 Peer Supporter

    Jan, it is wonderful!!! Going for the massage at 5:45. It should be good!
  10. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Toni. How is your SEP work going? Have you noticed any reduction in your ankle pain?

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